Can I please get advice about therapy?

I know I’ve been posting a lot lately, and I apologize for that, but there’s just so much on my mind. I try to share positive things too, because not everything has to be dark. This is a fairly long post, so apologies for that too! Right now, I’m slightly calmer than I was earlier, and I need some advice about therapy. I’ve been doing therapy through NOCD for two months now. I’ve always felt a slight disconnect with my therapist. It often feels like she doesn’t fully understand what I’m saying or experiencing. We’ve had about 20 sessions, and she constantly reassures me that she sees progress in me, which I’ve noticed in myself as well. She did mention that my progress is slower than most, but that’s expected given how severe my OCD is. She’s aware I’m also dealing with major depression, PMDD, an anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and extreme sensitivity to medications, so managing all that has been a difficult and long process, which she says she fully understands (she mentioned this two sessions ago). A few days ago, my **obsessive-compulsive scale went down by 26%**, and I was really proud of that and excited to share it with her. But in our last session, she surprised me by saying I need more intensive therapy—outside of NOCD. She said she only sees constant anxiety and compulsions in me. She thought that when I shared specific experiences, I was seeking reassurance, but in reality, I’ve just been looking for guidance. After some clarification, she seemed to understand that, calling it a “therapist oversight,” and said she wanted to take back her recommendation for more intensive therapy. But it left me feeling like she’s had such a hard time understanding me and my struggles. Honestly, I feel like you all understand me so much better than my therapist does, and I find myself trusting your advice more than hers. I really want to trust her, and I’ve been trying to for the past two months, but this last session left me feeling frustrated and confused. I’ve been focused on getting better, and she’s constantly reassured me that she understands how complicated my situation is, and that my slow progress makes sense. But then she tells me I’m not making enough progress and need more help, and I just feel dismissed. I’ll be honest, it feels like she doesn’t want to help me unless it’s easy and straightforward. I know that’s probably not what she intends, but that’s how it feels after these two months. Before this, I only had one therapist, but she wasn’t an OCD specialist, and even though talk therapy made me worse, I still felt more understood by her. It felt safe and like she actually wanted to help me through the confusion I experience with OCD. She was also very kind and understanding of how sensitive I am to medications. I feel like I’m constantly being dismissed by my current therapist and she thinks I have health anxiety when it comes to medication (I can assure everyone I do not and am willing to take whatever it is to get better). She reassures me I’m making progress, then in the next breath, says I need more help. It took me clarifying that I’m not seeking reassurance or confessing, but that I’m just confused because of the OCD, for her to finally understand. I just feel like I’ve wasted so much time and money trying to make this work with her, especially since she has great reviews and she has OCD herself. She just hasn’t experienced the same themes, not that that matters but it does my compulsions harder to identify and she doesn’t seem to make that effort with me unless I ask her every time. It’s really my main issue, not being able to identify my compulsions because they can get really sneaky. There are moments where I feel better, but then there are times when I feel misunderstood, ignored, or dismissed. When I try her tools and they don’t work, she seems to get frustrated and thinks I’m not doing them right. But I’ve read a lot here, and not every tool works for everyone. Some advice from you all has actually worked for me. Honestly, I feel like this is comparable to paying for a college class where the professor is stuck in their ways, and it’s just frustrating but starting over sounds really hard too. I’m not sure what to do.

Crook

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w

Message the advocates. I’ve been in therapy for about the same time and am also struggling to get better, but my therapist isn’t like this at all. I’m sorry.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 26w

@Crook I just felt so bad, I almost feel like I’d be telling on her idk. Maybe I’m being irrational. I’ll message them, thank you for that push. I’m very frustrated and just really want to get better :(

Crook

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w

@issphra 🫶🏻 I’m with you. I do too. My therapist always tells me that it takes time and to not compare my progress with others

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 26w

@Crook :( my therapist told me this was supposed to be a short program and I didn’t seem to be fitting that Wow I really wish she didn’t compare my progress and it would’ve been so nice to hear what your therapist told you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 26w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Oh god that’s awful your therapist said that I used to have a therapist who was really transactional also- she didn’t like the fact I couldn’t afford to come every week because she kept telling me ‘this is my job’ patronising me as if I should feel guilty I can’t come every week. I stopped going to her because I realised she didn’t have the best intentions and I felt that in our sessions. If you’re unsure about your therapist I would 100% think you are right about them- go with your gut and find a therapist that is a better suit for you

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 26w

@Anonymous My therapist seems to care at times, but other times it feels a bit forced. I wish my OCD were more straightforward, but it’s not, and I get the sense that she’s frustrated by that. When I asked her a question about ERP, she told me I needed to stop overthinking. This was especially confusing because she had changed the ERP plan about three times, which left me feeling lost since she didn’t seem to fully understand my obsession. We initially agreed on 3-4 sessions as the recommended amount, but she was reluctant to follow through with that. She did give me an extra session twice, but then claimed that 3-4 sessions didn’t work—even though I never actually got to try that approach 😃. She also talks so much more than I do in our sessions, I feel like I barely get to express what’s going on. So I tried using messaging to at least share the topics I’d like to discuss in session prior to the meeting. She didn’t like that either. She thought I was doing compulsions by messaging her 🙂🙂🙂. I should’ve trusted myself earlier :/ thank you for sharing and for your encouragement it means a lot 🫶🏻 sorry for the rant

John G.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w

@issphra 🫶🏻 You need a new OCD therapist, if what you are saying is how she is acting. My therapist is nothing like this. I also see another therapist aside from my NOCD therapist (which I HIGHLY recommend; I also have depression, panic disorder, adhd, autism, depersonalization/derealization disorder, and gad). You deserve to be listened to and not dismissed. Get another opinion; get another therapist. I hope you find a good one!

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 26w

@John G. It honestly feels like that at least half the time. I was trying to keep it to myself, maybe thinking I was overreacting or seeing an issue where there wasn’t one. But after talking to my boyfriend and a friend about it (and not even going into the full details like in this post), they both asked, “Why are you still with her???” I’ve been considering seeing a second therapist to address the rest of my disorders (and by the way, thank you so much for sharing. You’re the first person I’ve seen here who has almost as many diagnoses as I do, and you deal with so many of the same things I do). I thought that seeing a second therapist might be considered rude or something… I’m sorry, I’m still new to therapy. But either way, I’m definitely going to find another therapist. Thank you!

John G.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 26w

@issphra 🫶🏻 Absolutely! I totally understand not wanting to “hurt your therapist’s feelings”, but you’re paying to get proper help (and it’s probably some form of anxiety/ocd anyway 😂)! You’re entitled to have a beneficial session with someone who will listen to you.

Huskydog

Date posted: 21w

I have a question.

I had my second session with a therapist and they told me they don’t think I have OCD. They think that I have just intrusive thoughts. They also said they don’t do diagnosis. I also noticed they did not ask me questions about my different themes.This has made me so confused. Even though I had a terrible fear that a therapist will tell that I don’t have it, (which is the main reason why I had not gone to one) I did suspect I had it because I identify with many of the symptoms. On the website it says that they treat it but I don’t think they are like a specialist. On the first session they described OCD mainly as needing to have things symmetrical and fear of contamination. I have a feeling that they don’t know much about it. I also didn’t mentioned all the themes I think I have because I’m scared to be misunderstood. I am not sure what to do. I can’t afford seeing an OCD therapist at NOCD. Can anyone give an insight, has something similar happened to you? Thank you!

annabanana248

Date posted: 21w

In limbo between therapists and feeling discouraged

I've been in and out of talk therapy for OCD-related issues for years, but it hasn't been effective long-term. I am struggling with body image / eating disorder adjacent obsessions and I am really hopeful that ERP might actually give me some relief. I had my first session with my NOCD therapist a few weeks ago. It felt like a good match and I was ready to unpack my obsessions and compulsions to try ERP for the first time. The day of my second session she canceled due to personal illness. Then this happened a second time. Yesterday all of my future booked sessions were canceled without explanation. I went to schedule with a new therapist and the ones that seemed could be a good fit are filled up until at least early April. I booked a slot and sent the therapist a message letting her know I would be interested in starting sooner if a slot opened up. I am just disappointed. I could just meet with another therapist who has earlier availability, but it's most important to me that the therapist be a good fit since I've been through therapy so many times. I feel like I'm in limbo until I have an ERP plan set up and I'm not sure how to move forward in the meantime. I'm planning try out a support group but I need a personalized exposure plan and I'm not sure if that's something I should just try to set up myself? Anyone have something similar happen to them? Any thoughts or advice would be helpful.

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

I need advice :( vent post/does anyone relate?

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

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Can I please get advice about therapy?

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