- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m not trans but some of my best friends are, so I can speak from what they’ve told me. Basically, if you mess up someone’s pronouns, what you’re supposed to do is apologize, correct yourself, and then move on. I know with ocd we often have a tendency to want to confess, or to apologize over and over, but that not only is harmful to you because it’s a compulsion, but it also makes the person you misgendered feel uncomfortable. I will often though, to avoid misgendering someone, practice using their pronouns by myself in private. Don’t let that become a compulsion though.
- Date posted
- 4y
i apologized and i’m more calmed down now. i just felt really guilty.. like it was really unexpected and it happened so fast and i just didn’t know how to react. i didn’t know they were trans until today and i literally went down a spiral.
- Date posted
- 4y
@val ʚĭɞ Glad you’ve calmed down some. I’d say what’s happened happened, and just treat your friend the same way you’ve always treated him. He’s the same person now as he was before you knew he was a boy.
- Date posted
- 4y
i cant breathe and i can’t stop shaking someone please
- Date posted
- 4y
ugh i’ve never felt so horrible someone please
- Date posted
- 4y
Exactly what Nikki said. My sibling transitioned a decade ago and we still slip up occasionally and misgender or use his dead name if we are talking about the past/childhood etc, even though we DO think of him as male. I've never known someone to be mortally offended by it, especially if you didn't know they were trans at all in the first place it's extremely understandable. We all just want respect and acceptance for our identities and you haven't disrespected that at all, you recognise and respect their identity now that you know about it and I'm sure they get that. Ambiguous gender presentation causes this situation all the time, every trans person knows that it can take people time to adjust to the change both in words and the mental image of them in your mind. You can survive feeling guilty until it just goes away again by itself (as it's supposed to), you don't need to dwell on or punish yourself for an innocent mistake. You also don't need to obsess and make yourself ill about being certain that you never do it again, either. We all slip up. It's fine to slip up. We can't get everything right all the time, and we can all survive it when we make a mistake. The only offensive thing would be doing it deliberately to hurt their feelings or out of 'disagreeing' about their identity.
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you for this. we talked today and we got over it:) he thought i knew that he was trans but i didn’t so we laughed it off. i’ll learn from this and maybe apply it in a nearby future!
- Date posted
- 4y
it is fine u already know ur "mistake", u didn't know he was a boy.
- Date posted
- 4y
i just feel so bad.. i really didn’t mean it at all. i was just making sure about his pronouns.. ugh.
- Date posted
- 4y
@val ʚĭɞ it's okay to make mistakes as long as we learn from them, try to not feel guilty ik your mind will be punishing you but tell yourself that you recognize that mistake and u learned from it
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
my cat was smelling my other cat's bottom so to get him away i like quick "slapped" with the dorsal of the hand on his face and i got afraid that i did too hard so i compulsively did it again with similar strenght that i used to check if he was hurt and i regret it, like it wasn't a hard slap meant to hurt, but i did that impulsively and maybe i exceeded a bit over the limit in which it doesn't hurt. like he definetely reacted but i don't know if he was hurt, like he reacted in the moment but nothiny else, and he's lovey dovey. i dont think he was hurt but i feel bad. because if i did it once as a mistake i shouldn't have done the same thing again. i feel like an abuser. there are many things that are happening to me and im getting overwhelmed and i dont know how much longer i can hold on. because one thing i can't do is to forgive myself over mistakes.
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
- Date posted
- 17w
Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish
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