Anyone here a high functioning person. I have always been a very busy, non stop working hard type. I always have a goal set for the near and far future. I’m always busy doing things like work or school too. I am always busy and doing something and when I stop the thoughts get SO much worse. I don’t relax because relaxing triggers bad thoughts of failure and laziness and not being good enough. I keep thinking that I can’t be struggling mentally because I am able to keep working hard every day. And therefore I must be making this all up. Can anyone relate to this?

Every time there is a break from school I break down and get really depressed. I can’t sit still with my thoughts. It’s exhausting. I’m seeing a therapist and she knows about this, I’m also going to see a psychiatrist soon but I haven’t started CBT or even erp. I tried to start erp once but it was so hard I just couldn’t.

Yeah don’t try ERP on your own! At least I wouldn’t recommend that... and a couple social workers I’ve talked to at my hospital agreed with me on that. There’s some good books out there but still. I was the same way when it comes to breaks from school and getting depressed. You’re not alone in this. I’m glad you’re getting help.

I’ll check it out. I know everyone says not to fight it but that truly just seems so hard. I tried to be ok with my comb not being in its place. And I didn’t make it more than 10 secs before I had to put it back. Sitting with that anxiety was so hard and terrifying that just thinking of trying it again is overwhelming. I’ll look up that talk and listen to it. It might help. Thank you

For sure. We’re all here for you! And don’t worry if the talk doesn’t really resonate - maybe meds are the thing you really need right now, so that the therapists advice and all this other therapy stuff can actually sink in, ya know?

This was me hardcore, until I finally did break down when school stopped and I was FORCED to finally sit alone with myself and my thoughts. You are struggling mentally, you’re not making this up. My plea would be to please start the hard work now of delving into acceptance and commitment therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, or whatever works for you (if you’re not already in some kind of treatment - kudos if you are!) so that things don’t spiral out of control because you kept trying not to relax and deal with these thoughts.

Are you able to take breaks now? It seems like there will never be a day where relaxing will be possible.

Honestly, it can still be a struggle and when in those break zones I do sometimes struggle with getting out of bed at a reasonable hour and the like. But it definitely got way easier when I started acceptance and commitment therapy, learning how to BE with negative emotions/thoughts and not push them away. I also learned - or really was forced to as part of ACT - to take a deep look at myself and what my values are, which made me realize the areas of my life I wanted to improve in and that I was being too hard on myself in others. Just overall building more self-compassion and talking to myself as if I was giving advice/love to a close friend.

I want to try all of that. I really hope I get there one day. Right now I just feel so far away from any way of overcoming this.

I completely and utterly understand and empathize. You should have seen me a month ago - I thought there was NO WAY that this was ever going away, in fact I thought I was actually going psychotic. I was too scared to even get into the shower because I had a fear I would start hearing voices. I’m not sure if it will help you, but what helped me - even if just a tiny bit - when I was at my lowest was listening to a talk by Dr. Claire Weekes on Youtube called “how to overcome anxiety”. In there, she talks about how the only way through is to not fight anxiety and not shrink away from feeling fear

Me.

Meds freak me out. I’m having a hard time take a vitamin D supplement. I want to take them if someone prescribes them but I’m too scared I probably won’t.

??? I swear you’re spying on me!! That could not me more accurate about how I function! Does anything help you?

Dibidah, nothing helps me unfortunately. I’m glad it’s not just me tho. Not that I’d ever want another human to feel how I feel. How do you manage it? I personally can’t even get myself to ask for a day off work so I just work work work until I’m sick and can’t go into work or school. I don’t complain ever so most of my coworkers think I’m totally fine, when really I’m dying inside. It’s like I’m trying to work my thoughts away. Lol I’m just really exhausted and wish there was a way to make it all end.