Deleted post.

@Blueberrycows Thank you so much friend!! You have been the light to many peoples darkness including mine with this struggle of OCD. I appreciate your kind words. I understand what you are saying. Not letting the bad experience define us, but seeing what we can learn from these things. Obviously, these things should’ve never happened to us, but they did and we can’t change that. Which leaves us with the option of transmuting the negativity into love and light. Healing yourself, your trauma, helping others. Thank you so much once again. I need to acknowledge my feelings more, and let myself know that it is OK to feel. I barely cry. I barely do any sort of release when I am going through things, and I need to start doing so. I am also sorry to hear that you went through something like that, but it is also good to hear that you are learning to let it change you for the better . In a healthy way. 🩷🩷

@dee012 No problem ❤️ I was saying I went through it like saying you survived just to clarify ❤️

@Blueberrycows Ohhh ok! lol sorry. Got confused

@dee012 No problem my friend

@nae nae Thank you so much for your comment nae, today and the past couple of days has been a struggle. It’s hard doing this alone majority of the time as I have therapy once a week for like 45 minutes. I am sorry you have/ and still might feel the same way I do. It’s not a good feeling, but it’s normal to feel down about this stuff. I really do wish I can go back and be there for myself… it makes me so sad. I had no one (obviously I had family, “friends”, but nobody truly knew me, or helped), and I didn’t understand any of these issues I was having and just thought I was a bad kid. Yes ur right, the shame and guilt is a lot. Especially when you don’t really acknowledge what you went through, sortve just let it be and move on. Suppress it I guess? I don’t know if that makes sense. Like as a kid stuff I went through and did I knew was like not okay I guess or weird per se, but never enough to be like “This is NOT RIGHT. Stop”, and it sucks when you have that feeling YEARS down the line, when you can’t even go back and change anything… it’s frustrating. And not pleasant at all lol. I just feel so sad for my younger self, wondering what wouldve happen if someone cared a little more, or if I just maybe spoke up about these issues. It’s hard navigating these feelings, as a part of me blames myself for what I went through, as sad as it is to say. I think I take the blame due to me not being a perfect victim, but someone who also, has hurt others and made mistakes they deeply regret. Thank you once again for your kind words. We all need to have hope. It’s a great thing. I believe we all choose our lives before we come here, knowing what lessons and challenges we are gonna face, and I personally think it would be an insult to my higher self to give up? I think true peace and happiness is overcoming all of this, and still, remaining good. Despite all the hardships. Hopefully that makes sense. Some of Buddha’s teachings mixed in with my own beliefs I’ve developed throughout my life🩷

@dee012 I'm sorry that you've been sorting through the majority of this by yourself. You're strong, Dee. Not being the perfect victim... Oof, I totally relate to that, and to everything else you said above, honestly. Can't count the number of times I've cycled through those exact thoughts. Also... That's a beautiful way to view it. That we choose our lives before coming here. Thank you for sharing those beliefs with me. It's surprisingly brought me a lot of comfort 🤍

@nsimba184 Hello! Thank you so much for your comment :) I am not religious(strictly following one religion) but I do have my own personal relationship with God and my own spiritual path in life, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to connect with my higher self, (God), due to my past mistakes, trauma I went through, and also ever since I’ve been dealing with OCD.. it just feels like im tainted. And also, OCD targets my spirituality, so it’s hard to even sit and speak with God. I get so distracted, I get frustrated, and I also feel disconnected. Just unworthy of anything good in life. But God wouldn’t want me feeling like that, my younger self wouldn’t want me feeling like that. Thank you so much for that bible verse. It helps a lot. I am not my past, and I don’t need to loathe in guilt and shame forever. Ocd is just a bully and I am not my thoughts either. Your comment is much appreciated during these times of struggle. I wish you the best 🩷

@Tireddd Me too:( I miss when I was just a kid. Whether I was actually happy or not, or miserable, atleast I was in the present moment you know… I just miss being little. I feel like I failed her :( but she was failed… so I dunno I’m really sorry you feel this way also. It sucks, I know. But thank you for ur comment. It helps a lot knowing I’m not alone. We will get through this