- Username
- Little graviton
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You can talk to me i will listen
Thanks ?
@Little graviton Your welcome my friend we are here to talk and help each other so don't think you are alone
@saj When i am alright, i really don’t even think of suicide, death and such stuff. But when my ocd suddenly comes out, i just keep thinking about killing myself and I cannot control this. It just comes to my mind and makes me kinda scared of myself?
@Little graviton How old are you?
@saj 19
@Little graviton I wnat to tell you something I'm 22 and when i was 19 i was like you and even wrose my ocd start when i was 13 and in this duration i found out i can do some experment to learn how can i solve this problems when i was 19 everyday i had a situation that i want to finish my life day by day goes and i felt terrible with feeling that much problems but all of them will solve if you focus on each and solve it one by one
@saj The good thing is simplifying motivate you to look at your problem easily to solve it step by step we are here to help each other so you can explain your problem one by one and focus on each part to finding or suggest best solution for that
We are here cheer up
When i read your post i feel i wrote this post because it's like my inner sound
Thanks for understanding
@Little graviton Count on us we listen to you and we are your friends with similar problem.
Thank you for sharing. You are not alone and this platform is a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings, fears and whatever else. Dreams and good stuff too. The reality is that OCD is tough and everyone who has it knows it and those that don't cannot know. You are strong. You shared and that's great. Keep doing that as people on here will listen and respond. As said above, OCD is tough but although a LOT of the time it can feel relentless, unforgiving, unmanageable among other things, with the right understanding and techniques it can be managed. Not fixed or cured, but managed. That is hard to accept for some, including myself, but it needs to be accepted for recovery to work and it's not a quick fix. Can I ask if you have had specific plans for the suicidal thoughts? Secondly, can I ask if you are currently taking any sort of medication? Thanks for sharing
Thanks for your respond? I don’t use medications because i told my therapist I don’t want to. She is helping me with CBT homework. So that’s the method i am following rn.
@Little graviton But actually I’m getting tired of cbt
@Little graviton I didn’t understand your question about suicidal thoughts
Ok well try to ask your therapist if that's the plan because that needs to be part of the treatment after the CBT. Read up about it online if you're interested. The OCD foundation has some sources on it. We can educate ourselves about our disorder and become masters at managing it, you'll be okay :) As for the medication, I was the same as you before about meds but I decided that it would help me in the short term to focus on the essentials which is the CBT and ERP, along with ACT (acceptance). Ask yourself what the reasons are for not wanting to take the medication even for a short time and then see if you would say the same thing to someone with diabetes who didn't want to take their medication for their condition
Thanks a lot for your help :)) ?
I am here for you ?
Thank you Eden ?
The CBT work is essential along with ERP. Are you doing ERP, like exposures?
No.. I don’t think so
Anytime:)
That’s it. I can’t afford therapy. I’m not gonna burden the few loved ones I have with the insanity that is my mental case. I know people will freak out, wanna put me in the mental hospital. I’ve heard it all people calling me insane because I tell the truth about what’s going on with me. I do these random things online to strangers because it’s easier to confess to faceless people but strangers can’t do much can they? Most the time nobody reads anything and a lot of the time I don’t even really want them to. I just feel so alone. My girlfriend doesn’t talk to me anymore and my sister is still a minor I’m not gonna tell her shit. Maybe I should be in the mental hospital but that shit doesn’t help it never has.
I didn't even realize. I'm about to get my period and my anxiety is higher. I'm noticing how my friend hasn't written back to my texts or hasn't answered the last 3 times I called. I think he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I wrote a text and asked if I did something wrong and he didn't respond. My other friend annoyed me. And I think my other friend doesn't like me that much. I feel abandoned and forgotten and like I must be a bad friend or bad person or why would they all forget me like this. What did I do? Did I take my opinions too far? I've been picking at my skin, having a feeling of unrest. I just watch Netflix and lie on my couch to avoid it. I look okay, but I haven't worked in a year purposefully to find a new way, but I haven't found it yet. I'm doing so much, but it always feels like too little. I tell myself again and again that I'm doing enough, but there's always a voice that says no you're lazy, you're unhealthy and you're just making excuses. I hyperfixate on stupid solutions like blood tests, supplements, genetic testing to explain my symptoms my depression (or is it laziness) my anxiety, my lack of energy, my aches and pains. I quit all drugs and alcohol even caffeine. I track my sleep. I want to feel good. And believe it or not I was thinking I did feel good? Until the afternoon. I don't know. I really hope this is just some fucking b vitamin deficiency and I'll take some pills and be reborn as a human and not a trash pile. Look at me all perfect. With all my career, and my money, and friends who don't like me. Don't I look put together. I'm so imperfect and so scared of anyone finding out. I'm so scared to tell anyone how messed up I am on the inside. I rant to my therapist, my coaches, whoever but I'm just going around in circles. Without support I'd be fucking nuts. Thankfully I pay people to support me. Because no one would for free. Fuck my.life.
I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?
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