- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I don’t necessarily think your attraction changes as you get older. I think we get curious about different things but i think our overall attraction stays the same
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, but now I’m starting to believe that I’ve been lying to myself my entire life. I don’t know anymore. I hate it. That’s all I know.
- Date posted
- 5y
One thing that stands out to me about your post is the word "forced" over and over. To "force" an action implies somebody imposing decisions and actions on other people, usually with a threat of negative consequences for non-compliance. By applying that word to ourselves (which is common btw, lots of people talk about "forcing" themselves to do things, myself included) we remove our autonomy. Unless someone else is truly forcing our behaviors, we are CHOOSING how we want to act. Reframing decisions as choices lets us focus on what positive things we want to move towards instead of what negative things we are trying to move away from. Choice also means that we can make different decisions in the future. It embraces change and growth
- Date posted
- 5y
You could be, who honestly knows, at some point it doesnt even matter anymore cause youre gonna continue your same attraction while having thoughts of the opposite attraction. Do what makes you happy despite the thoughts
- Date posted
- 5y
To follow up with that, I like to think of OCD as a separate entity from my mind. It’s what “forces” me to think and do things out of fear. I think labeling OCD as being separate from who we actually are helps give us a fighting chance when we are struggling with those thoughts we don’t want to be having.
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess so
- Date posted
- 5y
Anonymous, what you're describing is called "externalizing the problem". It's a great strategy. I usually lean towards describing it as "OCD is demanding x" or "OCD is threatening y if I do t do x" to acknowledge the distress and pressure OCD creates while still leaving space for me to decide how to respond
- Date posted
- 5y
I am dealing with nearly exact the same thoughts right now. But I try to push through them without seeking reassurance and just accept the possibility that I could be attracted to more than one gender. The anxiety nearly kills me though, I've been with my boyfriend for more than a decade now and love him to pieces and the idea that all of that could have been a lie and fall apart is just so hard to accept without reassurance... the last 6 months were actually prettygood and I could deal with the thoughts in a mindful way and felt really joyful and at ease, but due to stress and a transition ahead from uni to a new job I got myself triggered and now the crippling fear is back:( but I keep telling myself that I can get to that healthy balance again if I just hang in there, try to use mindfulness or do some self directed ERP and not seek reassurance or do compulsions .. I wish the tele-therapy would be available outside of the US, I would love to try it and get help with this from a professional, it is so difficult to find adequate and affordable treatment in my area...
- Date posted
- 5y
I completely understand I’m so sorry; ERP can be extremely difficult and sometimes I feel the need to ask for reassurance because too many thoughts bombard me at once and my mind is unable to think of anything else (even if I try my hardest). I often give myself headaches and crying episodes if I don’t seek help during these difficult periods because I can’t cope with all the possibilities in front of me. Usually, it’s when I receive several mental images along with false urges that make me uncomfortable. Sometimes my mind will ask me whether I’ve come out yet and I don’t understand where the voice is coming from nor do I understand how to make it go away. Also, due to the fact that there’s a fine line between denial and HOCD I often get confused as I’m unable to decipher despite the distress I feel constantly. It’s agonizing, it truly is.
- Date posted
- 5y
It is true, I also feel so devastated and cry constantly and my mind just seems to want absolute clarity and certainty. It makes me doubt I even have OCD and just use it as an excuse to keep lying to myself. As I never got a proper diagnosis (I have seen two therapists who assumed that it is OCD but as they both couldn't offer me a spot, they didn't do an official diagnosis) this is also a nice topic to unsettle me. While I was doing better and also before this whole intrusive shit started I actually didn't really care about my exact sexual orientation and always was open to the possibility of also being a little bit attracted to women (never in a physical or sexual way as this just doesn't appeal to me on any level, but rather in an appreciating/admiring way) and the thought about sexual fluidity also made sense to me. I just wasn't scared of it because I was sure about the connection to my boyfriend and never felt any need to explore. But with this anxiety it seems that I cannot accept any ambivalence and crave to be 100% sure that I am 100% straight or everything I feel for my boyfriend emotionally or sexually must have been a lie or compulsory heterosexuality. I kind of feel forced to think in black and white terms while I know that sexuality very often is not that linear and that this is ok.. I also recognise OCD-behaviour in other situations, especially with themes about health, relationships or perfectionism. In general, I have a really hard time to accept uncertainty in any way. It always starts with a thought or doubt or fear and the urge to reassure myself that it is not true. And mostly there is no real answer to these questions, so the reassurance-seeking makes the fear worse.. I have so much to work on but I am glad I found this app, so I have at least a little bit of guidance :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, I understand you completely. I experience OCD in many different forms; sometimes my OCD surrounds driving, my education or my appearance (I have to prove that I’m this or that).
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- Date posted
- 13w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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