- Username
- drnemer
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@foxbon88 @drnemer Hey guys, Thank you both for sharing your stories, Id like to share mine with you in hope it helps. I started dating my ex-girlfriend Summer 2012. met through a mutual friend in highschool. For about a year, we both fell into that “Addictive Love”. We both came from damaged childhoods, which culminated a obessive relationship. Because of unresovled issues from childhood abuse, I became jealous, manipulative and controlling, bordering on abusive behaviours. She then was kicked out of her house by her mentally abusive parents. And because of ny manipulative behaviours. she ended up living with my family after a year of dating. We did the whole “we are going to spend the rest of our life together” thing. we became co dependent and emotionally emeshed. For the first 3 or so years of our relationship, everything was “perfect”. But it in fact was a controlling, manipulative and toxic relationship. She was there for me during my ups and downs. But that 3rd year of dating, I became aware of issues plaguing the relationship, we began to grow apart. She physically and emotionally began to distance herself. I grasped on in desperation, As I feared abandonment. She went through a medical issues that stressed both of us out, and the developed OCD herself. Which strained the relationship further. I did my best to hold on to the relationship, but both of our mental health issues and struggles with ocd complicated things. Other life struggles only worsed our situation. We hung on for another 3 years. During that time we established a new friendship group, in which I grew close to one of our mutual female friends. And april 2019, this female mutal friend of ours expressed her feelings for me. We grew very close, and I eneded up emotionally cheating on my ex with this girl. May 2019, feeling guitly, My ex and I broke up. She still didnt know what happened. But we got along great as friends from June 2019-August 2019, until I told her what was going on between me and this other girl the whole time. She was destroyed, so was I. And this only made my OCD struggle worse. The other girl ghosted me, because she couldnt wait to be physical with me. And ended up dating her coworker and ghosting everyone. And from September 2019- now has been a very scary and dark place. My ex still lives with my family and me, and we get along pretty well. But I guess what I was trying to say, is sometimes things dont work out, even if you love someone with all your heart. I love my ex, maybe more than anyone. But out relationship just fell apart because we rushed it, and it was founded on abandonment issues and insecurities. Her and I both suffered for almost 7 years because we were afraid to be alone and rejected. Dont fall into that unhealthy relationship.
Thank you for sharing your story. My current gf has totally flipped the script. She is very passive aggressive and distant. And defensive. Probably cause I told her that maybe I won’t want to move in with her in September. Reality is... it is too soon for me. It is all too much. And I hope you don’t find this harsh but I worry of being stuck with her I think she is gorgeous. I think she is funny. I love that she thinks high of me. But that is it. And I am afraid of being alone. Her family has a lot of issues. Dark issues. The type of family that steals from you. The type of parents that do very horrible things to kids and to spouses. It is a lot. So much to help support her. But I am terrible in asking for support I need. My ROCD comes with the doubts and fear of ruining my life and having to deal with any of the stress and drama in her life. It is just so much and I feel like so stressed out. I know I am losing her. I know I should break it off. I just sick because it is always this same pattern and cycle with my relationships and now I just feel broken. 5 relationships in 3 years. All of them codependent, broken, and nearly gave me nervous breakdowns.
listen. similar things used to happen to me. it was awful man let me to tell you. just understand that you are with the person that you are with for a reason. whatever it may be. you decided to be with them. loving someone is a choice. it’s work. it’s not easy all the time. if you really care and so does ur partner chances are things will work out. trust me. i have ocd to a pretty good extent. especially rocd. it’s a very tough thing. try to focus on times that are good. times where you can stop and thing “hey everything feels good right now”. and remember that time for when you are stressing and say to yourself okay everything was fine then i’m just stressed now. it works i’m telling you. i wished i discovered this app when i first dealt with ocd. it really helped me. i thought i was alone. and the only one doing this. i love my partner to death and would do anything for her but it’s not all easy. even someone without ocd will tell you that. just keep ur head up and i’m here to talk if you need.
It is soo tough. And I don’t know if my comment below properly replied to you. I feel like I am just having a nervous breakdown cause I have no control and I am just making her life miserable cause I can’t keep it together and there is so much doubt as to whether we have enough shared values to stay together. We moved too fast and that has ruined everything.
Your girlfriend appears to being struggling with her own traumas in regards to her family. And it is very compassionate of you to be there and support her. I dont think you are being harsh. I have a similar understanding of how you must feel. It is important that you acknowledge your feelings and needs. I understand the cycle you are refering to. Here are some things to consider: Have you talked to her about how you truly feel? Do you have any issues/trauma from your past that would make you fear abandonment? Are you avoiding conflict with her? have you considered couples counselling to help make a decision on what to do with the relationship? Have you gone to counselling for ocd, especially this issue? Are you asking how she truly feels about the relationship? I would just recommened communicating with her about all of this, and just let her know exactly how you feel about her and the relationship.
Thank you. I really appreciate it. In my situation. I know that my ROCD moved this short relationship wayyy too fast. We dated less than three months and were talking about moving in together in a year and saying I love you and planning our futures. But eventually I realized, I just made these promises when I was in my “high” of being in love. We spent too much time together. I became too obsessed with caring with her and I worn myself down. When I got all worn down, I started freaking out. I lost my patience time and time again. I am afraid of being alone but I am also afraid of her. I feel like I got so lost in this relationship that I lost sight of myself. But I don’t feel like she and I can rewind the clock. I am constantly anxious around her. I still have my lust for her. But at same time, I am a such a huge mess.
I no longer get reactions to testing my feelings… Right now I am just sitting here thinking have I ever been truly happy with him? Do I actually just wanna break up?… I am sitting here believing I don’t love him romantically anymore thinking I am only with him to avoid hurting him… that deep down I know I don’t love him anymore… that I don’t wanna admit it.. that’s all I am thinking about… I am worried I don’t love him enough to move forward with him… 💔😢 I love him a lot I really do and just sitting with theses feelings are difficult enough. It’s affecting my work performance since I always walk off and hide. To read about ROCD. I even had my hours cut short so I don’t have to be there long like this. But I think I just hate my job to be honest… it’s burning me out… so I think I need a new one… I just don’t know what to do… I don’t wanna break up with him but then this thought comes in and makes me think I am with him for the wrong reasons. Can’t have sex as much as I would want to bc then I think I am not attracted to him enough… I still touch him but then I stop… My 12 year relationship is gonna die… how can I sit here and let this feeling pass…
My bf and I of one month spend a lot of time together. but recently I feel relieved when he’s gone and prefer to be alone. The love I show him feels forced. I hate feeling this I don’t want to. He reassures me that it’s just OCD and I do love him and then I feel better and in love but then it happens again. I’m scared deep down I am losing feelings but am in denial. He’s such a great guy I don’t wanna feel this. But I feel like I want to push him away or do my own thing a lot of times and I HATE IT!! I’m so sad and frustrated. Can OCD cause this? Or should I break it off ):
I got into a relationship (fairly quickly but were both happy and if it doesnt work we can obviously just stop) but its been giving me MAJOR anxiety My friends keep telling me i should have gone to therapy and fixed this fear of relationships beforehand but I feel like if I do that with everything ill be forever in therapy coz of how much OCD changes. Its something new and scary so ocd has stepped in exept my ‘intrusive thought’ is the anxiety itself, im scared of the horrible feeling of feeling scared and sick I was sick last night from anxiety, which hasnt happened in a LONG time, and now im scared ive slipped back again, but this time instead of having a thought to disregard, how do i disregard the literal worst feeling ever? Its so horrid and makes me feel so sick, how do i just get on with that? I know i have to or it will keep happening hence the ocd cycle Is staying put in my relationship good? Because im scared of it, or should i leave?? I don’t want to but I don’t want this ocd either but i do love him a lot im just such a confused mess
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