I am feeling super depressed. My new happy romantic relationship turnt so sour and anxiety provoking. I am afraid to break up because I am afraid to lose the happiness and love I thought I had. They say it is bad if you don’t love the person, and you just love the idea of being with that person. It is very bad. And it is very hard for me. Valentine’s Day this week, and I feel absolutely miserable. I feel like I am letting her down because I can’t hold myself together anymore. And I don’t feel confident in our future. I am scared to confront her and break it off. Every time I do, I cave in to the lust and to the fear of being alone and failing again at love

@foxbon88 @drnemer Hey guys, Thank you both for sharing your stories, Id like to share mine with you in hope it helps. I started dating my ex-girlfriend Summer 2012. met through a mutual friend in highschool. For about a year, we both fell into that “Addictive Love”. We both came from damaged childhoods, which culminated a obessive relationship. Because of unresovled issues from childhood abuse, I became jealous, manipulative and controlling, bordering on abusive behaviours. She then was kicked out of her house by her mentally abusive parents. And because of ny manipulative behaviours. she ended up living with my family after a year of dating. We did the whole “we are going to spend the rest of our life together” thing. we became co dependent and emotionally emeshed. For the first 3 or so years of our relationship, everything was “perfect”. But it in fact was a controlling, manipulative and toxic relationship. She was there for me during my ups and downs. But that 3rd year of dating, I became aware of issues plaguing the relationship, we began to grow apart. She physically and emotionally began to distance herself. I grasped on in desperation, As I feared abandonment. She went through a medical issues that stressed both of us out, and the developed OCD herself. Which strained the relationship further. I did my best to hold on to the relationship, but both of our mental health issues and struggles with ocd complicated things. Other life struggles only worsed our situation. We hung on for another 3 years. During that time we established a new friendship group, in which I grew close to one of our mutual female friends. And april 2019, this female mutal friend of ours expressed her feelings for me. We grew very close, and I eneded up emotionally cheating on my ex with this girl. May 2019, feeling guitly, My ex and I broke up. She still didnt know what happened. But we got along great as friends from June 2019-August 2019, until I told her what was going on between me and this other girl the whole time. She was destroyed, so was I. And this only made my OCD struggle worse. The other girl ghosted me, because she couldnt wait to be physical with me. And ended up dating her coworker and ghosting everyone. And from September 2019- now has been a very scary and dark place. My ex still lives with my family and me, and we get along pretty well. But I guess what I was trying to say, is sometimes things dont work out, even if you love someone with all your heart. I love my ex, maybe more than anyone. But out relationship just fell apart because we rushed it, and it was founded on abandonment issues and insecurities. Her and I both suffered for almost 7 years because we were afraid to be alone and rejected. Dont fall into that unhealthy relationship.

listen. similar things used to happen to me. it was awful man let me to tell you. just understand that you are with the person that you are with for a reason. whatever it may be. you decided to be with them. loving someone is a choice. it’s work. it’s not easy all the time. if you really care and so does ur partner chances are things will work out. trust me. i have ocd to a pretty good extent. especially rocd. it’s a very tough thing. try to focus on times that are good. times where you can stop and thing “hey everything feels good right now”. and remember that time for when you are stressing and say to yourself okay everything was fine then i’m just stressed now. it works i’m telling you. i wished i discovered this app when i first dealt with ocd. it really helped me. i thought i was alone. and the only one doing this. i love my partner to death and would do anything for her but it’s not all easy. even someone without ocd will tell you that. just keep ur head up and i’m here to talk if you need.

Your girlfriend appears to being struggling with her own traumas in regards to her family. And it is very compassionate of you to be there and support her. I dont think you are being harsh. I have a similar understanding of how you must feel. It is important that you acknowledge your feelings and needs. I understand the cycle you are refering to. Here are some things to consider: Have you talked to her about how you truly feel? Do you have any issues/trauma from your past that would make you fear abandonment? Are you avoiding conflict with her? have you considered couples counselling to help make a decision on what to do with the relationship? Have you gone to counselling for ocd, especially this issue? Are you asking how she truly feels about the relationship? I would just recommened communicating with her about all of this, and just let her know exactly how you feel about her and the relationship.

Thank you. I really appreciate it. In my situation. I know that my ROCD moved this short relationship wayyy too fast. We dated less than three months and were talking about moving in together in a year and saying I love you and planning our futures. But eventually I realized, I just made these promises when I was in my “high” of being in love. We spent too much time together. I became too obsessed with caring with her and I worn myself down. When I got all worn down, I started freaking out. I lost my patience time and time again. I am afraid of being alone but I am also afraid of her. I feel like I got so lost in this relationship that I lost sight of myself. But I don’t feel like she and I can rewind the clock. I am constantly anxious around her. I still have my lust for her. But at same time, I am a such a huge mess.