I feel so much shame

I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired

Username: 🌵 🌵

Date posted: 15d ago

OCD (especially POCD) is one of the most painful mental disorders (in my opinion). You waking up and going through the day is a victory. I know it’s so hard to see, especially with POCD screaming at you, but take it from me— someone who’s also suffered from this theme, and who almost out of the OCD hole. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to do things that make you happy. Make it incremental. Acknowledge POCD’s existence, don’t argue with it and go about your day

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@🌵 Thank you, it’s all so so difficult. The mental checking compulsions or anything of the sort leave you feeling so awful and it’s just hard. I’m so happy you’re almost out of this monstrous grasp. Thank you for your support 💗

Username: 🌵 🌵

Date posted: 15d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Always♥️. If you need anything let me know

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 15d ago

I'm with you. I absolutely despise POCD and I hate how much it shows up within real events for me. Especially when I was a lot younger.

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@BigGyro09 I’m sorry you can relate to how awful it is.. I hope we both get better :( ❤️‍🩹

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 15d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Me too. The one thing I'm trying my best to work on right now more than anything else is self esteem. It's really holding me back from basically living life. I know that OCD is such a nuisance for you and that it gives you a lot of disturbances, but I'm sure ERP can help you. Have you spoken with your therapist yet? If so, how did it go? Did you focus on more ERP techniques in the meantime?

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 15d ago

I'm with you there :( POCD is awful

Username: I’m BatmanI’m Batman

Date posted: 15d ago

I thought about this the other day when changing my granddaughters diaper. As the intrusive thoughts rolled in trying to get me to feel bad…. I remembered , funny you were not a pedo 5 minutes ago before changing this diaper. What’s the probability you just became one now. I bet as close to 0 as you can get. So kick rocks ocd. On the flip side I often wonder how many times an actual pedo googled if they were a pedo. How many shut their life down out of fear of being that way. How many had crippling anxiety out of the fear of the possibility of them being an offender. I’m willing to bet pretty close to 0 as well . They just are what they are. Their actions are facts and define them. Your thoughts and fears are not facts and do not define you. So what ever activity you are stopping your self from doing , go do it. Take back your life and tell your ocd to FK off you are not talking to it today. Good luck !

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15d ago

@I’m Batman Thank you 💗 I hope you’re doing well :) I am reading again (the activity I felt I didn’t deserve right when I got to a really good part of the book) it means so much to me what you said and you sharing your experience. Thank you so much 💗

Username: King silly

Date posted: 19w ago

I genuinely can’t do this anymore

I keep waking up, overwhelmed with anxiety and I feel like an awful person and I don’t know why…? But I feel like it’s because of POCD, I genuinely feel like a bad person because of all of my false attraction experiences, I feel like it’s my fault, I feel like an awful person and I’m spiraling, it’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror, i can’t bare it, I just feel so awful about myself and I don’t know what to do anymore. I genuinely can’t do this anymore.

POCD

Username: OrMsB

Date posted: 15w ago

Shameful compulsion

I did a few sexual compulsions (only with myself of course) in the past (2 months ago , did it couple of times) and I regret it BADLY I want to die every time because of that because of the guilt that I can’t handle it I feel like a monster I can’t move on from this. I feel like I deserve nothing in life. I prefer to kill myself then do it again. Like what went on my mind. I wanted to check and get rid of the thought but I can’t live with the shame. I posted this a few times but cant move on. What I did was BAD sexual compulsion. My therapist said to me that people with ocd can have a sever compulsions. And I think I told her about this compulsion but I think she forgot so I’m planning to said it to her again so she will tell me if it’s actually ocd or not. And the fact that I did have another themes before Pocd but I don’t know if I have Pocd anymore cause I feel like a monster and like I crossed the line. I’m terrified that I went to far. I regret I badly. There is not a single day I’m not thinking about it and want to kill my self. That compulsion is against my morals like I become the person I was afraid of all the time. The shame will it me until the day that I die

POCD

Username: issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 10w ago

Does anyone else..

Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I feel so much shame

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community