Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Advice for a POCD sufferer? I know I would never harm a child in any way. The thought of being capable of doing that disgusts me. Am I asking for reassurance? Probably. But you know what, I need it and I’m being honest about it :( this “uncertainty” thing is very weird for me especially bc it’s POCD . I just want the thoughts to stop

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I think it’s hard to “accept” the thoughts because (for me, personally) that makes it feel like you’re accepting being a predator. That’s something that has made me very s**cidal in the past. I understand how you feel, in fact I struggle with this on a daily basis, even today so much so that I will hit myself to distract myself from a disturbing thought. (I don’t recommend that tbh, it’s probably not healthy) When I have a better wrap on my mental health and a thought like that crosses my mind I do not even think about it at all. I treat my mind like an etch a sketch and shake it away as soon as it pops in. When you invest in the thought it feels more real, and more deliberate. When I am not doing as well mental health wise I struggle to not feel upset, and if I do feel upset of course my first instinct is to immediately stop that, I’ll repeat certain words, talk out loud randomly to drown or distract the thought, sometimes hit myself or pinch myself. It’s a horrible thing to experience because it really feels demoralizing but just remember those thoughts ARENT you. If they were you wouldn’t be turned inside out about them, this is a real subcategory of OCD, you aren’t making it up. My best advice as someone who’s been normally functioning with this and also deeply s**cidal about it is if you can help it do that think even a second further about the thought. It enters your mind and you etch a sketch dissolve it right away and promptly do something afterwards that makes you feel like you. Listen to your favourite song, text a friend, make your favourite snack etc. You got this ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you ? I have a question. What are your thoughts on “uncertainty” for POCD? It quite honestly scares me and makes me feel worst

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@? Do you mean uncertainty of whether or not you will act on thoughts or whether or not the thoughts are a true representation of yourself

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Harper I think both

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I know it’s awful, I have the worst accusatory voice in my head any time I’m anywhere near a child or look at one and I start questioning why I looked at them. So I try to act like they don’t exist and I feel like that makes it worse, it feels like I’m trying to be in denial. It doesn’t even make any sense. I’ve never harmed a kid, wouldn’t get anything out of it and really I KNOW I’m never going to. It’s the loop of questioning myself and my memories and the stigma which is really causing the trouble in my mind I think. And it’s disgusting because I feel like I have to think about it vividly so I can check that I definitely still don’t like it, or watch documentaries or Hanson vs predator just to try to “check” and make sure, but it just makes the stigma part feel worse which makes it all worse. I’ve had it about other intrusive sexual stuff I shouldn’t have which makes me spiral the same way. Idk if I have much advice to give other than resisting the thinking about it and ‘checking’. I have other OCDs and once I move onto one of them, the sexual ones seem unimportant and unrealistic. So that’s the gauge I try to go by. Remember how you felt in the times when you have felt/known that it’s not true and is kinda cray.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Wow I seriously needed this. We’ve both gone through very similar through-processes and feelings! Thank you for responding

seemeinacrown

Date posted: 5y

This experience sounds very familiar, and also the checking methods similer too

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@seemeinacrown Yeah I think people shy away from talking about their checking methods because it feels so dirty and shameful and makes you question yourself even more like why the hell would I imagine that or want to see or hear about any of that and feeling like you would be judged or misunderstood. Even if you know it’s because you have the need to check, because then a bit of you is still constantly like “is that really why though?”. It’s this horrible loop of torture-shame :(

Ginger77

Date posted: 5y

Accepting the uncertainty is the only way to get better.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

But what exactly is uncertainty in regards to POCD

Ginger77

Date posted: 5y

@? what do you mean

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Ginger77 For POCD, what does uncertainty look like

Ginger77

Date posted: 5y

@? You will have to deal with the uncertainty of not knowing.

Ginger77

Date posted: 5y

@? for example I don't know what's going to happen tommarow, but I can't just sit and ruminate in the thoughts of something bad maybe happening.

seemeinacrown

Date posted: 5y

@? I'm not exactly sure what u mean here? Can u explain a little more. About your thought process is? Just so we can help a bit better

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@seemeinacrown Does uncertainty for POCD mean uncertainty of actually being a p********? Or uncertainty of something else?

kleigh21

Date posted: 5y

You have to accept the thoughts. And get used to them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

What about “uncertainty”

seemeinacrown

Date posted: 5y

What else would you be uncertain of? Generally speaking it's about aether or not you are or aren't, but it can manifest in other things to do with that. Man I wish there was a PM, although I get why there isn't, I can tell you wanna say something but don't feel comfortable to in the forum, just remember you are in a safe place here.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I don’t feel comfortable with the thought of being a p*. I don’t understand uncertainty when it comes to POCD so I need clarification. If it means being uncertain of whether or not I’m a p*, then that’s very disturbing to me. I know I would never do anything like that. I don’t support those acts. I don’t stand with it. I just want the thoughts to stop :(

Countrybreak...

Date posted: 5y

@? Its okay my friend i promise. The best thing my therapist told me was to accept these thoughts as a symptom of the ocd. That these intrusive thoughts and unwanted symptoms are because of the ocd, not you my friend

Countrybreak...

Date posted: 5y

@? I do think there needs to be a more clarified explanation of “accpeting uncertaintly” because it doesnt mean you have to accept that you may or may not be that person. It means you accept that ocd is a bully and that it will make you feel uncertain, I promise it wont always be like this my friend. You’re doing great

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@ahhhhhhmybrain Thank you for responding ? I truly appreciate your input. This helped me understand more

1231234

Date posted: 24w

Tips for someone starting out with Therapy?

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

happygirl15

Date posted: 24w

POCD/ Intrusive thoughts & Images

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

POCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

my POCD has won and I’m a horrible human being

*PLEASE READ* *any help appreciated* So I work with kids and it’s a lightning rod for triggering my POCD. I work with a mental health org that supports kids with autism and other intellectual development disorders. And so I’ve grown really close with one kid since I started since I was his first ever staff and he was the first ever kid I worked with. I’ve grown really protective of him and we’ve become really close and our relationship truly means the world to me. But before I get into my little incident, I have to provide context: so I am hypersexual and struggle with compulsive masturbation and my urges are almost uncontrollable sometimes. I have a lot of trauma from foot fetish stuff/pornography as a kid and it’s carried on into my adult life unfortunately. And so as I was waking up my kid and trying to get him out of bed to get him into the shower (I usually give him a few extra minutes but if he’s uncooperative I have to pull him out of bed gently) and so I just shift him by his legs bc it’s easiest. And my urges and thoughts have been so bad lately and when he wasn’t cooperating, as I was shifting his legs today, his foot touched my private area and I carried on normally but now I feel like a monster and everything I fear. I need some advice bc I’m scared to even talk to my therapist about this bc I think I will go to jail. I don’t want to be like this and I hate POCD so much and I rlly care so much for this kid and would actually die for him to protect him. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy bc idk if that contact between us was intentional or not and I have not spiraled like this for so long. I truly am losing my mind and want to give up bc I know I am not the person my POCD tells me I am but now I feel like I am everything it calls me. I feel so ashamed and repulsed and disgusted in myself and wish I didn’t exist. I feel like I’ve exploited my kid and taken advantage of him and that I don’t deserve to have him in my life and that I don’t even deserve to life and would be better off in jail or dead. im so broken and I’m sorry if what im saying is confusing

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