Maladaptive daydreaming

Does anyone else here daydream maladaptively? Well, I do a lot and my OCD has latched onto that as “proof” that my fear is real due to do contents of my daydreams. To preface I’m 14 and most of my daydreams consist of boys that I like so like 85% of my day is just me daydreaming about these boys in a fantasy world that I built in my head for them. The thing is I have ADHD and I’m super hyperactive and I require a lot of movement to engage in my daydreams (and with engaging in anything in general tbh) so I’m always just randomly walking/running around the house daydreaming. Anyway sometimes I’ll make the same faces my character makes in the daydream and also do like hand movements they do. And I’ve been ruminating about this for months because I’m like “does that count as imagining myself as a boy?” due to the fact that most of the characters in my daydreaming world are male and I panic. I would never imagine myself as a boy in that sense because it makes me uncomfortable, like ever since I got this theme, whenever I walk by a mirror I get these intrusive images of the boy I like starring back at me in the mirror and I get super uncomfortable. It’s like a punch in the gut. I don’t want to look like those boys at all and I know that if I was one of them I would hate my appearance and hate looking in the mirror, no matter how attractive they are. Or when I’m doing something my OCD will imagine ME doing it as a boy like in first person and with the intent of me being a boy and that also really triggers me because that’s not what I want and it makes me real uncomfortable. What I DO want is to daydream about boys, but not about being a boy. But isn’t that what I’ve been doing this whole time without realizing? Like I’m so wrapped in my daydreams that when I’m doing anything I go “Hm I wonder what [my crush] would do in this situation” and imagine him doing it but in a completely different setting and with some changes to the activity added. That really scares me because I go “what if that means I’m a boy” and I get really distressed because I don’t wanna be a boy. I don’t view any of the boys on my daydream as me at all and like, I don’t daydream with the intent to be a boy because that’s the least of my desires, all I do is want to think about boys because boys are cute ofc and I like them. But I’m still really scared. Is my OCD possibly twisting things or am I in denial? :(

Hi Everyone - has anyone else had problems with executive functioning - forgetting things, multitasking, attention, not following directions closely, etc. ? If so, what do you do to help? I brought this up to my therapist and she mentioned that I wouldn’t need a therapist Or specialist/coach to work on it - as it would be skills we know to do (take notes, put on reminders, etc). However, I’ve been struggling with OCD for years and none of these “tips” have helped enough. I have had trouble multitasking/ remembering details/forgetting things with jobs and had to quit. It even applies when I am at home - one thing goes in one ear and out the other. I also do not have or been diagnosed with ADHD or any other disorders (just depression from OCD). Does anybody have suggestions? Is it just to manage my OCD better and these things will get better with that? I don’t recall how I was when my OCD was “good” or in better shape (Up until age 18) to gauge this as I didn’t have a job or other life responsibilities. Only thing I can think of is maybe I am so caught up in my head that is causing these issues, aka the severe OCD. Thanks!

I got interested in lucid dreaming several decades ago. I'd often had lucid dreams going back to childhood, long before I even knew the term, but it was in my early 20s that I learned about it as something some people actively pursued as a hobby, with a range of techniques to help make themselves aware of their dreaming while they were dreaming. Among those techniques is to look at a piece of writing, look away, then look back at it. As writing rarely remains stable in dreams, the writing will usually have changed if a person is dreaming, and if it stays the same, the person is probably awake. (The technique is usually described in terms of looking at a watch or clock, but it really can be used for any writing--in fact it's better if it's writing that normally wouldn't change, as clocks and watches do.) This is not the only method of reality-testing, but in my experience it's the one I've found easiest and most reliable. My full-time interest in lucid dreaming only lasted about 6 months. But thereafter I continued to use the looking-at-writing technique whenever the topic of lucid dreaming entered my mind. I began doing this practically everywhere, using whatever writing I found around me: books, food packages, devices, street signs, license plates, storefronts, and more. I even unwisely did it on occasion while driving. I did it so much it made my eyes sore and bloodshot. I even paused to do it while writing this post. Naturally, it looks strange if other people see me doing it, though it's something I try not to do around other people. My mom once saw me doing it, and she told me I had a tic. I don't think it's a tic, but it is a compulsion. My understanding of the difference is that compulsions are always a choice: I can choose to ignore the compulsion. But I guess the back-and-forth motion with my eyes and/or head may resemble a stereotypical tic to outside observers. I'm still unwilling to totally give up the habit. Part of the reason is that it still is effective at helping me become aware of my dream state while I'm dreaming, which is a positive when I'm having an unpleasant dream. But I definitely do it excessively, to a point that's probably unhealthy for my eyes, and it seems like a lot of effort for very little. I have diagnosed OCD as well as autism, but I'm not sure what particular subtype this would fall into--it's hardly the only compulsion I have, but it may be the most unusual one--as I've never heard of this happening to anyone else, not even other people who are interested in lucid dreaming. I guess it derives from a sense of anxiety connected to being uncertain about the reality around me, as well as a sense of loss of control when it comes to sleeping--which relates to my general difficulties in falling and staying asleep (which I'm currently being treated for). I also have chronic sleep paralysis going back to early childhood, and while this has provided me with yet another stepping stone to lucid dreaming, probably the fear of entering this state has further reinforced my sense of anxiety around sleeping and dreaming, and feeling a need to take control of it to the best of my ability. At least that's how I've been able to explain it. I'm open to other suggestions, or any advice others may have.