- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey I have Pure O and am currently with the love of my life. I feel crazy too and on my worst days I just want to run away but my partner is the greatest thing in my life so I fight my OCD every day. I am trying to mood log more when stress triggers arise (work is the worst trigger) and to meditate. I am learning through the work to separate my thoughts with who I am and OCD will attack what you love the most. Sounds like you have a deep commitment for your partner if your OCD is wylin’ out
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel you so much. I will get to a therapist, but until than i try to cope with it. Listen, for the first month of recovery - you will feel the most intense episode. After that, you start to feel better. Did you got an information about this kind of issue to focus the therapy on? Pals, one things is for sure - we struggled and fear to death because we love them the most.
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel u.
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand, that’s really hard. OCD is so terrible isn’t it? I would recommend writing down everything, and I mean EVERYTHING you love about her. what you love about her style, her personality, the things she does. maybe even keep a journal just about your relationship, what you did for her today, what she did for you today. I think that will open your eyes, and show that you truly do love her, and have always loved her, it’s just OCD that’s trying to come in and fuck with everything, but it WONT! :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, indeed. The thought that im out of love with her makes me to feel like im burning by the devil itself. I dont know what am i support to do, what my actually the fear and how to look on my feelings. I know that i numb because if anxeity, but i dont know what to do with it
- Date posted
- 5y
Working with a therapist has helped with diagnosis (though my OCD loves challenging the diagnosis lol) and we focus on mood logging and recovery circles to help untangle the thoughts. I keep a feelings wheel picture on my phone in intense flare ups to be in touch with what I am feeling. Developing a strong sense of Self is a key focus. Self-nurturing your self helps build your confidence. I meditate, ride my bike, and sing in a choir to build that so I can challenge my OCD thoughts. It will look different for you, of course, but keep on finding what you love about your self and what you know to be true. OCDDoodles is a fun instagram account, the owner says to lead with your values. From what I see you value the heck out of your partner (as I love mine!) I know sometimes the OCD feels real but we take it day by day!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
For some time i was obsessing over relationship with my girlfriend. For a long time we we're each other's best friends and we only had each other. Recently she made a good friend in work and im obviously really happy for her because she deserves to be loved by more people than me. But i started to feel really jealous. I never thought she can cheat on me i just have really low self esteem and i started to obsess over if she is still in love with me or if she is still attracted to me bc she sometimes would be more interested to spend time with that friend and not me. We talked about it a lot and i tried my best to not be jealous and give her space but i felt how she's distancing from me. At some point she stopped showing me her love in any way. She stopped hugging me and kissing me and she kinda stop telling me she loves me. She only responded "me too" when i told her i love her. I talked about it with her few times and she always said she understands and that she's tired and don't really need physical touch etc. But i was still worrying bc i just knew something is off. She really was acting different. And then few days ago she told me she's actually tired not because of job but me. She feels irritated by me and she don't know why and that she actually thought about breaking up with me and she don't know what to do because she's confused about her own feelings. She said she thinks she still loves me but it's hard for her to see a difference between friendship and love and that she feels tired of concept of dating someone. She said we should wait and see bc she thinks she still loves me but i don't know if that's honest. I don't know what to do anymore im crying all the time every day since that conversation we had. I feel like my worst nightmare just came true and now it's real and not only a though in my head. I can't do anything and i feel like it's the end of the world. We're living together and i don't want to go back to my parents but that's not the worst thing. I just love her so much and i can't hande thought of loosing her. My ocd made me question every single thing about me but somehow i never questioned my love for her so that's why I'm so emotional about it. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do i just want to be loved but I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do im so scared. I want to die every time i look at her with love in my heart and i know she doesn't think about me like that anymore.
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi. I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long, and I feel like I’m losing myself more and more every day. I’m 18 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years with someone who truly loves me( i have these thoughts and bad feelings since month 4 in the relationship) He’s kind, patient, and he really cares. But for a long time now… I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle of fear, doubt, and emotional numbness. It started slowly — little intrusive thoughts like: • “Do I really love him?” • “What if I’m lying to him?” • “What if I never truly loved him, and I’m just realizing it now?” • “What if I’m wasting my youth in the wrong relationship?” And now? These thoughts feel louder than anything else. I don’t feel love anymore — not clearly. Sometimes I even feel repulsed or irritated. I hate admitting that, because I feel like a horrible person. He hasn’t done anything wrong — in fact, he just wants me to be happy and close again. But I feel like I’ve lost all my feelings, my sexual desire, my clarity, and my connection. It feels like my chest is heavy all the time. Every day I obsess: “Am I in denial?” “Is this ROCD, or is it just the truth?” “Should I break up? Should I stay?” “Am I wasting both our lives by not ending it?” “Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I be normal again?” I feel so guilty because I’m not treating him with love anymore. Sometimes I’m rude, cold, distant — and it kills me, because that’s not the kind of partner I want to be. I’m scared I’m ruining him and myself. What makes it worse is that I remember how things used to be — how safe I felt, how excited I was, how much I wanted him. But now, those memories feel so distant, like they happened to someone else. I feel disconnected from who I used to be, from him, and from myself. I keep thinking, “You’re only 18, you should be enjoying life, not crying every day over this.” I feel like I’m wasting my youth, my joy, my energy — but at the same time, I can’t leave. Because a part of me still wants to be with him. A part of me wants to want him again. But right now, I just feel broken and terrified and unsure of who I even am anymore. I’ve tried to talk to people close to me, but most don’t understand. Some get angry or say I’m overthinking. Others say “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” But it doesn’t feel that simple. Because if I didn’t care… I wouldn’t be this afraid. If I didn’t love him at all… I wouldn’t be this devastated by the idea of losing him. But what do you do when you want to love, and you can’t feel it? When your brain is screaming “THIS ISN’T RIGHT!” and your heart is too quiet to answer? Please… if anyone has been through this — if anyone has healed or has advice — I need to hear it. I want to be a kind partner again. I want to feel safe and clear again. I want to stop this spiral that’s been eating me alive. What helped you? What did you do when it felt so real and so final? How did you get through the days when all you felt was guilt and doubt and dread? Thank you for reading this. Even writing it helps me breathe a little. Please, if you’ve felt this way before… tell me how you kept going. 💔
- Date posted
- 6w
Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.
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