Username: issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 6d ago

i want to give up

I’ve been going through this rough patch for the last four months, and I can already feel an even worse one coming. I just feel scared. And on top of that, I’m going to stop therapy. After everything with my current therapist, I just don’t have the strength to keep trying anymore. I feel hopeless. My head hurts so much, and it’s hard to keep going when everything feels this bad. I just want to cry, hope this feeling passes, and maybe try again if it ever lets up. But right now, it feels like nothing will ever get better. I don’t feel like I can ask for help. I hate that it took me so long to realize this wasn’t the therapist for me. I was too scared of being dramatic, so I let it go on for far too long, and now I feel like I’ve just become a burden-like. I hate that I let it get to that point, especially when I was paying for this. I just want to give up. I feel broken down, and I don’t even want to be okay anymore.

Username: hereintheUKhereintheUK

Date posted: 6d ago

I’ve just had the worst Christmas ever and after a huge relapse mid December and my OCD has dragged me through the worst it’s ever done to me. I have felt like I don’t want to be here and like it will never get better…….. I have had no choice but to carry on as I have two children who are depending on me. I know it’s absolute hell but you have to make the choice to BE BRAVE every single day no matter what!! Do everything you can to not let the OCD win!!

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@hereintheUK I don’t want it to win, but I feel so tired. I’m still going to try, you’re very strong 🤍

Username: nae naenae nae

Date posted: 6d ago

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about what happened with that therapist. You shouldn't have ever been made to feel that way (even if unintentional). She might not have fully acknowledged it, but you did make amazing progress. I'm sure the people in this community who have kept up with your posts would agree with me. You said she mentioned that it was taking a bit more time than she expected, but it's not a marathon. It takes time, patience, and lots of trial and error... But, along the way, you'll come to learn what works for you. This might not have been the expected outcome, but it doesn't have to mean all hope is lost. You did your part well, but right now, it's okay to rest. It's okay to be disappointed and uncertain of what's to come. It's okay to cry or just sit and feel... This is part of recovery, too. It's not over yet, and you've been doing amazing so far, even if you might feel like it's an uphill battle. Seriously, I'm really proud of how far you've come. Even if you're in a rough patch right now, you are so, so strong. Don't be harsh with yourself. This is your first time living, after all 🫂❤️‍🩹

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@nae nae Thank you 💗 it means a lot to me. I think I am just going to rest and feel for now. Thank you for your support and encouragement. Thank you for feeling proud of me. I feel like I’ve been set back almost to square one right now. I’ve given into so many compulsions in the last 2 days. I feel so awful. I’m sure I’ll be fine eventually. Right now is just really bad. Thank you again 🤍

Username: TiredddTireddd

Date posted: 6d ago

Same, every day i am more convinced that i am bad

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 6d ago

Are you using NOCD? If not, it is really easy to join, and the sessions are all over ZOOM. They really understand that some therapists are not good fits, so they encourage you to change without any shame if things aren’t working. Hang you tried ERP therapy? It can work when other therapies don’t. Don’t give up yet!!! Have you tried ERP?

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5d ago

@Tea and Honey I am, I’ve messaged the support advocates for a change in therapist. I’m sure they’ll answer tomorrow. I don’t know if we were ever able to figure out how to do ERP with me, I have too many themes and new things popping up at lightning speed that I can barely practice sitting with it before something else attacks. I’m sorry it’s hard to explain and I sound super pessimistic right now but I’m feeling really hopeless. I’m willing to give NOCD another shot but for right now, I think I just need time to get back up

Username: hereintheUKhereintheUK

Date posted: 5d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 I’ve had about ten sessions with a NOCD therapist now and haven’t done much as I can’t figure out how to do ERP for the exact same reasons in that my OCD constantly switches and I feel like my whole life is ERP so I don’t then want to be deliberately triggering myself on top of that x

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 4d ago

@hereintheUK Girl, that is EXACTLY how I feel. I’m so sorry you’re in the same boat. I’ve had 19 sessions with NOCD and I’m still struggling with how to do ERP. May I ask do you have ADHD? I feel like mine is the reason I have a million switches with my OCD.

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 4d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 I hear you. Big hugs. Just keep getting back up 💙💕

Username: hereintheUKhereintheUK

Date posted: 4d ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 I do suspect it’s a possibility but I’ve never been assessed or anything! No one has ever said that they think I might have it either. I had a therapy session booked yesterday that I ended up not doing as I just can’t properly get on board with her, she’s not unhelpful but at the same time she doesn’t personally know what this is like for us and I’m just like ugh!

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 9h ago

@hereintheUK I’ve spoken to a few other people on this app that have similar experiences and they usually also have ADHD lol so it might be worth it to get assessed. Will you be seeing a new therapist? I maybe this one wasn’t the best fit for you and that’s perfectly okay!

Username: Brian__

Date posted: 22w ago

Abt to give up atp

I’m so sick of this disorder I really am. I’m failing school because I havent gone in 5 days because of ocd, im sick right now but I could easily go to school if I wanted to, it’s not because I’m sick, it’s because I’m genuinely afraid to go out, I did a exposure by going to a fair two days ago and it was genuinely fucking horrible, I don’t feel like it helped me. I’m gonna go to school tomorrow but I’m just terrified and I know I’m gonna be miserable and it’s gonna flare up horribly. I don’t want to accept or cope with the fact I have ocd. I don’t want to be ok with my thoughts, why should I have to be ok with my thoughts to get better? Why was I made this way? Why can’t I just be normal? I don’t want to accept the fact I have horrible disgusting thoughts why should I? It makes me feel disgusting and sick. I just really wish I wasn’t dealing with this. I don’t want to die I just wish I was different, so different. I’m so sick of this. I know my past wasn’t my fault but I feel sick and disgusted and like I’m a sick fuck who should be killed or put in jail. I really can’t take it anymore i just want to be ok. I know what it feels like to be happy I just don’t know how to get back there. I was doing so good for 3 weeks. Not a single intrusive thought or urge. I was genuinely happy and now I feel horrible. I don’t want to live like this or be ok with it I just can’t it’s never gonna end why is it fair that I have to live like this?

Username: King silly

Date posted: 20w ago

I feel so close to my limit (TW)

I feel so bad right now, I feel like I’m back being in a dark place, I feel so convinced that I am attracted to these things like I genuinely feel like I am, and that it makes me agree with it, because it feels so strong… I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t deal with this anymore, I’m getting in a dark place, I tried to see if my therapist was available and she hasn’t been available since September 17th, before my breakup, before my OCD got even worse. I feel like shit right now and I don’t know why to do anymore, I just want the pain to end so bad… I just don’t wanna fight anymore, I’m not trying to imply anything bad, but like genuinely give up. I just can’t handle any sort of photo of a kid anymore.

POCD

Username: issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 5w ago

I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop

I feel so freaking scared. I know I’ll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know I’m going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc I’m still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. I’m sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I can’t do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me I’d die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.

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