Pocd//Suicide//depression

How do I even move on from this is all because of a compulsion I did last week that I didn't want to do and it's like now my brain has made me feel like this horrible person for doing it what do I even do at this point do I keep living or do I keep suffering and live with the regret and pain

I keep thinking to myself is this who I wanna be is this who I am now like wtf like who am I..... I'm so upset like I don't know what to do. My my brain is like yes you like this feeling you like it I feel sick I have knots in my stomach it's like when I say something truthfully I feel like I don't mean it at all. And my stomach gets all knotty and hurts.

@🌷Romy🌷 I don't mean to be given reassurance but you aren't a horrible person for your thoughts. Thoughts are not action. Period

@🌷Romy🌷 I had the same thing with my stomach. I would actually vomit. Sorry you are going thru this. It really sucks

@Speckles I'm sorry may I ask? why aren't people allowed to seek reassurance on here?

@🌷Romy🌷 I don't know why bc I think it helps some.

@Speckles Oh ok sorry no worries I was just asking

@Speckles Have a great morning 🌄

@🌷Romy🌷 Or night idk what time it is over there

@🌷Romy🌷 You too and go easier on yourself!!

@🌷Romy🌷 I guess bc they want you to sit with the uncertainty and be ok with it

Like trust me I really do want to get help but like I'm really terrified of telling this to my mom because I know she knows I have ocd and urges and unwanted thoughts compulsions but no this kind of ocd I've never told her about it I just don't think I'm ready to tell her I just can't...... like I have neice too that's gonna make everything worse....I can't have that I'm sorry.

The same thing happened to me I was about to get on the elevator and this mom and her daughter I saw and I just froze in fear I was looking down at where the daughter was and I felt so horrible it was in my apartment but I didn't know if I made the girl and her mom uncomfortable this happened a while back and I felt so bad I literally would avoid seeing them because they also live there I was like oh what if she thinks I'm a creep I wasn't trying to stare I just froze and got scared. Because I saw the young girl. And i felt she though i was looking at her weirdly but i wasnt Like I see them around my complex, but I try avoiding them especially other younger people around my apartment complex and try not making eye contact because I really don't want to give the impression that I'm a weird person. I've been dwelling on that, and I still think about that incident.

@🌷Romy🌷 Why do you have to tell your mother, that you suffer from POCD? There is no need to tell her about your OCD subtypes. If she asks, you can tell her about a few of them though. But as you are not a threat to anyone, you have no obligation to inform others.

I hear you! We are suffer thru this and we aren't P's.

No I'm not I'm sorry I'm just trying to see a psychiatrist my mom pays for my therapy

@🌷Romy🌷 Could you switch to a therapist specialized in treating OCD using ERP? Talk therapy, where intrusive thoughts e.g. get picked apart and analyzed fuels OCD and that's not only not helpful, but counterproductive.

@Zoë_84 Ok yes I will look into it It has just been hard for me because of what's going on I'll tell my mom

@🌷Romy🌷 I know you are struggling, but with the right therapist and therapy approach getting a grip on OCD is actually possible. Also, getting officially diagnosed with OCD might help you, too.

@Zoë_84 I know but it feels real tho like I was at Universal today with my mom and I kept getting these unwanted thoughts and urges there were younger people around so I tried and distract myself but nothing was working even when I was on the Rolla costers I still kept thinking about it like why did you do it you wanted it do you want this and I keep saying no and my mind I'm honestly terrified Zoe because I haven't even felt a feeling of relief yet because I keep dwelling on this that's a serious problem....you know what they say p words don't feel relief at all and I'm scared what if I am one because I litter couldn't let it go these kids were around and every time my mind would be oh are you attracted to that younger person like every time I would see one I would get anxiety in my chest that tingling feeling that's not normal Ike what I have knots in my stomach I can't even eat how long is this gonna keep going this doesn't even feel like ocd it fees real it's scary I saw guys my age and I was trying to focus on them and be like that guy is cute but like it wasn't working.. I don't know what to do.

@Zoë_84 I felt like sleeping all day I couldn't take my mind off this I felt like if I left this goni would like this and accept the feelings and gross thoughts like I don't want to do that like I know deep down I don't like this but it's like something is telling me like no you do you and I want it to go away if this doesn't go away I honestly don't know what to do I'm terrified. I'm feeling all types of emotions numbness tiredness sleepless nausea and I feel like I want to throw up but I can't I don't know how to describe it waking up with anxiety tingles my chest sweating horrible groinals lightheaded

It's just like people who have done crimes and horrible disgusting things to kids and they're trying to be good like wtf honestly I would end myself but that's just me because how the hell do people even still want to be good after that it just really confuses me like you know what you're doing your hurting children and they don't care and now all of a sudden they care I honestly really believe and I want to believe that nonoffending p words are still terrible bad and disgusting people who like what they do and have no remorse because there's no way.