I’m panicking pls help

The compulsive praying for harm on others is back. I know compulsions are a choice, but right now, it feels impossible not to do them. I was spiraling because I thought about losing my boyfriend, and that scared me so much. But then, my brain twisted it with thinking that I would feel liberated and find comfort and new love if my boyfriend were “out of the way” and to this I almost felt excited? I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want him to die or go away. I don’t want him to be gone. But then, that spiraled into these awful thoughts where I felt like I had to pray for harm or death on him. I don’t know why I feel the urge to do this. It doesn’t feel like it will make anything better; it just makes me feel like it’s more likely to happen. I feel trapped in them. I don’t understand why my brain keeps doing this, can anyone help? Please

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4w ago

OCD can work in very strange ways. Sometimes, so strange to the point where we can't understand why they operate in such a way. Whether or not OCD seems sensible, it still remains OCD. Not saying anything about you or any true intentions deep down. That is false. I'm sorry that these thoughts are hurting you so much. Try to give yourself the permission to reject those compulsions, even if you feel like you need to do them for temporary relief.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 4w ago

@BigGyro09 Yeah, I really, *really* don’t understand what’s happening or why this is even a compulsion. It seems insanely counterintuitive. Whenever I do the compulsion, I feel immediate dread. I think you told me a few months ago that some compulsions only give the illusion of relief if they’re completed and when they’re done they only make it everything feel worse instead of better. I think you stated it much clearer lmfao but I was thinking about your words as I wrote the post. Thank you for replying always, it means so much to me.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4w ago

@issphra 🫶🏻 Yeah, there can be times where compulsions do make situations worse. Checking is definitely one compulsion that can make things worse because your OCD will just trick you into blaming yourself for doing the compulsion it literally told you would help you. It really can be a bothersome demon at times. I'm glad that I could help whenever I can. I think what can really help is just giving yourself that permission to just say "I will not do the compulsion." I hope that helps

Healing Poet

Date posted: 4w ago

Babe, breathe. I follow when you post because I relate so much. I had a recent episode where my mom triggered me and my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and how it’s okay to not have sex all the time and I had a very ugly and intrusive thought about “I can get it elsewhere” and I don’t want that. I’ve developed bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts from my past. Your mind is on a cycle, you aren’t a horrible person. You are not your thoughts. You are your actions. Your truth. You are not a horrible person and you won’t randomly find someone new. You love your boyfriend and he loved you. Stop entertaining intrusive thoughts and if you’re praying and harmful thoughts come through. Make a cycle. “I wish something bad would happen to so and so” -> “that’s funny mind, we don’t want that and don’t take the pleasure in that. We are at a normal baseline and can be neutral and not think negative” and ground yourself. You keep cycling your thoughts you will make it worse for you. You aren’t a horrible human. You aren’t these horrible things your mind calls you. You are you. Your OCD and anxiety makes you care so much about things against your values. Ultimately. Your actions are what matter, love. Good luck.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 4w ago

@Healing Poet I didn’t get notified of your comment, but I’m glad I stumbled across it. Thank you for your support and advice 🩵

Anonymous

Date posted: 4w ago

(My main theme is religious OCD so I understand your fears.) Hi friend, I can't speak on what you think or feel, but I know that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. He cares for your deeply and He knows all your thoughts already! He is the Sovereign and Omnipotent God. Put it all at His feet and He will give your rest (1 Peter 5:7). This is just a thought, and thoughts and feelings do not dictate truth.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 4w ago

@Anonymous Thank you, I’m trying my best to see these “prayers” as just another thought

BeeCee87

Date posted: 24w ago

Intrusive thoughts Help.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

carol.xxx

Date posted: 21w ago

flare up please respond

Hey guys, I am having the worst HARM OCD episode I have had in a while. I am having disgusting, awful intrusive thoughts about harming others. It feels so real. It feels as if I am about to get up and just do it. The worst bit about it all Is I know I feel distressed and panicked. But where the thoughts are actually happening ( in my head) doesnt feel this feeling. This is making it feel worse as it really does feel like Im just going to do it. I am crying my eyes out because I know im petrified and dont want to hurt anyone im so scared. I have this terrible intrusive feeling in my that feels like its justifying the thoughts. Please can someone talk as I am scared Im crying I dont want know what to do I want this feeling gone I am so scared. I tell myself Id kill myself before hurting anyone else, but would i ? What if I actually do want to kill Please respond Im so scared

Harm OCD

King silly

Date posted: 19w ago

Not seeking reassurance, just prayers

Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before

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I’m panicking pls help

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