Confession/Intrusive Urges feel like earworms?

I keep posting, but it’s a tough day. Does anyone else experience this odd looping? Like you’re resisting a confession compulsions and it’s like your brain starts chanting the exact sentence you could say. It feels like it’s only a matter of blurting it out loud. Same thing with intrusive thoughts of blurting out something bad, it’s like a song stuck in your head? Maybe it’s just me, I have a feeling ADHD makes it much worse. It makes it so much harder to focus on the present when it feels like the bad thing is chanting in your ear. It’s like a hellish broken record.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 38w

I tend to have issues with this. From what I have learned about ADHD , impulse control can be an issue. I believe it too because I’ve had issues with that long before OCD showed up in full force. I found that If the compulsion involved learning something or question asking then the urge is way worse. My shrink called it going down a ADHD fueled ocd rabbit hole lol. It’s almost like ocd says you need to know this thing. And then ADHD is like you need to know right freaking now. And it zeros to in on it. I fight it off for as long as I can but eventually it comes out. It took me a lot of work but I got a pretty good control on it. Medication helped as well. If you are a patient of NOCD they have a group session for dealing with ADHD and ocd that’s been pretty helpful for me at least.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 38w

@I’m Batman Oh my god that makes so much sense in other aspects of my OCD. I’m actually shocked. I keep getting intrusive “curiosities” and I cannot help but research to learn. I also cannot contain myself from asking questions in real life most of the time. It’s so freaking intense. I thought I was going insane I swear. I keep eventually giving in and I thought something was just genuinely wrong with me. Dude that insight was so valuable thank you so so much. Truly.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 38w

@issphra 🫶🏻 For sure …. It’s real rough … the ocd demands the answer but the adhd loves the thrill of the hunt. The two can feed each other pretty bad. 🤣

I’m Batman

Date posted: 38w

Session is every Friday at 6 est I think.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 37w

@I’m Batman If you don’t mind me asking, do you believe that your ADHD has ever made you more likely to act on intrusive thoughts? I know you’re more likely to do compulsions and it’s harder to let go of thoughts. Maybe this is an irrational worry of mine because I can’t seem to find anything on it. I know impulsive thoughts are different to intrusive thoughts, but I still feel worried, maybe it’s my OCD talking.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 37w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Nahh not really. At the end of the day my actions are my own. OCD can’t force us to do anything…. It likes to pretend it can and does , but it’s like a spoiled toddler that just screams loud. It’s our choice to pick it up or not. When we think of sitting with the bad feels and accepting uncertainty it’s like we chose not to listen to that toddler scream at us for candy. Typically these images and thoughts and urges are against our values so we are not going to do them whether or not we have impulse control issues or not. I hate spiders , and even on my most impulsive days I’m not going to reach out and touch one lol. Now help me act on compulsions oh yeah. It’s still our choice to do the compulsion… but what does adhd want ? Wants dopamine. What’s a compulsion at its core ? It’s a task to relieve bad feels for ocd. What happens when we complete tasks? We get dopamine… so ADHD is like yay I found the answer you wanted. Then ocd is like … yeah that’s an answer .. but what if there is another more better answer .. so ADHD is like yay another task to go on. And what’s a common issue with ADHD. Impulse control. And ADHD does not care that the task ( compulsive behavior) is bad for you , it just wants to complete it. OCD does not want you to act or do the thoughts image or urges. If you do them, you are not doing the compulsion. Let’s say your obsession is you might hit a printer with a baseball bat. Highly unlikely but possible. And your compulsion is you have to ask for reassurance that you are not a bad person that would abuse an innocent printer. OCD does not actually want you to hit that printer. It’s not the actual compulsion. It’s the intrusive thought or urges. OCD can only eat compulsive behaviors. It just uses that fear of possibility to get you to feed it compulsions . At least that’s my opinion but so far it’s been correct for me. That’s why the fear has to be real. If it did not feel real , we would not do the compulsions.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 38w

I actually have a follow up question. After you go round with the adhd and ocd doing its thing does your depression kick in and make you feel like doodoo for failing stopping a compulsion? I have T-R MDD and the three can be a pretty bad bully together when they gang up. That’s one thing I always have an issue dealing with is when the depression monkey is on my back after.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 38w

@I’m Batman I do, every single time. I feel like absolute crap for giving into a compulsion. Like the biggest disappointment and so full of shame. I didn’t even think it was the MDD. That’s even more insightful, seriously thank you for commenting.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 38w

@I’m Batman Oh but the OCD tends to join in on the shame parade the MDD throws by catastrophizing

moon0270

Date posted: 23w

Realised I have another compulsion

I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️‍🩹

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 21w

I’m having a really rough day

Sometimes it feels like I’m chasing pleasure with my intrusive thoughts. Like I just keep thinking them over and over, or even making them worse, because maybe deep down I *want* them. And that’s honestly scary. It feels like I’m trying to prove I’m a bad person or even a p*dophile just to see if I feel disturbed enough for it to count as “real distress.” But sometimes, I don’t even feel that bad. Sometimes it’s just… nothing. Because if I don’t feel guilty or sick enough, doesn’t that mean I like it? That I want to keep thinking about it? Sometimes it feels like I like it. And that’s when I spiral the hardest. But lately, I’m starting to think maybe I’m not actually chasing pleasure. Maybe I’m just chasing certainty. This desperate need to feel bad enough to prove to myself I’m a good person. And when I don’t feel that level of distress, I panic. I do compulsions, just trying to force that feeling. But it never feels “right.” It never feels enough. And I get stuck in this loop of testing, checking, pretending to be okay with these awful thoughts just to see how I’ll react. It’s confusing. It’s exhausting. And it makes me question everything about myself. But I think I don’t actually want these thoughts. Maybe I just want to know, with 100% certainty, that I don’t. If you’re stuck in the same cycle, I see you. You’re not alone. You’re not your thoughts. You’re just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. And that’s okay.

me.vs.ocd

Date posted: 16w

what do your intrusive thoughts feel like?

for me, it's like there's two folders of my thoughts, 'main thoughts' and 'sub thoughts' and it's like a background voice of my background voice, you know? like so quiet and irrelevant but it's still here and i can try to ignore it but not fully and it feels like it's just really nasty, like it's warring with me, never shuts up and just keeps nagging me with those thoughts

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Confession/Intrusive Urges feel like earworms?

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