I don’t know what this is. Help please?

@andrewt_ Thank you, Andrew 🤍 I always appreciate your support and help!

@djflorio Omg I remember you, you were one of the first people to help me on this app when I joined!!! Thank you for the advice and insight. I do have a question: how do you prevent yourself from focusing on a thought vs leaning into them? I understand that leaning into them is what you’re supposed to do, my therapist has brought that up but then I start to almost focus on the thoughts? And she said not to do that so I think I’m a bit confused on how one leans into thoughts.

@issphra 🫶🏻 - Glad I can help :) Yeah I understand the confusion. Sometimes this stuff is hard to communicate in words, and it's more like you "get it" as you start doing it. I would say the main difference between the two is the intention behind what you're doing. "Leaning in" to a thought is when you deliberately respond to a thought in the opposite way that you normally would. It involves going against your instincts. You are turning TOWARDS the fear as a way to show yourself that you can handle it, without trying to figure anything out. This can be confusing because in a way, you are giving the thought attention, and this can maybe of be seen as "focusing" on the thought. But when people say not to "focus" on a thought, they're talking more about latching onto the thought and getting caught up in it. There's an intention of trying to figure it out, disprove it, or just get rid of it. As a goofy example, let's say you're really scared of the color orange for some reason, and you have the thought, "you actually really like to wear orange shirts." An example internal monologue of "focusing" on the thought may be: "Woah why did I just think about that? Am I someone who secretly likes to wear orange shirts? I need to get to the bottom of this before I can move on. Hmm, did I feel disgusted when I had that thought? I hope I did...let me think about it again to make sure..." An example of "leaning in" to the thought may be: "You know, maybe you're right! Maybe I really do love the color orange! In fact, I'm going to see how many orange things I can spot today. Let's see if I can set a new record." In the second example, the intention isn't to get rid of the thought, it's to prove to yourself that the thought isn't actually as scary as you think it is. That's not to say that you need to drop everything and do this every single time you have at thought that bothers you. Most of the time you can just go with the less extreme version of, "maybe, maybe not" (or some variation), and then bring your attention back to the present. The "leaning in" is more of an exercise. In a way you can think of it like dealing with someone who really likes to argue. If you take the bait, you'll get into an argument with them that will go nowhere, and only increase your frustration with that person. The "maybe, maybe not" approach is basically like not engaging with the argument in the first place. Then the "leaning in" approach is like agreeing with them (even if you don't *really* agree with them), giving them no more reason to keep arguing with you. Hope this makes things a bit more clear.