ROCD question but also progress :)

I’m not sure if this is something normal my OCD has latched onto or if it’s related to ROCD, but sometimes I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend, and I feel awful about it. I feel self conscious of not just myself but of my bf :( The only thing I’m sure about is it doesn’t feel good and it’s usually followed by guilt. And I wish I didn’t feel this way I had a panic attack mostly because of these feelings and also because I realized I’ve never really loved my boyfriend’s name. **I know that’s exactly the thing OCD would focus on 🙂** but it spiraled into thinking about the names of guys and friends. I realized I like some of their names more than my boyfriend’s. That sent me straight into hyperventilating. I know both of these things probably seem ridiculous, but I’m still trying my best. As a small success, I haven’t confessed any of this to my boyfriend 🎉—mostly because I was in the shower (which felt like progress in itself, as my depression has been really bad and my panic debilitating, so taking care of myself felt like a win). After I got out of the shower, my boyfriend was asleep, but I did wake him up but I still didn’t allow myself to confess 🥹. I know I’ll probably end up confessing later, but for now, I’m proud of myself for delaying it. I’m wondering if anyone relates but at the same time I kinda really wanted to share this small sucess :)

arod92

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

I’m celebrating with you in taking care of yourself and recognizing the wins as they come, big or small! 🎉 Yes, I have dealt with both of these things with ROCD. Embarrassed about my bf: Mainly because my boyfriend was not my usual type and shorter than the guys I usually dated. To add to that we are also a mixed weight couple ( I’m on the heavier side) The ROCD attacked this soo much to the point where I wouldn’t want to be out in public with him or I avoided Introducing him to friends. The exposures in my therapy sessions did help me get through and sometimes it likes to creep up again, but I don’t let public opinions / outside noise steal my happiness anymore with someone who genuinely loves me. His Name: I’ve had these thoughts about his name too. I don’t feel any romantic feeling when I say it / see it … lol I’m okay with that now plus I don’t call him by it anyways lol I use to think this was a sign that I should breakup with him, but it’s really not. It took me a lot to get past these things, but I couldn’t have done it without my biggest supporter, my boyfriend turned fiancé. When I finally opened up to him about my thoughts I was clueless about OCD/ ROCD so we were doing everything wrong. Thank God I found out about ROCD and as I learned more about it and felt comfortable enough, I brought my my boyfriend into some of the sessions and it has educated and empowered him on what to do / not to do in moments of my ROCD. I brought him in because I knew he was mentally strong to handle it and he showed me everyday in actions that he wanted to help me find a solution for what I was going through. It’s tough on us that experience OCD but also can be hard on our significant others. They to need guidance. We are not perfect but at least now we are more on the same page. Hope this helps and I’m here if you ever need to talk! 🤍

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 25w

@arod92 Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can relate to many of your reasons: he’s not my usual type, he’s shorter than I typically prefer, and I’m on the heavier side too. But the hardest part for me is the constant teasing from strangers and even family, who joke that we look like siblings, especially since we share the same height, race, and hair. I do my best not to let those feelings affect me, to act normally, and not treat him any differently because he doesn’t deserve that. He truly loves me—I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me and in how gentle and soft he is with me and my heart. I think my biggest struggle is the guilt I feel for ever being embarrassed by him. I wish I had never felt that way, and I wish I to not feel that way ever again, as unrealistic as that wish may be. I’m so happy you and your now fiancé found a way through this. You’re so strong for it, and I really hope I can get to the same point. Thank you for sharing your journey and giving me the chance to relate. I truly appreciate the time you took to write all of this 💕

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

would like a comment:)

This weekend, my boyfriend came to visit me. Before he arrived, I had so many compulsions—I was constantly seeking reassurance, even talking to ChatGPT right up until he got to my house. When he arrived, I tried to listen to what ChatGPT had told me and focus on being present. Even though I still had intrusive thoughts, I was able to feel better at times—I felt love, I wanted to kiss him, and I had moments of connection. But at the same time, there were moments where he would speak kindly to me or express his feelings, and I would have thoughts like “I don’t care about him” or “I feel nothing.” I didn’t feel the compassion I thought I should, and that scared me. Still, overall, I felt relatively better than usual. I had NOCD uninstalled until now, and on Wednesday, I have my first therapy appointment. But now, I’m doubting whether I even need therapy. I start thinking: “What if I can heal on my own?” or “What if going to therapy is a mistake?” And the worst one: “What if I go and realize I don’t have ROCD, and I actually just don’t like my boyfriend?” My boyfriend keeps trying to help me see things rationally. He told me that I have unrealistic expectations of love and that I don’t need to feel constant affection to be in love. He also told me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be feeling so much distress about this. And logically, I know that’s true, but intrusive thoughts still scream the opposite. After he left, I started feeling irritated with him when he talked through messages on the gc woth me and my best friend, like I couldn’t stand him, and that thought scared me. I also had moments thinking about that boy from school, that my mind was scared if me thinking about that random boy i dont know because a while ago i was scared of looking at other boys, ghinking im a horible gf . When I kissed my boyfriend, sometimes his image popped into my head, and I felt terrible. My boyfriend tells me that since I feel guilty and distressed, it’s proof that I love him—because I wouldn’t be this anxious if I didn’t care. But then I get thoughts saying the exact opposite. It’s like my mind keeps creating arguments to convince me that my worst fear is real. I’m exhausted

EmmaGrace27

Date posted: 8w

ROCD doing better

So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 7w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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ROCD question but also progress :)

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