i wish that i never came across lesbian porn at a young age. i feel like it confused my brain on what i’m actually attracted to. i also feel like i can’t truly get off to anything but lesbian porn. this sucks.

The same exact thing happens to me. I'm so scared that I'll feel nothing sexual when I'm with a future boyfriend/husband. I also came accross lesbian porn young and it's the root of my hocd, what is used most strongly against my identity. It's honestly terrifying, I get up thinking about this and go to sleep thinking about this.

“Also I feel like I can’t truly get off anything but lesbian porn” OMG I FEEL THIS SO SO SO SO MUCH I was sure I was only one. Like if I watch straight porn it dosent many times feel likes nothing because my head is sayin always you don like that and then I got turn of. I feel like I have to watch lesbian porn to get even something beacause watching lesbian porn makes me uncomfortable and then I got these groinal responses and then I maybe cum if I am fingering. But after that I cry. I cry hella lot not form happiness but sadness and anxiety. Like I wanna get turn on straight porn and by boys nothing more. I feel so sick because of this

I ream a article that talked about hocd and the root of it. They basically said that, mean get scared they are gosh because they think of penis and immediately associate as pleasure because of porn. And I think we can do the same but instead it’s about women. The porn industry is all about women, not so much the man. But I’m real life we had crushes and feelings for guys. So I’m going to stick with that. There’s something that says that women are just sexualiezed.

And sometimes I just get this urge so strong to watch lesbian porn. It makes me feel completely awful and umcorfortable, but I can never fight it off. This is the worst mistake I've ever made, I absolutely hate this. I don't want to be with a woman, never did.

I feel you. I was really curios and i found the lesbian sex really young age like really. I didnt now what it was mut i remember i got arousel it. I was wathing straight sex too and i am sure i get arousel then too BUT my hocd is making my memories really blurry

Same experience for me except with men. I’ve always had crushes on girls since I was very young. I’ve never once been romantically interested in a man, but when I was around 13 I found gay porn and it was shocking to me and that turned me on. So then I continued to use it to get aroused. To this day, I still am only interested in having relationships with women, but am very aroused by men. The dread that I won’t ever be able to keep a girlfriend or get married just adds to the “performance anxiety” and I can’t get aroused as well with girls. Absolutely miserable, I feel trapped.

Oh... you guys have some similarities with me. I used to watch straight porn until age 16 when my HOCD started. By then I would also get aroused at "well shaped male penises" in the movies, but I loved girls and never felt my sexuality threatened. After my HOCD started, my mind never allowed me to enjoy straight porn ever again. I started testing myself to transexual porn, because of my OCD getting stuck on telling me "you like penises" even though i didn't want anything of it in real life. It's been 11 years and still is like if I can only get of to transexual porn. It does turn me on and I hate it, because it didn't used to be like that. My mind forced me into it... I got a handle of my ocd for the past 9 years, had a girlfriend and for sometime managed the performance amxiety and sex became great. It was harder to me because I didn't found female vagina visually attractive. So yeah, my OCD attacked on both ends... but it was a lie by my ocd. I actually managed to enjoy interacting with female vaginas a lot and sex with my grilfriend was great. Never felt desire for a guy or transexual. And then 4 months ago the worst came: my OCD morphed into the fear of being attracted to trans people (which never seriously crossed my mind even after all this years with HOCD and watching that porn). To make it worse: ocd websites always say people don't get turned on by their ocd thoughts. But testing myself I can. It's lile having a sexual fantasy in the way that I can feem aroused, but to me it's not a sexual fantasy by any means. I hate it and I would have never thought about it if ot wasn't for my ocd getting more creative. It kills me and now I feel i'll never be able to have the life I planned with my girlfriend. I cry every day because even with having performance difficulties at times, I was sooooo freaking happy with her and never felt attracted or interested in guys or trans people. It hurts so much... ?

The porn you watch doesn't say much about your orientation or real-life preferences. Having problems getting aroused with women does not automatically translates to "you like men". That's an OCD logic. What is scary for all of us is having to accept uncertainty. Just thinking that I have to accept that there's a chance that I am what my fears say is scary. But we have to face it...

You can do it too Charles :)

Yes. I've never seen lesbian porn as in girl on girl before, but I came across two masturbation videos on tumblr when I was 14 and looked up porn. I related it to myself. I imagined myself as them and that really confused me. I was a virgin so that was the thing that I could relate with. Now whenever there's anything related to masturbation in a movie or a woman being pleasured I relate it to myself and get turned on. which is NOT what I want. I've always had crushes on dudes and been attracted to dudes my whole life. Seeing guys masturbate turns me on for the same reason, I relate their pleasure with mine, which feels gay to me too for some reason. I've watched porn one time everything else I've seen has been in movie and shows. I've had a shit ton of fantasies about men. One time I was doing mental checking and put myself into a lesbian fantasy and it worked, which made me really anxious and upset. I know it's not what I want in reality, but I wish I had never done it because it's adding so much confusion now. I wish I could go back to before this happened and never have seen or done any of it.

Charles4545, sorry for the time i took to answer. Yeah, I think we have some similarities. What's your story?

Are you into therapy? You should :)

Good luck with it Charles ?