- Username
- catmom
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I specifically remember being in my Tae Kwon Do uniform, in the mirror, at 12 years old, and ruminating/crying at the possibility that I was a pedophile. At 12.
I understand! I’ve had sexually intrusive thoughts since 5th grade. I’m sorry you have to go through that pain, ocd sucks ass!!
@catmom Ha! It certainly does! The ol’ butt suck.
We learned about “fire safety” at my elementary school and it made me turn the light on over and over again while trying to fall asleep because I would need to check for smoke
Hyper-responsibility is the worst feeling!! It puts so much pressure on us ):
2nd grade
Mine was having to count to specific numbers while performing any task, and having to time it perfect or else I would have a horrible day. I also constantly had to sound out sentences in my head. I couldn’t think streamlined, it was like I forced myself to think slower so it sounded just like when I speak in my head. I knew I could have many thoughts quickly, much faster than I could say them, but I would force my thoughts to slow down which resulted in them kind of oscillating and almost “vibrating” inside my minds ears
Interesting! I still have issues when it comes to counting to certain numbers or else something bad will happen. It’s so time consuming & pointless!
Wow I didn’t realize that was a symptom of OCD! I’ve never had someone explain it like that before but that’s how I think a lot of the time... it’s so distracting and feels exhausting to slow down your thoughts and make them sound like your voice
@catmom It definitely is! Idk why it feels so comforting to get to the exact right number
@Emmaaaahh I feel like it used to help me do math in my head somehow, but yes especially when I was a child it felt like I’d say each word in my head many times so rapidly that it would almost be like just saying it slow out loud. Sometimes I would already be done with the entire circle of thoughts, but I still had to go through and sound it all out in my head for no reason haha
Needing to sit up super straight because "if I slouch, I'm a slob". I was right or nine and caused myself loads of back problems
Ocd makes the weirdest associations in our heads. That sucks!
I developed a fear of tornadoes when I was younger. I remember not being able to focus in school in 2nd grade because I was checking to see if the wind was blowing hard or not. I asked my parents multiple times a day to check the weather to see if a tornado would come.
By checking to see if the wind was blowing, I constantly was staring out the window ): my mom took me to a therapist and I was diagnosed for ADHD, but with my new diagnosis of OCD I can totally see the obsessive compulsive cycle playing a part there.
@Sunset1234 Yeah, the checking sounds like OCD. It’s funny how we get really scared of encountering things that are so uncommon...what a clever little thing OCD is!!
@Sunset1234 Every time I looked in the mirror my brain would start saying the Bloody Mary thing and I would mentally try to tell myself to stop saying it and because of that I avoided mirrors so much
I remember always being afraid of seeing others sleeping while I was awake. Id have to check on them to make sure they were still breathing. I was like 12.
That’s so hard! Ocd is so hard for young children, no kid should have to feel hyper-responsible for someone else’s life! I’m so sorry you has to deal with that.
@catmom I still deal with harm ocd and ny son is the main target of my ocd. I hate it. Love your handle though! Im a cat mom too!
@luchalysol Thanks! My cat’s my little baby!? Harm OCD sucks, I struggle with it too /:
@catmom Its horrible. My thoughts make it seem so real even though deep in my heart I know its not who I am. My cat has been a huge support for me, wouldn't trade him for the world
@luchalysol Same! My cat is my life, I depend on him a lot. I have no idea what I would do without him, cats are the best comfort?
@catmom They are. Id be in a much worse state right now if it wasn't for him.
I was in 2nd grade and “my friends” wanted to go to one of the “haunted” restrooms at my school and do Bloody Mary, many of them said they saw something and honestly I don’t remember if I did or not but I know I got traumatized and that’s where my ocd came out. I would check the doors every night in 5 groups of 5 (one for every member of my family) I would check the windows and close them the same amount of times and as well as my closet 5 times. I even remember asking my mom to see my birth certificate cause I believed she was the real Bloody Mary and would cry to her.
I do things by the number 4 , one for each member of my family as well! I took what was supposed to be a joking funny quiz in elementary school about whether or not my parents were aliens & it said they were! That became my worst fear for MONTHS, I was obsessed with figuring it out! It sounds stupid, but stuff like that is terrifying to deal with as a kid!
My first ocd memory was when i was probably about 11-12... i had a hamster and I was always thinking something was wrong with him... i kept him in the bathroom accross from my room because he would make noise at night, and i would constantly be getting out of bed to check on him. Probably did it about 10 times each night. I also had a bunch of stuffed animals i slept with and before bed would organize them in a specific order, say my prayers to god and then kiss every stuffed animal on the head 3 times... if i didn’t do those things i couldn’t sleep ? in school when i was in like 7th grade i also had this fear of accidentally peeing or pooping myself in class lmao... i would constantly be checking the floor and wanting to go to the bathroom to check my underwear ?? OCD is so weird
Agreed, OCD is so random! It makes us worried about the weirdest most small things! I think i had quite a few rituals regarding my stuffed animals too when I was younger! ?
@catmom Me too! I felt like they had feelings almost and if I didn’t sleep with every one of them in my bed then they would feel left out and do something bad to me!!
What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
For those with contaminations OCD, I have two questions for you: 1) Did it start in childhood for you or after a specific event linked to contamination/based on science and extrapolating it? 2) Can you give me one example of a thought/worry? I'm just curious to see what other people experience
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