- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
And just to be totally clear so that you don't get stuck on the perspective that was in your post: you are not using your mental health as an excuse for unconscious racism coming out. The racist thoughts are no more an unconscious truth about you than the thoughts of people with pedophilia OCD. You've been working on your awareness of race and of spotting when you have a racist belief etc and that's great. But that stuff is absolutely not connected to the OCD you're having. The thoughts aren't coming from a racist part of you, they're coming from OCD, even though it feels like you're coming up with them. I have had racist intrusive thoughts before, in particular at times when I am annoyed with someone who is a minority and while I go "oops, that's really not a socially acceptable thought to have at ALL", I know that my actions are much more important and so I let it go instead of judging myself on it, which wouldn't get me anywhere. I separately continue to be aware and open to noticing racism in myself and listening if it's pointed out by someone else, so I can look at the beliefs and unbox them. But your intrusive thoughts and mine don't come from beliefs, they come from OCD. They're a different thing. If I have a thought which I actually agree with and then I think or am told that "hang on, does that have a tinge of racism/is it based on a racist belief?", that's the time to unpack that stuff. Having an intrusive thought that you know is wrong and would rather not have, doesn't need unpacking. It's an intrusive thought. They pop up and it feels like it's us, but you know you disagree with the thought, so it's an intrusive thought. Also: don't get meta. Don't go down these dark holes that people get in about "maybe I had the thought because I did unconsciously want it/like it/agree with it?". That's not how that works. If you know that you disagree with the thought, you're all good.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well I obviously disagree with Kronk, but also kind of disagree with what you said too. In society we are raised to accept a racist status quo and with a lot of unconscious accepted ideas about race due to lack of representation, negative representation and long-standing stereotypes which are normalised, plus racist policies and structures. It's not "white people are innately racist", it's that all people are raised in a culture steeped in racism that people feel uncomfortable acknowledging. In any case I don't think your intrusive thoughts are happening because of some "innate" reason, they're happening because it's an anxiety provoking topic for anyone in your position and OCD loves to latch onto our shame and fears. It seems reasonable to tell your partner that you have OCD and once they are educated about that, to share that yours is focusing on racist stuff. But I say that with the following caveats: OCD can have a major feature of confession compulsions and feeling that whatever you keep private, you are keeping "secret"- this means that you need to first come to terms with the fact that you have the right to privacy including in a relationship, and it means that it is NOT carte blanche to tell your partner detail in your thoughts whenever you have a compulsion to. Over sharing will not get you anywhere: it will likely make them feel unsafe, it will make them feel frustrated that you won't quit confessing thoughts if you continue when they've asked you not to, and you will only worsen your OCD by seeking that self-reassurance of your moral goodness by confessing. The best way to deal with this is to not do what the moralising urges tell you to do. If this is something you would like to share as part of transparency within the relationship, the appropriate way to do so is gradually, with attentiveness to their comfort level, and to actually only share at times when you are NOT experiencing guilt and confession compulsions.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
appreciate this!!! thank you
- Date posted
- 5y ago
to clarify, we’ve known each other for a few months now, but we took a break bc of mental health issues and are at a point where we discuss most things openly
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I would encourage talking with your therapist. I don't think you're correct in your thinking about white people though, I think that kind of thinking only furthers the issue, because having white skin doesn't make you innately racist, in fact, that thinking in itself is textbook racism! ? So I'd say just talk with your therapist, since harm OCD and taboo OCD can be very difficult to overcome, and your mind will thank you for going with a professional on this!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
#nosuchthingasreverseracism
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Louw Well of course, that's just racism itself! ??
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Kronk Racism is systemic. So no.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Louw ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Kronk ??♀️ not my job to educate ya
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Exactly, intrusive
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?
- Date posted
- 15w ago
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
- Date posted
- 13w ago
I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
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