- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Soph, are you sure that information is true? I know that telling yourself " i have hocd therefore i'm not gay" is a compulsion, but the fact of the matter is usually people suffering from SOOCD (sexual orientation ocd) remain in the same sexual orientation they always believed themselves to be before the obsession hit, they just accept that a symptom of having soocd is doubting that and possibly having groinal responses and to prevent anxiety from taking over they'll retort to ther thoughts "yeah, well maybe you DO make me gay and what's wrong with that?" Now that doesn't mean that they consider themselves to be gay, that just means that they have embraced the fact that ultimately human sexuality is complicated and you choose to make it what you desire. If you are a woman who wants to be with men and you want to be straight, well then, you are. No amount of symptoms can take that away from you, but you have to learn how to live in uncertainty because the fact is, our minds work differently and will always try to get us down with doubts, distorted trips down memory lane, groinal responses, intrusive thoughts and urges, etc. And the only way we stop these thoughts from taking over our lives is by recognizing they exist and letting them happen, not giving them the power they so desire by not feeding into fear. So if a groinal impulse comes along when you see someone of the same sex, it's not about freaking out and thinking "OMG IS THIS PROOF I'M GAY?" but rather saying " i'm straight, but you know what, if you're trying to tell me i'm gay then that's cool too." Now, this doesn't mean you turn gay now - it just means you don't give the ocd the fear that it so craves to come back every time. It happens for homosexuals as well but with people of the opposite sex, and ultimately they decide to follow their truest feeling and remain gay and understand that their brain is ultimately trying to perpetuate the cycle of anxiety and they simply acknowledge that and move on.
- Date posted
- 5y
Like it feels deep down im bi or leabain or pan
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m not sure where you’re finding these examples, but they are the exception, not the rule. The data collected by OCD Specialists show that people with HOCD that recover typically are able to accept the uncertainty and ambiguity of sexual orientation while continuing to live and identify as they did before this particular OCD theme. Is there someone out there who has “discovered” they were gay eventually? Maybe. But that has nothing to do with you. This would actually be a GREAT script topic for you for ERP. Write out a story where you recover and later discover/accept that you’re bi/gay. Read it 10 times a day for the next 2 weeks and see how you feel about all of this then.
- Date posted
- 5y
Omg i feel like this is me
- Date posted
- 5y
Like ive done so manu things that would make me bi or lesbain
- Date posted
- 5y
This is my biggest fear.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 11w
Im a straight man and sometimes I make the mistake of compulsively getting on here. It’s gotten better but I slip sometimes. I feel like I’m alone in this and I even read on some OCD page that Women are more likely to suffer from this theme than Men. That just makes me feel like I’m in denial of some sort. I feel alone and feel like my intrusive thoughts are different. I know that’s what everyone who has ocd thinks, but I can’t help shake the feeling like what if I’m lying to myself or what if I have some underlying secret. I don’t want to be gay. I find I argue with myself in my head over and over and sometimes by repeating “I don’t want to be gay, I want to be straight” I’ll end up saying the opposite and that would scare me even though I know that It happened because I’m constantly fighting with OCD. Just feeling a bit down today. I had a sexual dream about an ex girlfriend and it felt great and I’m not scared by it. I find and want to be with Women romantically til forever.
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