Feeling numb,or like I can’t feel the happy I want

I feel like for a while I haven’t really felt truly happy or very excited for anything. Every day feels like an uphill climb dealing with this OCD problem of mine and trying as hard as I can to solve it, seek advice, etc… It often feels hopeless for me and that I should just be discarded, like I’m too far gone and I can’t get rid of it. Anyway, the pint is I haven’t really felt happy enough to actually just be smiling in a long time. I can’t rember the last time I actually smiled because I didn’t think about it and just naturally smiled because I was happy. Feels like I’m at war with my head everyday. I feel numb. I feel like I can’t feel emotions strongly like I used to. I can’t feel strongly about something where I’m motivated to ACT on something, to DO something, to try something new or break a routine or even feel like I am taking a risk or having fun. It’s like I have forgotten what FUN is like. Actual fun, not trying to have fun, but having fun. As a side note, maybe it’s too far fetched or not true but the medication I am on for my OCD (Sertraline, 25 mg dosage) , I am suspicious is making me numb like this. Sometimes I feel one if maybe this, small yet somewhat effective dosage of this medication is making me like this. I remember when I went off of it for a brief period last summer I could feel a lot more than I am feeling right now. But unfortunately my OCD was sooo bad as a result. So bad I couldn’t face it and I would be pretty much having a straight panic attack all day. So I’m not sure if coming off of that is the right move. After all I went back on it because wow I was having trouble dealing with myself. But like I said, that is just an afterthought. This is often how I trudge through the day…

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 18w ago

I understand what you are saying COMPLETELY. I sometimes feel numb too. I think this is a very NORMAL side effect of being in our heads so much. We are in survival mode all day. We can’t be expected to have a normal range of emotion after what we have suffered in our heads. I think this is very NORMAL. I understand about but feeling happy. Lately, I have been touching on that a little too. Like I can’t think of anything that would make me happy. Big hugs!! Your are not alone. Are you in therapy? Is it helping?

Username: OCD RadishOCD Radish

Date posted: 18w ago

@Tea and Honey Thanks for saying all this. Yea I’m in therapy but I haven’t seen my regular therapist for a good few months, and I am thinking about getting another one thru this app, because I am stating to feel pretty comfortable in this space

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 18w ago

@OCD Radish Yes!!!! You should totally get a therapist through this app. I have gotten therapists through NOCD twice. It is a game-changer to use NOCD because they are ALL trained in ERP Therapy, and ERP is the best therapy for learning how to deal with OCD symptoms. In fact, I believe NOCD was founded by a man whose OCD got so bad he was room-bound. When he finally learned ERP therapy, it was so effective that he wanted an organization that made ERP easily available to everyone. I highly recommend it.

Username: Kag911Kag911

Date posted: 18w ago

I definitely understand what you mean. Having to put on a happy face, or throwing yourself into a circumstance where you wish that you could experience fun or joy in a way that you have remembered previously or potentially romanticized...and then having your hopes fall short, it is rough, and very relatable. I try to remember that happiness is not the goal, purpose is, and that happiness is just a byproduct. The roots produce the fruits, and I think of Psalm 37:5 often. The truth of it is that often I feel I'm just on survival mode, treading water, just trying to take things day by day and move forward to a point where I can feel happy again. I think putting pressure on myself is one of the hardest things though, and the intensity of your own expectations can negatively effect the outcome. Best to not anticipate experiences and how you will feel, but this is much easier said than done.

Username: Clementine

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey, I haven’t been on here in a longgg time and this isn’t necessarily OCD related but I want to tell someone how I’m feeling in the hopes that maybe someone else sort of relates and then maybe we can talk? I don’t know, I’m just a little scared at the moment and could do with some comfort I guess. Ok so the best way to describe how I’m feeling is empty. I’m not sure that I actually feel emotions much anymore. I’m not happy or sad and it’s scaring me, but obviously at the same time it isn’t because the only proper emotions I’m experiencing right now are hopelessness and emptiness. I just want to be able to feel again and I really don’t want this to be a big problem. Does anyone know if it’s even possible for me to get my emotions back? Can I back to normal, although I’m not too sure how normal feels anymore, or how feeling feels anymore. Also, I’m not even sure if that is what’s going on with me. I can barely feel things but at the same time my brains like nah it’s probably nothing, you’ve just not got any reason to feel anything right now. I feel exhausted and without motivation everyday. Thank you to anyone who’s read this, I hope nobody relates but please tell me if you do. I just want to talk.

Username: anonymous314

Date posted: 1y ago

Vent

I’ve been feeling extremely depressed because of my existential OCD. Even when i think of recovery and therapy, i feel like “what point is there in going back to how it was, or finding joy in things” there are moments when I do get happy and in those moments a thought pops up like “what even is anything” “what is existence” or “is death even real” and i’m also getting intrusive thoughts regarding my own consciousness which also gets very weird. All of this is accompanied by dissociation and apocalyptic feelings. It’s been 2 months since my ocd relapse. I have gotten better but when i acknowledge my progress, once again i feel like there’s no point. these thoughts/ feelings don’t feel like OCD but as if i’ve discovered some truth of life and now nothing will be the same. I haven’t started ERP yet, my therapist and i are currently more focused on ACT, acceptance and commitment (which is often given along side ERP) I will start ERP soon but i think all i’ll be focusing on is how dumb it is, and i know it’s not but it feels like i’m convinced it isn’t gonna work. I know this is classic OCD but it feels like this. I also deal with hyperawareness ocd (thinking about thinking taking place) and it makes me feel like there’s somebody in my head when, it’s quite literally my own inner voice that i’m sort of producing (?) I feel like it wouldn’t let me focus during erp and it all just feels so hopeless. I’m a minor and my parents are against medication and they talk about it like it’s the worst thing in the world which has heightened my fear of meds. I’m so sad and done with all this

Username: a.non2

Date posted: 1y ago

numbness

I got diagnosed with OCD a few months ago after getting plagued with intrusive thoughts last November. It’s been present in my life since I was younger but didn’t become truly debilitating until last November. I’ve been in therapy since May, and I started an SSRI. I’m a Christian, and I’ve struggled a lot with my faith since this started. I’ve had a hard time with ERP because I fear it’s not going to help and actually make things worse. I have also had a lot of emotional turmoil from family trauma and marriage issues. I’ve become so hopeless and numb and desensitized that I don’t know how to continue forward. I don’t feel like I’m able to talk to anyone about it because it’s taboo, so I feel like a fraud and like I don’t deserve to do things I enjoy or hang out with people I love. I do want to get better but I also have a fear that I don’t actually want to. I feel like my whole life is ruined and that I’ll never enjoy living again.

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Feeling numb,or like I can’t feel the happy I want

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