- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I dealt with real event ocd, which sounds like what you’re talking about. It was so bad it was making me suicidal, I don’t want to die. I have a small baby, a family I love... it just was too much to take. When I sought help for the first time ever after having ocd tendencies for as long as I can remember the psychiatrist confirmed I had ocd and was too caught up with what is considered morally right or not. Everyone has mistakes, mine are so hard for me to move on from that I will ruminate so hard I’m having heart attack like panic attacks... but over the last 2 months I’ve been better at ignoring those dead end thoughts. They have nothing to offer me other than self-hatred and misery so I try my best to skirt over the existence of any of those intrusive thoughts. Some days are better than others, I hope you feel better soon ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thankyou Harper, I do have some real event OCD that I've been dealing with. Mainly its "You're a bad person because in the past you visited porn websites online". My brain has chosen too stick to this thought so much, I cant even get out of the thought long enough to consider porn websites are quite normal in this day and age, and I dont go on them anymore at all and it's been a long time since so why do I still feel such heavy shame? My brain practically tortures me. It's horrible. I've had ocd tendencies, all my brain waits for is something new to latch on to. I spent 2 years convinced I had cancer and now this...
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@MJocd Mine is based off of visiting porn sites when younger too. Unfortunately this is the day and age that kids are growing up in. My mom caught my brother watching porn and he’s 8 years old ☹️ I wish the internet were a little safer
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Harper Oh wow really!? That makes me feel a bit better than I'm not alone. I felt like I was the only one! It's true, I wish the internet was much more safer and censored. I stumbled across porn websites when I was 15 and from about 17-20 I visited them quite regularly out of curiosity and just not thinking much about it. When I was 20 though, I had a realisation that porn is just unethical and doesn't align with my moral values at all so I stopped and never went back. Now I'm almost 22, it's been awhile since I viewed porn but I get randomly struck by a memory of porn I may have saw in that time and feel so much shame, and the memory repeats until the point where my brain adds its it's own details in. Its horrible. Porn isn't a nice thing at all, theres all sorts of stuff on those websites and I just wish I had never, ever come across them or been curious about porn or viewed porn at all. I also caught my brother watching porn when he was only 13, from seeing his porn history and it made me really sad.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@MJocd Thanks for sharing guys. I struggle with porn and it’s part of why I developed Scrupilosity and moral ocd
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I was also thinking they are intrusive thoughts. Like what Harper says. My intrusive thoughts are very similar to yours. ❤
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Its horrible:-( so, so horrible!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thankyou, I'll try and find it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I occasionally have thoughts like that, but rather than being about porn, it's more about liking girls. I'd think about how people view me as a girl who likes girls (I'm a trans guy, sooo) and is such a lesbian and I'd feel so so guilty and ashamed for it. I'd think that I'm the worst child a parent can ask for or that I made up the whole trans thing to decrease the guilt of being a lesbian (even though I would do anything to be a guy lol) And also guilt about watching porn ? or lying, or cheating.. etc.. ...hmm, maybe I have a bit of moral OCD.. or not?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m sorry that sounds rough!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
- Date posted
- 18w ago
This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
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