- Username
- TRozz
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Feeling like I'm unraveling, triggers setting me back
Every time I feel like I'm doing something major that OCD has held me back from, or even just in a good headspace, something else will happen that sets me back of triggers my anger and hopelessness. This morning I felt so hopeless and didn't want to get out of bed. But I made myself get up, and order some groceries because I hadn't been eating much lately. Having a hard time with food prep and making sure everything is clean enough to use and eat. Anyway I ordered some stuff to have delivered bc I knew the stores would be packed on Sunday morning. I made coffee and started feeling like I could get some things done today I'd been avoiding, and that I could handle things. When I went down to grab the grocery bag that had been delivered, it was on the ground outside my building and it had some red spot on the outside, which is my biggest trigger with contamination right now. It was really discouraging and I got so, so angry. I know that there's not OCD god, and that things happen, and that I don't know what the red mark was, but I also don't know how to not worry that the person delivering it was bleeding or that I could use anything I got without worrying I'm in danger. Ive been desperately trying to find help and a therapist, even switched my insurance to see if it helped but I've had no luck and my life is unraveling right now. If anyone has any advice or encouragement, It would be greatly helpful.