- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Sure :) It’s kinda hard to describe. I get intrusive thoughts that say “you are trans” “you hate your body” “you’d be much happier as a guy/nonbinary” “you hate being a girl” “here are fifty million things in your past that proves it, even though you didn’t used to give any meaning to any of those things”. This leads me to checking how I feel constantly, having to ask an answer “am I trans?” questions until I’m blue in the face, arguing with the thoughts, avoiding feminine and masculine things, being hyper aware of my body and what I wear, checking and analyzing how I feel about pronouns, trying to avoid feeling “masculine” emotions and trying to force myself to “feel” feminine (as determined by OCD.) It’s really exhausting and it makes me feel disconnected from everything and it’s just all around terrible!
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@ghostly I just had a relapse with this
- Date posted
- 1y ago
@ghostly Also the hyperawareness of the chest!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
TOCD, from what I understand, is distinct from actual gender dysphoria in that being trans/another gender scares a person with TOCD. It is a threat to an already existing identity. Gender dysphoria, from what I understand, is kind of the opposite. I feel like I have slowly been losing my identity through this and it is quite honestly devastating. For a trans person, they are discovering and embracing their identity and it is liberating.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Ya that’s exactly how it feels like there’s this fear which shows me that it is the ocd and I know it is but the freaking doubt is so so scary and I can’t handle it soemtimes. Does anyone have any tips
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Sure, it’s no problem. :) I would say it feels like a hassle to put it lightly. Yes, I think there are doubts, as that is the nature of OCD (it is often called doubting disorder after all). As for if I feel comfortable, that’s tricky to answer. Before TOCD showed up I would have said yes, I feel comfortable in my body and with my gender. I was proud of it, even. Loved it. But honestly TOCD has been going on for so long I really can’t tell anymore. I could when it first started but it has honestly progressed. Part of it is that I am hyper aware of my body. Being hyper aware of anything will make it uncomfortable. Another part is that I am trying, as a compulsion, to feel comfortable in it/to feel like a woman. Trying is essentially forcing it, which won’t make it feel natural, and it’s also compulsive, so that just makes me feel worse. All of that also makes me feel disassociated, which of fuels the TOCD as well.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi I know this is an old post, but I relate to every word you say so much. My trans ocd symptoms have appeared in the exact same way and it's honestly been horrible. I had this a little bit when my main theme was sexual orientation, and once I got over that theme, trans ocd started getting worse and worse and now it's like my main theme. How are you doing now? Do you still experience this theme? Do you still get triggered?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Whatabtme hahaha i’m in the same boat. this theme has been on and off for a while and recently got bad so i’m looking for reassurance in this app. ugh.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Keep Fighting! You are strong!! :) I know it might not feel like it but you are.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i ruminate through my mind and my past, i look in the mirror and determine if i feel like a woman. i pick my nails, my skin
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@madaraa Same
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thanks everyone. @Anxiousashley It’s kinda like HOCD but instead of being afraid that you’re gay (or straight) you’re afraid you’re trans (or not). I’m afraid I’m trans.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Of course! And thank you. :) Best of luck to you and your OCD battle as well.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
hey @ghostly! what kind of exposures do you do for tocd? i have it too for 2 years and i wanted to ask :)
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Same.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What is TOCD?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I mean OCD in general makes me depressed. I’m not sure what kind of OCD that is.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@ghostly I have the same problem, how do you feel today, are that intrusive thoughts disappeared? Is it better?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Hey @Kooan, I’m doing alright. It is a bit better though I’m backsliding because I haven’t been doing ERP and I have been giving into compulsions. But I am better than I was.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
two yeras? respect :)
- Date posted
- 5y ago
thanks lol
- Date posted
- 5y ago
i have the same problem, and i dont know what to do anymore, which compulsions you have?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
How do you feel now?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have this same theme! Been struggling with it since August 2018 and went to a ocd specialist for 3-4 months in fall '19
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I'm so tired 😭 I've been dealing with severe trans ocd for a month. My ocd is making me worry I'm a trans man. The thing is. I'm already out as nonbinary. I also compulsively confessed to my mom and told her I'm anxious I'll realize I'm a trans man and that I'm scared she'll hate me/abandon me. And she told me she would support me through it and my life even if she didn't understand it and that she wouldn't abandon me. I do like some masculine terms and I like he pronouns, I prefer they/them though. And I don't mind she, but I dont let people use it because I know they'll use it to misgender me. and that doesnt mean im a man. But I also don't know what I actually like/feel or what's OCD making me think I like/feel.. I can't stop ruminating and feeling like I need to label my gender pass nonbinary and think about if I feel like a man or not. So even when my biggest fear was denied I'm still anxious.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
This is so extremely difficult, i’ve never experienced having thoughts of being a different gender. i’ve always been comfortable being a girl. i’ve always been a girly girl. this all started a couple months ago and it’s increasingly getting worse. i’ve had times where i didn’t like my body but i always thought i could just go to the gym and fix it, never did i think i wanted to be a man. ever since these thoughts started i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate looking at my body, i’m aware of my breasts all day everyday, i can’t look at pictures/ videos of myself. from the moment i wake up to the second i go to sleep i have these thoughts. i’m in a panic EVERYDAY. i don’t want to be trans but my thoughts are convincing me i do. i’ve never bat an eye when someone calls me a girl but now it’s like i’m aware of it which i hate. i hate that i’m having these thoughts & it’s convincing me that i want them & that i have to just come out and change. i want to be able to go back to being comfortable as a girl. this has left me feeling so hopeless and depressed, i can’t help but cry every day. has anyone else felt like their whole world was turned upside down?
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