- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Username
- Lavender Lavender
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You are not alone. I went through a psychological crisis very recently and I am still in recovery and this is what hurt me the most. I kid you not, I used to repeat what you said to my parents and beg them to have me sent away. It was awful. Memory after memory of things would haunt me in the middle of the night. Sometimes they were real memories of things that happened and things that didn’t. It had to do with pocd as well as my other subtypes. I am now in recover with antidepressants and specialized therapy and I can tell you, if you take the necessary steps to feel better, you will remember what you were anxious about and think that it was ridiculous (not that you’re ridiculous, OCD is). OCD will try to stop you and convince you that you are really bad and you are the only one. Guess what, the fact that (1) I used to say the exact thing as you and (2) the fact that I know what OCD is going to tell you, should tell you that this is OCD. OCD is an illness, just like any other physical ailment. When people get strep throat, they all have the same symptoms, their throat hurts. When people have POCD they all have similar symptoms and say similar things. OCD is not smart. It doesn’t mix things up. If you can recognize the tricks, you can avoid them, then you can take your life back. You can do this! I am Christian and I believe that God loves us and will never leave us. You got this! (Also sorry for the long response) (Also don’t be angry at yourself, no one with diabetes is angry at themselves for having irregular blood sugar so you shouldn’t be angry at yourself for having mental illness)
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so, so much for all your support, guys! It it a real memory, the event happened, I talked about it with my previous therapist and it thought I was fine as he said things similar to this happen, but apparently I was wrong, I'm not fine. Since last night I can't stop thinking about it. It's killing me inside knowing I am capable of such things. I'm really worried to talk about this with my therapist because I already confessed to her other real events that were as disgusting as this one, and I'm afraid that she'll realise how terrible I am. I feel so bad that I don't even know how to get up from my bed today. I so wish I didn't have to. Thank you again for all your help and support. It means a lot to me!
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I* thought I was fine
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
There's just so much proof that I'm a terrible, terrible person that needs to be put away. Ahh, I'm so angry at myself.
- Username
- Ben84Ben84
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I highly recommend telling your therapist. I can't make any promises about what will or won't happen I just believe It's the best course of action. You can do this ☺!
- Username
- HeelloHeello
- Date posted
- 4y ago
As I understand you may have real event ocd or false memory ocd. Either of them you can talk, but if you feel it is a huge thing, you could talk to someone. Ive experienced these type of things before TW When I was young I did terrible things. Sexual assault or disrespect or harassment. Whatever of this. I dont remember my age at the time, maybe 12 or 14 idk. Things happening between me and my eldest sister. Just know that you not alone in this. If you want to chat better feel free, but take care of the urge of confessing as it may be a compulsion
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Your therapist will probably have worked with people with POCD before and has probably heard all sorts of things. I would definitely recommend talking to her about this memory.
Related posts
- Username
- jelly
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
- Username
- bloominglotus
- Date posted
- 50w ago
It’s so difficult
Today has been awful thoughts. It’s just getting worse and it feels like real thoughts and feelings even though I’ve been fighting it. I wish I could explain how bad it is to my parents. How do you tell anyone you’re having horrible horrible thoughts of sexually harming others and other terrible things?And there’s events from my past that make me not want to do anything because I feel like I deserve to be jailed. I’m worried I won’t be able to get a job because I can’t act like a normal person, or learn to drive. My mom said I need something to keep my occupied, find some classes to take. And she’s right but I’m worried I can’t even focus on that and again I feel like it’s a waste because I feel like I deserve to be in jail. I’m 21 I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to get help, I really feel like I don’t want to live anymore, it feel like the only way out. But I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want my family to feel at fault. I don’t have any diagnosis so it just all feels too real. It’s CONSTANT thoughts about harming others. It feels real, it sounds proud and almost like it’s mocking in my head. I feel like I’m voluntarily thinking these things. I don’t understand why this has happened and why it’s gotten so bad. I know in my heart I have ZERO desire to be this person. I’m sorry I keep posting so much, it’s just so difficult.
- Username
- aneyh
- Date posted
- 49w ago
How do you deal with confession urges?
I have a really awful event. One that required a lot of non-OCD related confessions to my gf. It happened 4 years ago. I don’t really consider any of my thoughts around this event to be OCD related, because it was actually THAT BAD, and I actually should feel the things I’m feeling. The problem that keeps coming up is my urge to confess more details. The thing I did wasn’t one event, but a series of awful events. My girlfriend doesn’t want to know anymore details. She says no matter how bad it is, she doesn’t want to know anymore. I keep getting memories of details that I’m worried would end our relationship if she knew. I’ve confessed so many awful details and she hasn’t left me yet, but there are so many genuinely terrible things that I thought, felt, intended, and acted on. With the thought that revealing a detail could end my relationship, how am I not supposed to confess? I feel like I am tricking her and she doesn’t understand the full extent of my depravity. When she looks at me with love I feel sick and unworthy. She doesn’t want me to confess anymore, my therapist doesn’t want me to confess anymore, and these memories are just sitting in my head, eating away at my soul. I feel so alone. I feel like most of you can probably guess the nature of what I did and might not appreciate me posting about it here. I’m sorry, I just need someone to talk to…
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