- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I dealt with real event ocd, which sounds like what you’re talking about. It was so bad it was making me suicidal, I don’t want to die. I have a small baby, a family I love... it just was too much to take. When I sought help for the first time ever after having ocd tendencies for as long as I can remember the psychiatrist confirmed I had ocd and was too caught up with what is considered morally right or not. Everyone has mistakes, mine are so hard for me to move on from that I will ruminate so hard I’m having heart attack like panic attacks... but over the last 2 months I’ve been better at ignoring those dead end thoughts. They have nothing to offer me other than self-hatred and misery so I try my best to skirt over the existence of any of those intrusive thoughts. Some days are better than others, I hope you feel better soon ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou Harper, I do have some real event OCD that I've been dealing with. Mainly its "You're a bad person because in the past you visited porn websites online". My brain has chosen too stick to this thought so much, I cant even get out of the thought long enough to consider porn websites are quite normal in this day and age, and I dont go on them anymore at all and it's been a long time since so why do I still feel such heavy shame? My brain practically tortures me. It's horrible. I've had ocd tendencies, all my brain waits for is something new to latch on to. I spent 2 years convinced I had cancer and now this...
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Mine is based off of visiting porn sites when younger too. Unfortunately this is the day and age that kids are growing up in. My mom caught my brother watching porn and he’s 8 years old ☹️ I wish the internet were a little safer
- Date posted
- 5y
@Harper Oh wow really!? That makes me feel a bit better than I'm not alone. I felt like I was the only one! It's true, I wish the internet was much more safer and censored. I stumbled across porn websites when I was 15 and from about 17-20 I visited them quite regularly out of curiosity and just not thinking much about it. When I was 20 though, I had a realisation that porn is just unethical and doesn't align with my moral values at all so I stopped and never went back. Now I'm almost 22, it's been awhile since I viewed porn but I get randomly struck by a memory of porn I may have saw in that time and feel so much shame, and the memory repeats until the point where my brain adds its it's own details in. Its horrible. Porn isn't a nice thing at all, theres all sorts of stuff on those websites and I just wish I had never, ever come across them or been curious about porn or viewed porn at all. I also caught my brother watching porn when he was only 13, from seeing his porn history and it made me really sad.
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd Thanks for sharing guys. I struggle with porn and it’s part of why I developed Scrupilosity and moral ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
I was also thinking they are intrusive thoughts. Like what Harper says. My intrusive thoughts are very similar to yours. ❤
- Date posted
- 5y
Its horrible:-( so, so horrible!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou, I'll try and find it
- Date posted
- 5y
I occasionally have thoughts like that, but rather than being about porn, it's more about liking girls. I'd think about how people view me as a girl who likes girls (I'm a trans guy, sooo) and is such a lesbian and I'd feel so so guilty and ashamed for it. I'd think that I'm the worst child a parent can ask for or that I made up the whole trans thing to decrease the guilt of being a lesbian (even though I would do anything to be a guy lol) And also guilt about watching porn ? or lying, or cheating.. etc.. ...hmm, maybe I have a bit of moral OCD.. or not?
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m sorry that sounds rough!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
At the beginning of this year, I experienced false memories for the first time about watching bad stuff online, which I have never done in my life. I then turned to hours upon hours of googling and researching about it and reading articles about it. I'd sometimes google the same articles or topics multiple times a day. I then also remembered that I watched a clip once from Big Mouth (not knowing they were teens at the time). I became so afraid that I was being watched by the authorities or my ISP simply for doing research that I impulsively deleted my Google activity and became extremely paranoid that I was a bad person and a criminal, even though I'd never ever had these types of thoughts before. Then felt bad afterwards because I was like omg what if i am bad because what if it seems like I'm trying to hide a crime. I just really hate myself rn. I know we shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I'm more just pondering this, does this make me a bad person? Is there anyone else who has experienced something similar? Does this mean I still have OCD? or am I truly just only worried about how other people see me? Even while typing this, I'm asking myself, what does this all mean.
- Older adults with OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Real Events OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- POCD
- Date posted
- 19w
Hey guys, for the past three months I’ve been obsessing over a mistake I made about 6 months ago, I constantly have panic attacks and wake up in fight or flight mode I have convinced myself that someone is gonna find me somehow and punish me. I have endlessly looked up reassurance that what I did wouldn’t get me in trouble or something, I have filled up 5 different ChatGPT chats and it tells me it’s 100% certain nothing will happen. But then I convince myself well everyone says not to trust it and then I just spiral again. The point is I’m just scared, I’ve convinced myself this isn’t OCD because it’s something I actually did wrong. I can’t stop looking for reassurance because that’s the only thing that makes me feel safe anymore. Everyone tells me, just say maybe, maybe not, but my brain has convinced me the stakes are too high. I’m too scared and I don’t know what to do.
- Date posted
- 16w
I’ve heard it’s not good to seek reassurance or give it because it lowers your tolerance to uncertainty. But how do I avoid seeking reassurance when my thoughts and doubts are so bad, I genuinely just don’t know anymore if I’m a bad person or if it’s just OCD? I know I’m supposed to sit with the uncertainty, but how can I do that when the uncertainty has me unable to trust my own brain? Especially when the OCD is real event and POCD? How can I not seek reassurance when I feel so alone and so abnormal and just don’t wanna feel that way anymore? In turn, I see so many people on here struggling so bad and my heart breaks for them. How can I give advice to towers without giving them reassurance and hurting them in the long run?
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