- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t necessarily think your attraction changes as you get older. I think we get curious about different things but i think our overall attraction stays the same
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, but now I’m starting to believe that I’ve been lying to myself my entire life. I don’t know anymore. I hate it. That’s all I know.
- Date posted
- 4y
One thing that stands out to me about your post is the word "forced" over and over. To "force" an action implies somebody imposing decisions and actions on other people, usually with a threat of negative consequences for non-compliance. By applying that word to ourselves (which is common btw, lots of people talk about "forcing" themselves to do things, myself included) we remove our autonomy. Unless someone else is truly forcing our behaviors, we are CHOOSING how we want to act. Reframing decisions as choices lets us focus on what positive things we want to move towards instead of what negative things we are trying to move away from. Choice also means that we can make different decisions in the future. It embraces change and growth
- Date posted
- 4y
You could be, who honestly knows, at some point it doesnt even matter anymore cause youre gonna continue your same attraction while having thoughts of the opposite attraction. Do what makes you happy despite the thoughts
- Date posted
- 4y
To follow up with that, I like to think of OCD as a separate entity from my mind. It’s what “forces” me to think and do things out of fear. I think labeling OCD as being separate from who we actually are helps give us a fighting chance when we are struggling with those thoughts we don’t want to be having.
- Date posted
- 4y
I guess so
- Date posted
- 4y
Anonymous, what you're describing is called "externalizing the problem". It's a great strategy. I usually lean towards describing it as "OCD is demanding x" or "OCD is threatening y if I do t do x" to acknowledge the distress and pressure OCD creates while still leaving space for me to decide how to respond
- Date posted
- 4y
I am dealing with nearly exact the same thoughts right now. But I try to push through them without seeking reassurance and just accept the possibility that I could be attracted to more than one gender. The anxiety nearly kills me though, I've been with my boyfriend for more than a decade now and love him to pieces and the idea that all of that could have been a lie and fall apart is just so hard to accept without reassurance... the last 6 months were actually prettygood and I could deal with the thoughts in a mindful way and felt really joyful and at ease, but due to stress and a transition ahead from uni to a new job I got myself triggered and now the crippling fear is back:( but I keep telling myself that I can get to that healthy balance again if I just hang in there, try to use mindfulness or do some self directed ERP and not seek reassurance or do compulsions .. I wish the tele-therapy would be available outside of the US, I would love to try it and get help with this from a professional, it is so difficult to find adequate and affordable treatment in my area...
- Date posted
- 4y
I completely understand I’m so sorry; ERP can be extremely difficult and sometimes I feel the need to ask for reassurance because too many thoughts bombard me at once and my mind is unable to think of anything else (even if I try my hardest). I often give myself headaches and crying episodes if I don’t seek help during these difficult periods because I can’t cope with all the possibilities in front of me. Usually, it’s when I receive several mental images along with false urges that make me uncomfortable. Sometimes my mind will ask me whether I’ve come out yet and I don’t understand where the voice is coming from nor do I understand how to make it go away. Also, due to the fact that there’s a fine line between denial and HOCD I often get confused as I’m unable to decipher despite the distress I feel constantly. It’s agonizing, it truly is.
- Date posted
- 4y
It is true, I also feel so devastated and cry constantly and my mind just seems to want absolute clarity and certainty. It makes me doubt I even have OCD and just use it as an excuse to keep lying to myself. As I never got a proper diagnosis (I have seen two therapists who assumed that it is OCD but as they both couldn't offer me a spot, they didn't do an official diagnosis) this is also a nice topic to unsettle me. While I was doing better and also before this whole intrusive shit started I actually didn't really care about my exact sexual orientation and always was open to the possibility of also being a little bit attracted to women (never in a physical or sexual way as this just doesn't appeal to me on any level, but rather in an appreciating/admiring way) and the thought about sexual fluidity also made sense to me. I just wasn't scared of it because I was sure about the connection to my boyfriend and never felt any need to explore. But with this anxiety it seems that I cannot accept any ambivalence and crave to be 100% sure that I am 100% straight or everything I feel for my boyfriend emotionally or sexually must have been a lie or compulsory heterosexuality. I kind of feel forced to think in black and white terms while I know that sexuality very often is not that linear and that this is ok.. I also recognise OCD-behaviour in other situations, especially with themes about health, relationships or perfectionism. In general, I have a really hard time to accept uncertainty in any way. It always starts with a thought or doubt or fear and the urge to reassure myself that it is not true. And mostly there is no real answer to these questions, so the reassurance-seeking makes the fear worse.. I have so much to work on but I am glad I found this app, so I have at least a little bit of guidance :)
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, I understand you completely. I experience OCD in many different forms; sometimes my OCD surrounds driving, my education or my appearance (I have to prove that I’m this or that).
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 19w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 15w
I just can’t do this shit anymore.im tired of these “arousal” sensations that feel real but when I go check my arousal to the same gender I just get anxiety. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t like girls anymore. I’m tired of my arousal getting blocked every now and then because I’m anxious. I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore. I’m tired of having my mind putting me into an identity I never asked for. I’m tired of this life
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