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Anonymous

Date posted: 2h

Sudden POCD Real Event fucking me up

I'm sorry I'm posting so much tonight. I'm struggling so hard. I keep unearthing disgusting memories that I can't quite perfectly remember, but know for a fact have happened. So, I don't know exactly what age I was when I did this. I believe it was before I was in High School, at least. 11-13, I saw CP. Or I guess... Accidental CP? It was something on YouTube, no abuse or anything. I feel like I shouldn't describe exactly what it is. Point is, I don't know what age the person in the video was. But I ended up searching for more videos like it hoping I could find more. Words cannot describe my disgust at this memory. I was such a fucking perverted child and I don't understand why. Feel physical pain all at of the messed up memories I have of shit I did as a kid. Who the fuck let their child have a YouTube channel? ...Oh yeah. My parents let me have a YouTube channel. That channel is still stuck on the internet because I can't access it anymore. I just can't stop obsessing and playing the memories back in my head. I don't want to see it in my head anymore. I want it to go away. Every time I feel confident for a half second that I've gotten through a memory, my brain has to give me another.

Betty8989

Date posted: 2h

Take meds fluxotine helps used to take zoloft didnt help at all medicine helps names caroline alot my brain somehow litterally in the bed saying names even with hair pulling feeling the urge to pull the hair zoloft help which part of the ocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 2h

Im so sorry that happened, when I was around that age as well I was such a terrible kid but actually no way before because does some fucking reason I knew what corn was at the age 6.. and because of that I did get in trouble from my parents but secretly I became obsessed with it until I did a really bad thing involving others at age 11 till 13 and im so dumb and disgusting and I just wish I was never born then the world would be so much better without me. Im so sorry I am dropping this in your comments 😭. But I truly hope you will be okay.

Betty8989

Date posted: 2h

Aw your good person its not you

Betty8989

Date posted: 2h

You know when little now think abput ocd was there taking paxil i was obessed being thrown in the floor lol running down the moutains ocd has its effects luvox helps just dking careless behaviour you are goid person

Anonymous

Date posted: 2h

Don't worry, I don't mind a trauma dump. I can promise you the world would not be better off without you. Part of me sometimes wonders if I was abused sexually as a kid. I'm not gonna think about it too hard, I probably don't want to know, but yeah, I knew about a lot of shit that I shouldn't have. Knew how to find a lot of shit I shouldn't have. How about a bit of a funny memory, now that it came to me. I remember watching Family Feud with my family when I was really young. Like 6? I don't remember what the question was, but I remember I just said "SEX!" as loud as I could. Family was so confused.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2h

@Anonymous Thank you!

Betty8989

Date posted: 2h

Its ocd sometimes think is a demon remember would get obessed with names repeated repeate more 100 times no medicone ocd was getting bad let the thoughts be thoughts buy headphone whst hekps prayers and bible audio

Related posts

Givenup

Date posted: 25w

Pocd and horrible real events

I think these are the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... When I was 18, i unknowingly consumed l*licon a couple times... I didnt know what the term was at the time... I thought that since it was on a public site, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... it's been 5 years since then... im 23... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed...

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?

Givenup

Date posted: 7w

I cant forgive myself

18+ I think these are some of the the worst real events ive ever done... and Im so triggered because the last thing I want is to be a a P or a MAP... im triggered because I dont want the people ive become friends with on NOCD to block me because they think im a P or a MAP... thats the last thing I want... These events, combined with my extremely horrible pocd real events at the ages of either 13 or 14... (for context i cant remember the exact age) makes me think im a P when i dont ever want to be... When I was 17-18... i s3xually consumed l0licon on occasion... I saw the term, but i didnt know what the term meant... I thought that since it was on public h3ntai sites, and it had millions of views, that i thought it was safe to consume... when I did my research when I was 19 (and my pocd first emerged) onto what exactly the term was... I was horrified and mortified... I puked and gagged and felt numb for days... and I never ever looked at it again... it's been 5 years since then... im 24 now... and the last thing I want is to ever be exposed to this kind of content ever again... let alone consume it... I should've been more knowledgeable and it's my fault... my pocd and real events ocd call me a P and a MAP when these are the LAST things i want to be... I know what I did was wrong and I regret it immensely till this day... and im so overwhelmed... the last thing i want is to be inappropriately attracted to kids in any capacity... im just so anxious and triggered...

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