Question for religious OCD

I get the constant wave of sadness that ocd has taken my life from me. I can't share my thoughts and they don't feel like mine. I have episodes where I think God must hate me or see some secret sin in me that I don't see, or else I really really am missing when the holy spirit is saying to me. I want to be free so so deeply and have a normal, independent and fruitful life but God is not answering me. Why do I have these thoughts? Are they spiritual or just my mind? If anyone with Religious ocd can help or share how they navigate a true relationship with Christ while having ocd, I would really appreciate it. For context, I've had dozens of people pray over me and I've literally screamed like a child for God to give the answer, I had faith-based ocd even before i understood the gospel or personally knew Jesus. I want to live with eternity in mind and be free from these things so so much. Thank you!

Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.

Please don't judge me or think badly of me. Earlier, my OCD started obsessing over the question of who God really is — Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit. I got curious and started searching online, and I came across the teaching about the Trinity. I learned that Christians believe in one God, but He exists in three Persons: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit. I grew up mostly only thinking of Jesus when I prayed, because I would always see His image in churches, on TV, and in pictures. So, when I prayed, He was the one who came to mind. As I got older, I started learning more — like how Jesus has a Father, and that there's also the Holy Spirit. That’s when my OCD started to obsess and worry. It told me that I’ve been “wrong” in my prayers because I only focused on Jesus. It kept pressuring me, saying I should now imagine and pray to all three — the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit — equally, or else I’m doing it wrong. But I don't even know what the Father or the Holy Spirit "look like," and I don’t want to offend them. I truly respect and believe in all of them, but it’s overwhelming. My OCD keeps telling me I’ve already committed an unforgivable sin just for not knowing these things before. It says I’m not praying right. It keeps bringing up the fear of blasphemy, especially about the Holy Spirit. It’s so scary. I tried to calm myself down by reminding myself that when I pray to Jesus, I believe the Father and the Holy Spirit are included too, even if I don’t fully understand how the Trinity works. I still feel confused, but I try to believe in the Trinity because I’ve noticed that whenever I pray, I naturally say, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Even though it still feels new and hard to understand, I’m doing my best to trust in it. Growing up, my family wasn’t very religious, so I never deeply understood these things. I used to think Jesus *was* the Father, and that He was simply God. So learning about the Trinity at 17 feels like something I should’ve known sooner. That makes me feel guilty and unforgivable — like I’ve failed as a Catholic. My OCD keeps pushing me to get a “perfect answer” or else I feel like I’ll go crazy. It’s causing me so much anxiety. Now that I know about the Trinity, even praying feels confusing. Before, I would simply pray and feel connected to Jesus, but now my OCD is telling me I’m “leaving out” the Father and the Holy Spirit. I don't know who to pray because my OCD keeps on saying there are 3 Gods. I’m scared that God will punish me for not knowing everything earlier, for being confused about trinity — and for not praying the “right” way. I didn’t know the Holy Spirit is also fully God. I never meant to disrespect or forget anyone in the Trinity. I just didn’t understand before. Please help me. I feel overwhelmed, scared, and confused. I don’t want to offend God. I just want to love Him and feel close to Him again, like before. But now my mind is full of fear and anxiety instead of peace. I feel like I’m falling apart inside. Can anyone give me advice? Religious OCD is ruining me. Please help.