Hi guys, Firstly, before I share what troubles me, I would like to thank you for all your support and kind help. It is very much appreciated! Also, I would like to add that I feel really disgusted with what I'm about to share, and I apologise beforehand if my words will hurt anyone, I really don't mean it. I don't know if this Is OCD but here goes: For the last few days I have felt ignored by my boyfriend (I'm sure he didn't ignore but that's how it felt to me). It made me feel down and weird. I know he loves me but the feelings (of being ignored) were real and quite overwhelming). That's when I started to get thoughts of wanting to punish him for ignoring him. (I know, I have no limits!) The thoughts were not the only thing I experienced. I also got the troubling and worrying feeling of actually wanting to carry out the action (of punishment). In addition, the feeling almost came like a desire. It felt, and still feesl, like it would feel/be nice/satisfying to hurt my boyfriend. To make everything worse, the thoughts and feelings don't seem intrusive at all. I feel absolutely terrible. I saw him today at work (we work at the same place) and he was really sweet and nice to me. And all I wanted was to scream because I felt like an imposter. This is probably even worse than my POCD. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm really sorry. Can anyone help me with this, please? I really feel like I'm becoming a monster because it feels that I like the thoughts and feelings I get, and also because they are not intrusive. I'm really sorry again!

ahrosen

Date posted: 5y

Don’t apologize for something happening inside your brain that you can’t yet control! It’s such a hard thing to have these unwanted feelings and not be able to stop them. But don’t apologize for it! It’s the OCD making you feel like it’s your fault, but it’s not. Have you thought about trying to talk to a therapist or someone about these feelings? It’s helped me to talk them out to be able to sort through what I really feel versus what the OCD is telling me to feel.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you x

Where’sMySer...

Date posted: 5y

I think sometimes we get so used to having intrusive thoughts that we start to get desensitized to them. Then it doesn’t feel “intrusive” anymore because it’s not causing so much anxiety or disgust like it used to. Then we question whether we’re becoming the thoughts or not. For example, I’ve had ocd for so long that when a new type of thought pops in my head I don’t get anxious anymore because I’ve had SO many unwanted thoughts nothing really seems to phase me anymore. It still feels so real though, even when we know in our hearts it’s just lies OCD wants us to believe. OCD really sucks :/ I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I wish I could just take everyone’s intrusive thoughts away so we wouldn’t suffer anymore. Stay strong, and remember to breathe and take slow calming breaths when you’re feeling worked up.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it!

Makki23

Date posted: 5y

I am going through similar stuff

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm really sorry, I understand how terrible it can be. How are you doing today?

Makki23

Date posted: 5y

@corablue Not great

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Makki23 I'm sorry to hear that. What is troubling you?

Makki23

Date posted: 5y

@corablue Im scared I'm going to forget who I am...my mind feels a mess

little rabbit

Date posted: 5y

This might be of some help maybe: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you! It was helpful.

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