My partner has ROCD and we’ve struggled a lot to keep our relationship healthy because of it. We broke up temporarily because it was so hard for me to deal with him being so distant when he was stuck in thought loops and when he would share all the doubts he thought about me it would make me extremely insecure. We are back together now and trying to create healthy boundaries. His ROCD makes me feel like I’m the only one rooting for us and holding us together. I am beginning to take the time to research more about OCD to better understand what he is going through and figure out the best way to support him. I just get so overwhelmed that he will never be happy with me. Any advice?

You should join him in therapy if he goes to an ocd specialist. The specialist will help you to understand better what he’s dealing with and how you can actively help and speed his recovery. Watch for more insight on how to help if you haven’t already seen this video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NLr04CEURdg

First of all, you deserve a ton of praise for doing your homework, researching OCD, and reaching out to find ways to support him. Props to you, he’s lucky to have a supportive partner like you. Second, I would maybe suggest reading some things written by people who have ROCD about managing the disorder while being in relationships. It might help to give you a better sense of his thoughts, especially since it might be hard for him to articulate exactly what’s going through his head to you, as you are his partner. If he’s not already seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist, I think it would be really helpful if you could support him in seeking one out, or if he is seeing one, see if you could attend a session with him, or perhaps attend the first 15 minutes or so of several sessions? When my OCD was centered around family relationships, my mother would join my therapist and I for the first 15 minutes of each session, and it was helpful to be able to discuss how OCD was affecting us and our relationship with a psychiatrist there to mediate and offer explanations and solutions. The last suggestion I have is to ask your partner what you can do to support him. For example, my family and I have a ‘panic protocol’ for when my OCD spirals into full-on panic attacks: I may need to be alone or I may want to have someone to talk to, but I will dictate which; don’t touch me during a panic attack; help me to a more secluded or quiet place so I can ‘take a break’ from people, etc. I also have an understanding with my best friend that if I ask her to ‘drown my brain out,’ I’m spiraling and need her to give me a distraction to help me break out of the spiral. These exact scenarios may or may not apply to you and your partner, but I wanted to give them as examples of ways you can set up support systems so that they’re ready to go in case you need them.

You are very nice person and I’m hope you deal with it, OCD is hard thing but if you love him, you help to him a lot with just understanding what happening with him. It’s really hard and sometimes scary to listen some thoughts but OCD thoughts are just thoughts. He scared of them same as you and even more, thats is why he share them with you, just for lowering anxiety level. English was very bad level so hope you’re understand ?

Whew, sorry that got so long! Hope it’s helpful. Again, kudos to you for reaching out and finding ways to support your partner through this.