Anyone struggling with hocd going through this: growing up (18 now) I've never had a boyfriend or even my first kiss. I'm super awkward with that type of stuff for some reason and just don't know why. So any opportunity of having a serious boyfriend I was always uncomfortable and said no. That also had to do with me not liking my body and thinking that a guy would find it super ugly and unlovable. So with that being said I'm afraid I'm a lesbian or bi and like I don't find boys attractive anymore. I'm scared cause I want to be with a guy but I'm afraid I'll never find a guy I want to be with and find out in the long run I'm a lesbian or something. I don't want to be with girls but ocd is kicking me in my ass. Telling me that only girls are attractive, picking apart anything I find attractive on a guy and it makes me sad. Also sorry for the tmi but I'm afraid I won't find a penis attractive and that's that and I'm lesbian. I know I have to accept the unknown but I'm truly terrified cause of my past that it is set that I'm bi or lesbian and just was too stupid to know it.

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

Im a 22F i have struggled with ocd probably all my life but it really came to a head when i was 15 I had a severe panic attack surronding the potential of being lesbian or asexual. As a young child i did experiment with some of my friends and remembering feeling arousal. At the age of around 7 i started watching corn, mainly lesbian corn i guess i found it more arousing (This makes me very anxious would watch twerking or provocative stuff. Although from memory i only had crushes on boys. I still continued to watch corn changing types and so forth. When i got a bit older i became really shy and scared of boys i remember being 13 and this boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend i panicked and cried. I would panic for days after my first kiss worrying about people knowing or i was bad etc. I felt as though i would find guys attractive but wouldnt think “ I want them to rip my clothes off” i would think they are hot or nice to look at and may feel nice inside. Around the age of 13 i saw this girl at a cheer comp who i thought was stunning i became obsessed with her wanting to be her friend and even starting cheer at the gym i dont believe i wanted to be intimate with her but i cant really remember all i know is i started to by clothes i saw her wearing and wanting to be like possibly thought about a kiss but i cant remember and if i did i dont remember me thinking much about it at the time. Then when i hit around 15 it all came to ahead ending with me in the hospital from the sheer panic of being a lesbian bi or asexual. I had gotten over that theme but still felt my attraction was warped to some degree, and continuing porn use. i then enetered my first relationship and i liked him at the start but sex was an issue i felt excited but not satisfied due to manu reasons including contamination and checking if i felt attracted or aroused enough. Currently going through another episode of this and i really would like some help, advice and i know reassurance is not great but if anyone has experienced something similar. I cant picture myself in a relationship with a woman and i dont think im attracted to any women in real life but i also worry that im not attracted to boys either i just feel like my childhood is a stem for my anxiety with this theme Sorry for the long post