PLEASE READ

I wanted to actually take the time to post this. I promised myself that if my meds started working I would write on here to encourage others to take their meds and do therapy. I spent so many days crying over thoughts that I can see now are not true. I still have moments of overthinking and worrying but that’s normal for people like us and people in general. It’s almost like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now instead of seeing only darkness. I have come so far from a few months ago even a year ago or when I first developed these ocd symptoms. I took a dna gene test which was like $200 but well worth it to determine what meds work best for my build up, the one I had been on and off taking from fears around meds was one of two that are meant to “work”. So I started up again on 10mg of Lexapro, slowly going up to 20mg, now at 30mg since the last few days. It’s been well over a month probably atleast 6 weeks. I definately noticed when I first took it on and off that I felt a slight difference but thought it was placebo. So I gave it a shot and have been so good with taking them at the right times too mostly. GIVE IT TIME!!! If a med is right for you it will work. You have to believe that though, even if it’s only a tiny part of yourself that can believe it may work… be realistic, it’s not going to just remove the thoughts entirely because we have a very complex disorder, but I do believe I will fully recover. I’ve also been seeing an ocd therapist, who helps me but I also judge for myself what exposures I feel ready for and also still can give into compulsions at times, and I also won’t do things that therapists say that I feel aren’t right for me, find what works for you! They’re just meant to guide you, but recovery is DIFFERENT for everyone. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will for you. I honestly find the thoughts less “sticky” and I can easily get out of them sometimes, or think more logically, trying to not reassure myself or asking for reassurance as much but also allowing myself dto deal with it in my own way and yeah sometimes I do still reassure myself like people without ocd would too, but I have cut back so much and I don’t even remember the last time I confessed properly to my partner. He understands me and has been so supportive and given me any type of reassurance in the past, so basically I’ve got all the answers already, but I don’t have to constantly remind myself of those things or prove every thought wrong. I can let things go more easily. I can think more logically. I can see more when ocd is trying to trick me. I know I’m not aroused sexually by the intrusive thoughts even if they’re images ocd creates and not real I know that if a thought feels intrusive it isn’t arousing me even if it comes at the worst times and makes me confused in the moment, I can bring myself back to reality and put my focus on me and my partner, I can enjoy sex again! Im still struggling at times but I never thought I’d get to this point even, it’s only up from here… I want to attach this image because I prayed and begged for God to send me a sign that only I would know which was a love heart but not in a text message, I wanted to SEE THE SIGN CLEARLY, I asked him if I would ever recover fully or always suffer like this and if I will recover and one day not even have thoughts like this or notice them if I did almost like background noise of stupid people with stupid opinions, then show me a heart. And he delivered this to me. You will be okay even when you feel like you won’t. You matter. Don’t let ocd define you, we’ve got ocd but ocd doesn’t have us… I’m working now, happy mostly with my life, have a loving partner and daughter I’m able to focus on properly now that I’m getting better, I have quit pot and been clean for about 3 weeks after being a stoner since 16 every day basically, which will only make me feel more clear over time, next step is ciggies to quit at the end of the month, I don’t even drink alcohol unless occasionally so that’s not an issue, I’m going to start working out and become my goal weight, going to find things I love to do and DO THEM, LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST. you can get here too. This is coming from someone who contemplated suicide time and time again but knew God had a purpose for letting me suffer this way , so I’m able to HELP PEOPLE LIKE ME. God bless you all and Jesus right now I pray for everyone struggling with mental health problems and I pray you can guide them to the right direction, the light and the truth that is YOU. That’s why I can finally see the light at the tunnel, it’s Jesus calling me home. God bless you all, amen. 🙏🏼🩷🩵💜