Guys... I didn't know I would post again so soon. I'm extremely sorry but I can't stop crying and I think I'll explode from whatever I'm feeling. I thought I was a bit better especially with the kind help I received from my last post, which, again, I'm really thankful for. I was ready to go to bed when a memory from last summer resurfaced. It has always been at the back of my mind but I've always tried to ignore it by telling myself that I didn't do anything bad, but now it has resurfaced with full power. I don't think I'm ready to share it here because it's so disgusting but it's related to POCD. I think I will need to confess it to my therapist tomorrow when I see her but I'm so scared. I'm scared she will have me sent to jail. I'm not asking for advice. I just wanted to talk to someone because I feel so, so lonely. (But then, at the same time, I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone because of how bad it is; I'm sorry, I'm so weird.) I'm sorry, I don't know what to say anymore. And I know I sound so dramatic but I promise that's not my intention.

POCD

Lavender

Date posted: 5y

You are not alone. I went through a psychological crisis very recently and I am still in recovery and this is what hurt me the most. I kid you not, I used to repeat what you said to my parents and beg them to have me sent away. It was awful. Memory after memory of things would haunt me in the middle of the night. Sometimes they were real memories of things that happened and things that didn’t. It had to do with pocd as well as my other subtypes. I am now in recover with antidepressants and specialized therapy and I can tell you, if you take the necessary steps to feel better, you will remember what you were anxious about and think that it was ridiculous (not that you’re ridiculous, OCD is). OCD will try to stop you and convince you that you are really bad and you are the only one. Guess what, the fact that (1) I used to say the exact thing as you and (2) the fact that I know what OCD is going to tell you, should tell you that this is OCD. OCD is an illness, just like any other physical ailment. When people get strep throat, they all have the same symptoms, their throat hurts. When people have POCD they all have similar symptoms and say similar things. OCD is not smart. It doesn’t mix things up. If you can recognize the tricks, you can avoid them, then you can take your life back. You can do this! I am Christian and I believe that God loves us and will never leave us. You got this! (Also sorry for the long response) (Also don’t be angry at yourself, no one with diabetes is angry at themselves for having irregular blood sugar so you shouldn’t be angry at yourself for having mental illness)

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so, so much for all your support, guys! It it a real memory, the event happened, I talked about it with my previous therapist and it thought I was fine as he said things similar to this happen, but apparently I was wrong, I'm not fine. Since last night I can't stop thinking about it. It's killing me inside knowing I am capable of such things. I'm really worried to talk about this with my therapist because I already confessed to her other real events that were as disgusting as this one, and I'm afraid that she'll realise how terrible I am. I feel so bad that I don't even know how to get up from my bed today. I so wish I didn't have to. Thank you again for all your help and support. It means a lot to me!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I* thought I was fine

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

There's just so much proof that I'm a terrible, terrible person that needs to be put away. Ahh, I'm so angry at myself.

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

I highly recommend telling your therapist. I can't make any promises about what will or won't happen I just believe It's the best course of action. You can do this ☺!

Heello

Date posted: 5y

As I understand you may have real event ocd or false memory ocd. Either of them you can talk, but if you feel it is a huge thing, you could talk to someone. Ive experienced these type of things before TW When I was young I did terrible things. Sexual assault or disrespect or harassment. Whatever of this. I dont remember my age at the time, maybe 12 or 14 idk. Things happening between me and my eldest sister. Just know that you not alone in this. If you want to chat better feel free, but take care of the urge of confessing as it may be a compulsion

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Your therapist will probably have worked with people with POCD before and has probably heard all sorts of things. I would definitely recommend talking to her about this memory.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Still not feeling okay

Last year I used and app to talk about my POCD and people called me a pedo and told me to kill myself. It has been months and I had even forgotten about it, but I talked about my mom yesterday and I feel a sense of doom now. Like, I could have lived my life normally, but this happened. I feel overhelmed, and don't know exactly what to do, cuz when I stop to think about it, it is something awful, but I spend months just not caring, I don't know what to do, it was not even close to the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but it still feels terrible, it keeps echoing in my mind, and It won't go away, and yes I know it is OCD, I just want to let It go. And I lied somethings to my mom cuz if I told the whole truth she would be even more heartbroken (I just didn't say what app it was and I said it was recently, and not months ago) And I feel bad, but now I can't go back, but if I told her the whole truth, she would've just broke down. Basically she thinks it was yesterday and in another app, and I told her I just commented on something. But I feel so bad! I don't want to tell the truth to her, but also, I don't know...

Ishtar._

Date posted: 16w

i don't think i have OCD..

hello everybody! 🔞 last saturday i did something i shouldn't have done, and i even posted about it here, but no one responded to my post (it's okay, i completely understand). to inform you, since i deleted the post: i consumed erotic literature where two 14 year old children had a relationship (☠️), on wattpad. and i consumed this theme to see if i was really attracted to it..i think. i'm unsure about it, but i know i didn't feel anything consuming it. i was feeling extremely anxious and felt extremely bad the next day, and i only got better when i talked to my girlfriend and an online friend. i'm still feeling bad, i know i shouldn't have done it and whenever i'm feeling genuinely good, it comes back to haunt me.. i'm worried because i'm not feeling enough guilt or remorse, idk.. i feel bad and i regret it, and i can't stand going through this problem anymore.. i was in therapy a few months ago, but i stopped for financial reasons and my psychologist doesn't see me virtually anymore. it's been difficult.. just a vent.

Uhhhh15

Date posted: 16w

I feel gross

I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again

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