How to stop overthinking my boyfriend is cheating?

How to stop overthinking my boyfriend is cheating? He’s cheated before yes.. only once!! (not physically cheating BUT Cheating is cheating I get it)…. I’m still trying to heal and not be so insecure and self doubting myself like I did something wrong or that I’m not enough.. he hasn’t done it again since that day but I still overthink and still feel like I need to check through his social media accounts but I still have this fear but it’s like I know he’s not?? Idk if this makes sense I just need some friendly advice!! Please be respectful!! ❤️‍🩹 I want me and partner to move forward but I constantly keep thinking about it.. that was the one bad thing he’s did in our relationship..we’ve been together for almost two years

Enthusiast

Date posted: 5w ago

I had this feeling come to me just a little while back. I wasn’t even cheated on is the thing. Some fast context, my bf went to a bar alone after work to relax, got hit on, she tried to kiss him, he pulled back, she tries to convince him to cheat, he is still rejecting this woman, she is talking shit about me despite not knowing me, leaving the bar frustrated that her flirting and kissing got nowhere with him. I also think she even had a bf too. Anyway, my bf calls me when he’s home and fills me in. I’m pretty secure with myself so I wasn’t even upset why they had a convo in the first place (talking abt books and shit idk) or that he went alone to a bar. He wanted to relax! Anyway, despite knowing him getting hit on is out of his control I still felt sick to my stomach of the idea of him giving in and cheating. I got thoughts that he did cheat, he wants to cheat, he’s lying etc. To me, I value human connection. Trust is a foundation for healthy and strong human connections. Now I’m being told he’s not cheating nor wants to cheat. What now? The thoughts are still there. Well, I lean into my values. I trust my boyfriend because I want a strong and healthy connection with him. There’s uncertainty that comes with trust. It’s not my job to think about the risks that come with it if I do trust. I will simply trust because I had the intention of building a strong and healthy connection. I will not be hard on myself if my trust is broken or compromised. I know there’s risk and I can’t predict what people do with it once it’s given. So my advice to you is to simply trust because you want this connection. You can’t help what your bf will do with that trust. When leaning into trust you can get thoughts like “is he cheating? Do I trust him?” Don’t answer to it. Keep trusting because this is a connection you want to be strong and healthy.

itgirl96

Date posted: 5w ago

@Enthusiast Thank you for this friendly advice ❤️

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

I understand how you are feeling, when someone cheats, even if it was just once, it’s really hard, and those emotions can linger for a long time. It makes sense that you’re still struggling with trust and overthinking, even if you logically know he hasn’t done anything since. Wanting to check his social media is understandable, but does it actually help you feel better in the long run? Trust takes time to rebuild, and it’s okay to communicate what you need to feel secure in the relationship. Are you seeing a therapist? Having support while you work through these feelings can really help.

itgirl96

Date posted: 5w ago

@AnonymityK Thank you for the advice! Yes, I e been seeing a therapist since September of last year! ❤️‍🩹 it’s been helping a little! I’m just trying to heal and get better but it’s like I’m always bringing up the past and he’s patient and understanding on why I do but it’s like I’m trying to move forward and fully trust again. No one told me the healing process can be this hard 😩😩

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@itgirl96 but I have friends who have. One thing they did was resist the urge to check. One of them once told me, ‘I decided to forgive him and continue our relationship, so it wouldn’t be fair to keep bringing up the past—something I chose to forgive and move past.

itgirl96

Date posted: 5w ago

@AnonymityK How do I stop overthinking that it could happen again? And how do I stop blaming myself for a mistake that he did? I do feel insecure about myself because he told me he never cheated in his past relationship but he made that mistake with me 😟

AnonymityK

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@itgirl96 I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Overthinking and self-blame are common after cheating, but please remember that his choices are his responsibility, not yours. The fact that he didn’t cheat in the past but did in this relationship says more about him, not you. It wasn’t about you lacking something—it was about his decisions. I think it’s going to take a bit of time to move past it, but it’s important for you to put in the effort to do so. Maybe try to bring yourself back to the present moment when you find yourself overthinking it. And be gentle with yourself—self-compassion means giving yourself the same understanding and kindness you’d offer a friend.

No matric ce...

Date posted: 5w ago

I would say you would have to accept uncertainty and do erp cause you will never be certain he is not cheating ,unless you see obvious red flags he is cheating

Matlock

Date posted: 7w ago

My ROCD is driving me away from my boyfriend

I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?

Chickenwang123

Date posted: 27d ago

If I cheated on my boyfriend or did something unloyal , would it come to mind 8 months later? Wouldn’t I have felt and known about it and that it was wrong the second it had happened ? If I wasn’t worried about it 8 months ago, should I worry about it now ? I have major ocd involving cheating and relationships and self doubt .

anonymous737...

Date posted: 17d ago

feeling like i did something

I often feel like i did something wrong even tho i am positive i didn’t, my boyfriend and i have been together for like 6 months and i’ve been completely loyal to him the whole time but recently i’ve been feeling the need to confess that i cheated on him even tho i didn’t and there’s absolutely no proof that i did something even close, i don’t talk to other men and if i do my boyfriend has full access to my phone and it’s usually a friend or me asking a simple question but i still feel the need to confess even tho i’ve done nothing wrong🥲 someone please help it’s so confusing

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

How to stop overthinking my boyfriend is cheating?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community