How do you handle intrusive thoughts during sex?

My therapist told me today that if I get intrusive thoughts of other people: friends/randoms/children/pets, to put them in the corner of the room. I can try that but I feel like I’ll still be focusing a lot on the intrusive thoughts during such a vulnerable time. It makes me feel like if I focus on intrusive thoughts, and I reach a point where I am feeling good physically, I’m scared I’ll associate those thoughts with feeling good or feel like I “got off” to them. ***TW*** Apart from that I have creative intrusive thoughts like imagining my bf isn’t a grown man which repulses me to even type. Or that he’s a family member. Those drives me absolutely insane. Those I don’t know how to handle. How would you handle this? How do y’all handle this?

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w

Your therapist has a good tool, but perhaps it does not fit your needs to overcome this obsession. The truth is everyone's mind wanders during sex. Normal people just dismiss it, but when you have OCD, your mind can trick you into attaching significance to this ( thinking that these thoughts are what is getting you off). What i would suggest is to just, let them be there. Remind yourself that they are just OCD thoughts, you don't control them, so why give them extra attention. I have had thoughts of doing pedo-type actions to a friends child while having sex ( i was going thru a period of POCD) and i tried my best to push it from my mind but still ended up having it be present when i got off. once i stopped "trying to NOT have the thoughts" and just let them be there, they slowly lost power. When your mind wanders during sex, just be kind to yourself and say in your head " i can think that , its ok, it doesn't matter anyway" and just continue with the deed. You are not getting off to those thoughts, you are getting off because your body is being stimulated and that's a natural response. they say if you want to think about something less, think about it more, that can apply here. so perhaps instead of "putting them in a corner" just, move them aside, they don't have to go away, you can just allow them to be with you and choose to not pay them DIRECT attention. does that make sense?

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 34w

@TexasOCD41 That makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for your insight. The thoughts I seem to resist the most are the POCD thoughts, along with the ones involving my family members or my boyfriend’s family members. The thoughts about family members who are children feel especially difficult to cope with. I think your advice may work better for me, and I am going to give it a try. I sincerely appreciate your help. Before this OCD spike, my mind would wander to things like black beans or nature, and I really miss that time.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Black beans and family members are all the same. Just uncontrolled thoughts. If black beans mean nothing, family members and small children don’t either. There is no connection, don’t hurt your mental health trying to create one.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 32w

@TexasOCD41 I came back to ask you, how do you not pay them direct attention? I feel like if I set them aside and let them be there they get louder or before they can, I bring them up to the surface out of anxiety. It feels like I focus on them on purpose? It feels awful. I have no idea how to not give them direct attention or stop thinking about it. I think it’s because it bothers me a lot. Any advice? I’m really struggling because it feels like I wanted to think it bc I kept focusing on it all over again.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Sure, i actually had some flares today and i had to remember my own advice lol so what i just let myself have the thoughts but i didn’t interact with them. I’d say things like “ this is just ocd” id even say “ maybe what im scared of will happen but its ok, nothing i can about it until it does or doesnt so im just gonna be present “ and then id make a concentrated effort to pay attention to my tv shows or interact with my husband. The thoughts we’re running in the back of my mind i just did not try to question, analyze, solve, or interact.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

It sounds counterintuitive but the phrase “ if you want to think about something less, think about it more “ works. When I stop trying to stop thoughts and let them happen and not react to them they rapidly lose power.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 32w

@TexasOCD41 I completely understand everything you’re saying it’s just that it feels like the thought is at the front of my mind and it doesn’t want to idk? Scoot back? It’s kinda like I let them happen, but then I let them happen too much? I focus on them. I’m terrified of this, I think that’s why it happens? Feels like some sort of compulsion. Either I bring them out bc I’m anxious to be jump scared by them or I focus on them to remind myself I don’t like these thoughts and they’re intrusive? Idk girl I’m struggling bc it feels like I cause it. I’m doing something wrong, I have to be bc your advice makes so much sense. It’s like instead of pushing them away or letting them be I pull on them and focus on the atrocious thoughts. It’s so unsettlingly. The concentrating on something else helps but then it happens all over again maybe I need practice? This has me wanting to rip out my hair 🥲

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Yes practice. It’s ok to focus on them the important thing it’s to just avoid compulsions. As long as you’re not doing anything to make them go away or to feel better, you’re on the right track. It will take lots of practice for what I say to actually start happening. It’s a muscle you build, it won’t happen after one try it will take lots f try’s and each try you will push the thoughts to irrelevant

grellen2000

Date posted: 24w

Intrusive thoughts (21+ please)

I need advice for intrusive thoughts. I used to feel like I could handle them. They weren’t nearly as bad as the things that related to my actual life. But now, I’m suffering. I haven’t had a sexual experience in over a year that didn’t involve constant intrusive thoughts. Most are somehow related to kids and I keep chasing off the thoughts but it’s so bad. I know you’re supposed to ignore them but I don’t know how I can just ignore that and continue what I’m doing. But they’re coming on stronger. I had one earlier I could not get rid of just as things finished so the thought came on strongly just before my orgasm hit and now I feel absolutely disgusting. I hated the thought and I know it’s not me and it was not enjoyable but it still feels like I was getting off to it. I feel sick. I’m so fucking tired of these thoughts. They’re in my every day life too and it’s all the time. I just want it to stop but ignoring it feels so wrong. What should I do?

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 20w

18+ Intrusive thoughts during s3x

I was having intimacy. Watching p0rn. And during climax i got intrusive thoughts a d anxious. I hate when this happens. As a compulsion whenever i get intrusive ocd thoughts i usually think of my wife or therapist (whose a man) and say their name. For my wife its because shes the love of my life. My comfort. And during intimacy of course to arouse over her. When i think of my therapist its not anything sexual its just like a comforting thought since hes the one that is helping me thru ocd. But now ocd is saying why did i think lf him during climax. And in my head i heard my voicr saying his name but this was my way of distracting myself from the intrusive thoughts. It wasnt to arouse myself over him it was tk distract myself and it wasnt a compulsion. Ocd tries associating it with my sexual experience and its making me feel very guilty and anxious. Then i worry was i saying his name. I did in my head but it wasnt again a compulsion tk distract from ocd. Then that made me anxious so i said my wifes name and thougjt kf her. I just had intrusive thought so i panicked and out of compulsive habit i usual say thr name of my wifr and therapist

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Can intrusive thoughts be intentional thinking

I wanted to ask if it is possible to purposely think of an intrusive thought and then shifting your mind instantly to something else? Is it still an intrusive thought if you have been thinking of it 'purposely' for a second? I dont know how else to explain it, but it felt like I was purposely thinking of it. Anyone else had similar experience what happened during intimate moments like masturbation I feel so ashamed cuz the thoughts are so bad they're either about family members children and stuff like that it feels like I think it I just want to know if I'm not alone I feel like a monster because it feels like I thought these things or like I did think these things and I don't know what to do I feel so ashamed and grossed I need help I just want to know if anyone had a similar experience to shed light on because I don't know I feel so isolated

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How do you handle intrusive thoughts during sex?

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