Guys... I didn't know I would post again so soon. I'm extremely sorry but I can't stop crying and I think I'll explode from whatever I'm feeling. I thought I was a bit better especially with the kind help I received from my last post, which, again, I'm really thankful for. I was ready to go to bed when a memory from last summer resurfaced. It has always been at the back of my mind but I've always tried to ignore it by telling myself that I didn't do anything bad, but now it has resurfaced with full power. I don't think I'm ready to share it here because it's so disgusting but it's related to POCD. I think I will need to confess it to my therapist tomorrow when I see her but I'm so scared. I'm scared she will have me sent to jail. I'm not asking for advice. I just wanted to talk to someone because I feel so, so lonely. (But then, at the same time, I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone because of how bad it is; I'm sorry, I'm so weird.) I'm sorry, I don't know what to say anymore. And I know I sound so dramatic but I promise that's not my intention.

You are not alone. I went through a psychological crisis very recently and I am still in recovery and this is what hurt me the most. I kid you not, I used to repeat what you said to my parents and beg them to have me sent away. It was awful. Memory after memory of things would haunt me in the middle of the night. Sometimes they were real memories of things that happened and things that didn’t. It had to do with pocd as well as my other subtypes. I am now in recover with antidepressants and specialized therapy and I can tell you, if you take the necessary steps to feel better, you will remember what you were anxious about and think that it was ridiculous (not that you’re ridiculous, OCD is). OCD will try to stop you and convince you that you are really bad and you are the only one. Guess what, the fact that (1) I used to say the exact thing as you and (2) the fact that I know what OCD is going to tell you, should tell you that this is OCD. OCD is an illness, just like any other physical ailment. When people get strep throat, they all have the same symptoms, their throat hurts. When people have POCD they all have similar symptoms and say similar things. OCD is not smart. It doesn’t mix things up. If you can recognize the tricks, you can avoid them, then you can take your life back. You can do this! I am Christian and I believe that God loves us and will never leave us. You got this! (Also sorry for the long response) (Also don’t be angry at yourself, no one with diabetes is angry at themselves for having irregular blood sugar so you shouldn’t be angry at yourself for having mental illness)

Thank you so, so much for all your support, guys! It it a real memory, the event happened, I talked about it with my previous therapist and it thought I was fine as he said things similar to this happen, but apparently I was wrong, I'm not fine. Since last night I can't stop thinking about it. It's killing me inside knowing I am capable of such things. I'm really worried to talk about this with my therapist because I already confessed to her other real events that were as disgusting as this one, and I'm afraid that she'll realise how terrible I am. I feel so bad that I don't even know how to get up from my bed today. I so wish I didn't have to. Thank you again for all your help and support. It means a lot to me!

There's just so much proof that I'm a terrible, terrible person that needs to be put away. Ahh, I'm so angry at myself.

I highly recommend telling your therapist. I can't make any promises about what will or won't happen I just believe It's the best course of action. You can do this ☺!

As I understand you may have real event ocd or false memory ocd. Either of them you can talk, but if you feel it is a huge thing, you could talk to someone. Ive experienced these type of things before TW When I was young I did terrible things. Sexual assault or disrespect or harassment. Whatever of this. I dont remember my age at the time, maybe 12 or 14 idk. Things happening between me and my eldest sister. Just know that you not alone in this. If you want to chat better feel free, but take care of the urge of confessing as it may be a compulsion

Your therapist will probably have worked with people with POCD before and has probably heard all sorts of things. I would definitely recommend talking to her about this memory.