- Date posted
- 15w ago
Acted on a Compulsion
Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?
Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?
Don’t do the compulsion, you know to not do it that’s why your posting this
@Anonymous I think this message might be a bit harmful to someone struggling with OCD, as logic doesn’t work with OCD, unfortunately. My advice is to live with uncertainty and doubt, and accept the fact that you gave into a compulsion (even if you didn’t want to). You can’t change the past, but you can change how you respond moving forward.
Just keep moving forward and practicing with the tools you've learned so far. Don't expect perfection. Any time you feel like you need to act on a compulsion is an opportunity to hone your skills. Take that opportunity to tune into your body and notice what it feels like when you want to do the compulsion. See what it feels like to not do the compulsion for 5 seconds. Then next time do the same thing for 10 seconds, then 15... Even stopping yourself from doing a compulsion for a few seconds is something to be celebrated. This is an ongoing training process that will pay off big time in the long run. Trust that you can handle the uncomfortable feelings that arise without needing to get rid of them.
Something that helps me is to remember that compulsions are temporary. Both in how long they last, and in how they satisfy. What I mean is, compulsions will only last a short while if you ignore them and don't act on them. They'll go away and eventually after enough victories your brain will understand the compulsion is not what you need anymore. On the contrary, if you give in, the satiafaction given from the action will only last a short while then you'll be back to anxiety in no time. Anxiety only wins if you let it. Don't give in and it'll pass. Hope that helps.
@daltonb.971 Thank you, good way to look at it!
@Anonymous My pleasure, glad to be of service. Good luck!
Don’t do the compulsion—you know it won’t help you.
Give yourself some self compassion, be proud of yourself for the two days that you didn't. Just keep moving forward ❤️
It's natural to have slip-ups and setbacks during your OCD recovery journey - I've had plenty of them myself. Try to be kind to yourself and know that these are not death sentences (i.e., now you will have OCD forever). You can't change the past, but you can change how you respond moving forward. You got this!!
I did a few sexual compulsions (only with myself of course) in the past (2 months ago , did it couple of times) and I regret it BADLY I want to die every time because of that because of the guilt that I can’t handle it I feel like a monster I can’t move on from this. I feel like I deserve nothing in life. I prefer to kill myself then do it again. Like what went on my mind. I wanted to check and get rid of the thought but I can’t live with the shame. I posted this a few times but cant move on. What I did was BAD sexual compulsion. My therapist said to me that people with ocd can have a sever compulsions. And I think I told her about this compulsion but I think she forgot so I’m planning to said it to her again so she will tell me if it’s actually ocd or not. And the fact that I did have another themes before Pocd but I don’t know if I have Pocd anymore cause I feel like a monster and like I crossed the line. I’m terrified that I went to far. I regret I badly. There is not a single day I’m not thinking about it and want to kill my self. That compulsion is against my morals like I become the person I was afraid of all the time. The shame will it me until the day that I die
I know a few of you saw my posts about my ERP and the googling urges. That didn’t end up going well. My therapist actually decided we needed to halt it for now. The thing is it’s almost like I learned googling is harmless from those few exercises and my brain keeps generating more things to google. Normally I would just spiral and be done but now I can barely hold back from searching for long. I eventually give in. I’m horrified because it feels like I want to find illegal content. I swear on everything I am, I don’t want to find anything even close to it. I’m freaking out because I don’t understand what’s happening. I keep compulsively searching/testing/checking or idk. I keep remembering details and I feel like I need to google again to be sure of something. I feel absolutely insane can someone please help me??? I’m petrified I’m going to get in trouble.
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
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