Did you have any intrusive thought that was such absurd that you can laught now about it even maybe it was really terrified for you in that moment?
my weirdest thought with my ocd themes was probably when i engage with people that have ocd and i had this crazy weird thought âwhat if the people with ocd are just brainwashing you and you donât have ocdâŚâ
omg probably when i learned about what happened to the dinosaurs as a kid and being *convinced* that weâd get wiped out like them if i didnât perform a certain ritual lol
Listen to me right know. I HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE AS A KID hahaha
@Anonymous Before this I struggled with months with the idea a dinosaur would kill my family then my mind closed the topic and replaced it for that đ
I was once terrified that I was going to be attracted to a guy that I did not want to be attracted to.. and my fear was that I would have no choice in the matter. Thank goodness that one passed
@Cortina đđ please, but literally same in 2nd grade and I dated him but had nightmares abt him
I had a t-shirt that said OCD (obsessive chocolate disorder) and I had a fear that bc I wore that shirt it made me have OCD
When I was very young I'd think mosquitos were like tiny little vampires and had to wrap myself up so tight in my bedding when I was going to sleep that no skin was on show, only leaving enough space to breathe. My parents would tell me off constantly for it because they'd fear I'd suffocate myself eventually
Demons were coming for me late at night when I couldnât sleep because I made a comment earlier in the day about my disbelief in god (I had been hearing âhouse soundsâ and convinced myself it was ghosts)
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? đ
Looking back, I realize Iâve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasnât diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldnât explain: "What if God isnât real? What happens when we die? How do I know Iâm real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didnât want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. Sheâd say, "Maybe youâll kill yourselfâwho knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. Iâm working again, Iâm sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If youâre scared to try ERP, I get it. But if youâre already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
My earliest memory of OCD was at five years old. Even short trips away from home made me physically sick with fear. I couldnât stop thinking, What if something bad happens when Iâm not with my mom? In class, Iâd get so nervous Iâd feel like throwing up. By the time I was ten, my school teacher talked openly about her illnesses, and suddenly I was terrified of cancer and diseases I didnât even understand. I thought, What if this happens to me? As I got older, my fears shifted, but the cycle stayed the same. I couldnât stop ruminating about my thoughts: What if I get sick? What if something terrible happens when Iâm not home? Then came sexually intrusive thoughts that made me feel ashamed, like something was deeply wrong with me. I would replay scenarios, imagine every âwhat if,â and subtly ask friends or family for reassurance without ever saying what was really going on. I was drowning in fear and exhaustion. At 13, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. Therapy back then wasnât what it is now. I only had access to talk therapy and I was able to vent, but I wasnât given tools. By the time I found out about ERP in 2020, I thought, Thereâs no way this will work for me. My thoughts are too bad, too different. What if the therapist thinks Iâm awful for having them? But my therapist didnât judge me. She taught me that OCD thoughts arenât importantâtheyâre just noise. I wonât lie, ERP was terrifying at first. I had to sit with thoughts like, did I ever say or do something in the past that hurt or upset someone? I didnât want to face my fears, but I knew OCD wasnât going away on its own. My therapist taught me to sit with uncertainty and let those thoughts pass without reacting. It wasnât easyâERP felt like going to the gym for your brainâbut slowly, I felt the weight of my thoughts dissipate. Today, I still have intrusive thoughts because OCD isnât curableâbut they donât control me anymore. ERP wasnât easy. Facing the fears Iâd avoided for years felt impossible at first, but I realized that avoiding them only gave OCD more power. Slowly, I learned to sit with the discomfort and see my thoughts for what they are: just thoughts.
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