Lina
- Date posted
- 5y ago
poprocks1poprocks1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know exactly what you are going through, I am dealing with the same thing although I have kissed guys and enjoyed it. I’ve always been really self conscious and nervous about being intimate with guys my brain will start with questions like “what if you are a bad kisser, what if he thinks you are ugly, what if you hook-up with him and it’s bad and he tells all of his friends.” These what if questions have prevented me from doing anything, my ocd convinced me that I was ugly and that I would never find someone, then I got a nose job and felt better about myself. I was still nervous about guys because of my root fear of being vulnerable/intimate and then my ocd was like “oh you must be asexual or you must be gay.” What is really going on is my anxiety is about being intimate and my ocd is turning into something it is not, that is why it is called the doubting disease.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y ago
OMG GIRL YES! THAT'S LITTERALLY ME! Intimacy, closeness, vulnerability, reliability scares me ? it's a slow process to overcome but we can do it ??
poprocks1poprocks1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Also, I’ve always had crushes on guys and I’ve also done the same thing, been self conscious or just friend zoned them because it was safer than being vulnerable. I’ve not once questioned my sexuality and have always been obsessed with boys and fantasizing about being with them but the OCD goes into doubt mode and says “well why haven’t you actually taken the jump and been intimate- there must be something wrong with you???” I am a horseback rider and I think about it like this: when I was really young I was so afraid of falling off the horse- like paralyzing anxiety- once I fell off, I realized I was ok and I kept riding and loved it. The same thing comes with intimacy and vulnerability- even if things go south/ you are self conscious about yourself, the world is not going to end, you will get through it . This is still something I am working on. Your anxiety wants to prevent you from doing things that bring you joy in your life- and the OCD just makes you obsess over it and takes it to a whole new level.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@meg1234 YES YES YES, the ending was perfect. My bf is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I enjoy being intimate with him, but the thing is, there's still a part of me that's uncomfortable and wants to pull away. So. My brain kept telling me "you gotta leave him , you gotta leave him, you gotta leave him, something bad is gonna happen, leave" and I didn't know why so it made me feel very guilty. And then my brain malfunctioned and completely went bananas. So here we are ??♀️??♀️
poprocks1poprocks1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@NocturnalGyal Yep! The ocd will always question something so we have to get to the root of it and tackle it head on!
honorroll1honorroll1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@LinaD10 Yes Im 23 and just had my first kiss when i was 21. Ive still not had a boyfriend or been on a date yet. Im extremely awkward and uncomfortable still too. I feel the exact same way about everything you said down to the T. But it is really is HOCD. We got this. I always tell myself "Yea right hocd haha if you say so". That helps me and ive been going at least a couple of days without a trigger. Until now.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Growing up I was an ugly ass girl. My step sister was always getting guys because she was the pretty one, I was more Tom boyish, awkward, chubby, and just really low self esteem. I thought no guy would want me because at every school dance, no guy would ask me to dance and would ask my sister instead :/ I was never really that boy crazy either until grade 8/9 and then highschool I kind of glowed up and the attention I received was very exciting ?? however, before high school, I was a heavy loner. I had absolutely no friends, I didn't want to get close to anyone. (which is my proof for HOCD lmao makes no sense but wtv, along with childhood Expirementation which I'm still trying to understand is normal but I can't seem to accept that for some reason ??) during high school I had no boyfriends, they all seemed immature, and I never liked commitment (how mature of me lol). But ofc, this is what feuls my HOCD. I did question my sexuality once before my current relationship. But I was quick and simple. I said, that ain't me lol, and moved on. During 10-12th grade leading up to when I got my current bf, my attraction to men GREW SO MUCH MORE and that eventually feuled my ROCD ? which then morphed in HOCD and TOCD temporarily (thank God). But yes. That's my struggle :)
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I would also add that I did have crushes during elementary school but I was so shy I felt like a fool for even thinking I could get with them ?
Related posts
Dead girl wa...
- Date posted
- 22w ago
I’m confused
Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
Ellie.
- Date posted
- 8w ago
I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
vizzy15
- Date posted
- 5w ago
So-ocd
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
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