Thinking about quitting

I'm thinking about quitting ERP. I just can't seem to do this. I know how high the stakes are and I'm still not motivated enough. I'm still prioritizing compulsions over treatment. I say I "can't" do an hour a day of ERP practice, I "can't" even keep up with eating and drinking and sleeping, etc. But you know what I can do? Spend 5 hours doing compulsions that mess up my body. I don't know what it would take for me to shift my priorities, but I sure haven't found it yet. I'm pretty sure I'd lose everything and die before actually doing the hard work I need to do. And honestly, that's probably the path I'm on... I'm falling apart. How do I actually shift this? What's wrong with me?

anonymous00001

Date posted: 2d

I’m so sorry you’re feeling stuck. I have absolutely been there. 😞 I’ve been at points where it felt like I would never be okay again, and where doing compulsions felt like the only option even though I knew exactly what usually helps me. My best advice would be to try not to beat yourself up for it. Something that really helped my perspective is this: In tough moments, I accepted that I can’t do it. It’s not a reverse psychology thing, it’s just one way you can say to yourself “okay, I accept how I am right now. I’m not going to punish myself for this. I’m having a really hard time.” The more I showed myself that I wasn’t going to be mean to myself, the easier it became to try to do small things to help myself. I have a lot of thoughts about this and some other visualization things that helped if you’re interested. But above all, just want to say that it’s SO hard and it can get better. You don’t have to keep pushing yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

My advice is, just keep showing up. For yourself. I don’t understand this all yet myself as I am new to ALL OF THIS. I’m right there with you feeling like I will never be ok again. Everyone goes through tough seasons and it SUUUUUUCKS. But there’s a time for hitting rock bottom and breaking and being completely 100% yourself in those moments where you feel like you aren’t going to make it the next day. You WILL. It’s hard as hell. But you have the strength in there to keep trying. Don’t give up because it’s hard. Sometimes the hardest times are the best times because you proved to yourself in the worst of times you thought you couldn’t and you kept going. And that’s strength. That’s pushing through. I am right, there. Too. It is extremely hard to keep going. But we got this. I believe in us!

DJ Herman

Date posted: 2d

Inpatient. Let go and let god.

Peppermint

Date posted: 2d

there's no inpatient here that can handle somebody with ocd appropriately. last time I tried, simply because I was pacing, they surrounded me with security, forced me to take medication, and locked me in a padded room with nothing in it for some unmeasurable amount of time (I had no way to know anything about time - no clock, no windows). I'm not signing up for more traumatic "help".

anonymous00001

Date posted: 16h

Hi ❤️ Just wanted to check in on you. How are you today?

Peppermint

Date posted: 12h

Really terribly. Had therapy today and refused to do an ERP exposure. Been doing compulsions for hours. Can barely tolerate anything right now.

Cherno

Date posted: 17w

ERP not working, been doing it for 8 months

My theme is suicidal OCD. I’ve been doing ERP since last year November and the overall intensity of my thoughts have not reduced at all. I have these thoughts 24/7 and my life feels like a living hell. Not two minutes goes by throughout the day where I’m not suffering from relentless thoughts. I don’t want to take meds because of the side effects and my insurance is coming to an end so it’d be difficult to ween off them by myself. I’m starting to feel so hopeless because I’ve done the toughest of the toughest exposures and I’m not getting better at all. My life is a living hell and I don’t see my condition with OCD getting better anytime sooner.

Suicidal OCD

Dicjehfkfbs

Date posted: 11w

Meta-narrative (?) Fear/OCD/doubt about ERP

One place where my OCD tends to crop up is around contamination (ie ways that I believe I am endangering my family, whether exposing them to danger or whether I am the danger myself). But sometimes I feel that my fears are totally justified and that ERP is just trying to gaslight my brain into forgetting my responsibility to keep them safe. I don’t really believe in ERP right now and I don’t see why I should. Truthfully, I’ve never seen why I should. I don’t want to be calm. At least, that’s not my priority. I want my family to be safe, and if they’re not, then why should I be calm about that? Being at peace should be a by-product of having done my best to protect them. Maybe I can “live with” the possibility of something external happening if I’ve done what I can to protect them, but if I’m not doing that, then I have no right to be at peace. Does anyone else feel this way, and how do you answer yourself? I’m feeling angry and disillusioned about what ERP is trying to accomplish. I’m feeling like it’s setting up a false peace in my mind that doesn’t match the truth that my fear is trying to make me understand. I have heard my therapist say that I need to work the process if I want it to work, but I am not even sold on whether the promised result is worth pursuing. Please help if you can.

ocdisnotaslay

Date posted: 10w

erp of pure ocd

Why is it actually so hard to not do compulsions ive literally not done it for a few hours but then I kept having more and more intrusive thoughts feelings sensations all that stuff that just make it so real where you start feeling like do I like this and why are the thoughts so specific and you can’t stop ur mind from doing what it’s doing, so I gave into compulsions I’m mad at myself I was doing so well but I’m just so scared of what these thoughts/sensations mean about me because when it actually feels like real like yeah that feeling feels like the truth about how I feel about this thought or this thought must be something I actually like,HOW ON EARTH AM I NOT GONNA WANAN DO A COMPULSION AND THEN WHEN I START I CANT STOP MY MIND IS RACING TRYAN DO ALL THE COMPULSIONS. Then my brain slows down and I’m like hey but u still haven’t figured out this part of the thought that could be real,by this time I don’t even really remember. I’m trying my best I really really am what am I doing wrong I need help Also my therapist has been away she’s back this week

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