- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t necessarily think your attraction changes as you get older. I think we get curious about different things but i think our overall attraction stays the same
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, but now I’m starting to believe that I’ve been lying to myself my entire life. I don’t know anymore. I hate it. That’s all I know.
- Date posted
- 4y
One thing that stands out to me about your post is the word "forced" over and over. To "force" an action implies somebody imposing decisions and actions on other people, usually with a threat of negative consequences for non-compliance. By applying that word to ourselves (which is common btw, lots of people talk about "forcing" themselves to do things, myself included) we remove our autonomy. Unless someone else is truly forcing our behaviors, we are CHOOSING how we want to act. Reframing decisions as choices lets us focus on what positive things we want to move towards instead of what negative things we are trying to move away from. Choice also means that we can make different decisions in the future. It embraces change and growth
- Date posted
- 4y
You could be, who honestly knows, at some point it doesnt even matter anymore cause youre gonna continue your same attraction while having thoughts of the opposite attraction. Do what makes you happy despite the thoughts
- Date posted
- 4y
To follow up with that, I like to think of OCD as a separate entity from my mind. It’s what “forces” me to think and do things out of fear. I think labeling OCD as being separate from who we actually are helps give us a fighting chance when we are struggling with those thoughts we don’t want to be having.
- Date posted
- 4y
I guess so
- Date posted
- 4y
Anonymous, what you're describing is called "externalizing the problem". It's a great strategy. I usually lean towards describing it as "OCD is demanding x" or "OCD is threatening y if I do t do x" to acknowledge the distress and pressure OCD creates while still leaving space for me to decide how to respond
- Date posted
- 4y
I am dealing with nearly exact the same thoughts right now. But I try to push through them without seeking reassurance and just accept the possibility that I could be attracted to more than one gender. The anxiety nearly kills me though, I've been with my boyfriend for more than a decade now and love him to pieces and the idea that all of that could have been a lie and fall apart is just so hard to accept without reassurance... the last 6 months were actually prettygood and I could deal with the thoughts in a mindful way and felt really joyful and at ease, but due to stress and a transition ahead from uni to a new job I got myself triggered and now the crippling fear is back:( but I keep telling myself that I can get to that healthy balance again if I just hang in there, try to use mindfulness or do some self directed ERP and not seek reassurance or do compulsions .. I wish the tele-therapy would be available outside of the US, I would love to try it and get help with this from a professional, it is so difficult to find adequate and affordable treatment in my area...
- Date posted
- 4y
I completely understand I’m so sorry; ERP can be extremely difficult and sometimes I feel the need to ask for reassurance because too many thoughts bombard me at once and my mind is unable to think of anything else (even if I try my hardest). I often give myself headaches and crying episodes if I don’t seek help during these difficult periods because I can’t cope with all the possibilities in front of me. Usually, it’s when I receive several mental images along with false urges that make me uncomfortable. Sometimes my mind will ask me whether I’ve come out yet and I don’t understand where the voice is coming from nor do I understand how to make it go away. Also, due to the fact that there’s a fine line between denial and HOCD I often get confused as I’m unable to decipher despite the distress I feel constantly. It’s agonizing, it truly is.
- Date posted
- 4y
It is true, I also feel so devastated and cry constantly and my mind just seems to want absolute clarity and certainty. It makes me doubt I even have OCD and just use it as an excuse to keep lying to myself. As I never got a proper diagnosis (I have seen two therapists who assumed that it is OCD but as they both couldn't offer me a spot, they didn't do an official diagnosis) this is also a nice topic to unsettle me. While I was doing better and also before this whole intrusive shit started I actually didn't really care about my exact sexual orientation and always was open to the possibility of also being a little bit attracted to women (never in a physical or sexual way as this just doesn't appeal to me on any level, but rather in an appreciating/admiring way) and the thought about sexual fluidity also made sense to me. I just wasn't scared of it because I was sure about the connection to my boyfriend and never felt any need to explore. But with this anxiety it seems that I cannot accept any ambivalence and crave to be 100% sure that I am 100% straight or everything I feel for my boyfriend emotionally or sexually must have been a lie or compulsory heterosexuality. I kind of feel forced to think in black and white terms while I know that sexuality very often is not that linear and that this is ok.. I also recognise OCD-behaviour in other situations, especially with themes about health, relationships or perfectionism. In general, I have a really hard time to accept uncertainty in any way. It always starts with a thought or doubt or fear and the urge to reassure myself that it is not true. And mostly there is no real answer to these questions, so the reassurance-seeking makes the fear worse.. I have so much to work on but I am glad I found this app, so I have at least a little bit of guidance :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, I understand you completely. I experience OCD in many different forms; sometimes my OCD surrounds driving, my education or my appearance (I have to prove that I’m this or that).
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 17w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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