- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
My heart breaks for you reading this. I know your pain ❤️ I too suffer from pocd and I have a daughter. You are not alone! I strongly suggest seeking treatment through this app. Things can and will get better for you and you can lead a happy fulfilling life. Do not let ocd win and rob you from what’s most important to you! Ocd attacks what we love the most. Don’t let it win. You got this!
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for your words. To me, this is the worst ocd possible... Even though Im not certain I have it.. But if what I wrote or some of it is what you endure everyday, you are a true warrior.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Hollow99 I would have to agree. Ocd is ocd, but I feel like this is the worst theme to suffer with as well.
- Date posted
- 4y
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- Date posted
- 4y
I would have to agree with you, I feel like it is the absolute worst type of ocd to have as well.
- Date posted
- 4y
Def sounds like pedophile ocd. This is treatable! I would recommend finding a therapist as soon as possible.
- Date posted
- 4y
If its pocd, God why would you do the worst to me? Associating something with my niece.. Anything would be better than that.. I will seek help sooner or later.. Though here in Portugal, healthcare is not the best regarding these topics.. I need to be sure what I have.. I need to be sure I will never hurt any child!
- Date posted
- 4y
i truly suggest that u seek the help of either a psychologist or therapy or find the treatment right for u.this sound like pedophile ocd or pure ocd.you can get throught this.find the right therapist for u and pls stay strong.lets not let ocd take over us<33
- Date posted
- 4y
I agree that this has to be one of the worse OCD themes that exist. (They can all be debilitating). I went through hell with POCD myself. The thought also came out of nowhere while I was talking with my sister on the phone. This was many years ago before anyone seem to know what the hell it was and several well meaning professionals actually made the situation worse since they were not trained in the ways of OCD. Hang in there. I know the whole groinal response thing sucks as well but that went away too. I still have intrusive thoughts with this theme but nothing like it was. I educated myself and forums like this really help. However, reassurance only feeds the beast and the sooner you learn this the better. I once heard OCD described as having an extremely neurotic friend with you all the time. Sometimes I just let him talk and talk and don't give him the time of day. Good luck to you. I've never had professional ERP, but I've heard nothing but terrific things about it. I know I'll eventually have to seek it out myself.
- Date posted
- 4y
Where its says baby, was supposed to be bad.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you all for your words and time. I will have to seek help sooner than I thought.. Im awake for more than 24h and about 6 hours ago, when I fall asleep I wake up after 30min having the thoughts and doubting im a pedo, accepting I am and cry, then I deny it.. All this in my head.. I cant live like this, I slept 1hour max only.. This will destroy me. @toni1 Yes, it helped.. But while I found some reassurance when reading about it, it still pains me.. I don't want these thoughts, I didn't ask for them.. Why would I have them? The only explanation I can think of without being certain its ocd is that Im evil.. That my whole life was a lie, I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm just tired of this... so tired...
- Date posted
- 4y
This is totally normal for someone to go through with ocd. I felt the same way. My ocd started bc I was convinced I was a psychopath. I was so scared that I had lied to everyone I love. I thought that I never cared about any of them and I would never have true feelings toward anyone. It almost broke me. I know you don’t want these thoughts. Nobody wants their ocd thoughts. They’re intrusive and upsetting and weird. I certainly never wanted thoughts that I was a psychopath and you didn’t want thoughts that you’re a pedophile. I understand. BUT, I made it out of this and you will too. The thoughts are just thoughts. They are not the same thing as taking action. They do not define you. They do not control you. They are just strings of words that exist in your brain. You can do this
- Date posted
- 4y
@grace22 It feels that whatever I have, is targeting what is most precious. And thats what breaks me the most.. Its the one thing I didn't want.. With all respect to people with cancer and I can only imagine their pain, I rather have that than these thoughts, anything over these thoughts.. I would give anything.. They are literally consuming every minute of every day in my life, to the point where I just want to be in my bed and don't do anything else do the rest of my life... I want my old life back.. Back then I only worried I was no one, that no one cared about me and that I will end up alone.. That doesn't look bad at all now..
- Date posted
- 2y
hi! are you ok?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l
- Young adults with OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Students with OCD
- POCD
- OCD newbies
- False Memory OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 11w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
- Date posted
- 11w
This is really hard for me to post and put out here, I'm not diagnosed with OCD, I just recently started talk therapy. But when I was a child my mom speculated because I had OCD. Because I would have compulsions from intrusive thoughts that always stemmed around SA. Everything for me gets stuck in a record player and a spiral and I can't stop. This is a really concerning and disturbing one, so I thought I would warn again if the topic seems too much for many people. I just recently learned about false memeory OCD and its the only explanation I can come up with right now. I've never shared an intrusive thought out loud but this one is too much. I have been in a really intense spiral lately, where I keep having these extremely vivid memeories of me sexually assaulting people not in my body like I'm sleep walking. It's extremely disturbing and I've convinced myself I have this sort of alter identity or a sleep disorder that is violent. Ive looked up a bunch of disorders like that. I asked a few people if I sleep walk but they don't remember me ever doing something like that, but what if they somehow surpressed a memeory too? I want to bring this up to my therapist, but I have been afraid to because it is so much and a spiral that has lasted for the course of months now and I have ruined my mental health and relationships because of it. I am extremely paranoid that everyone is lying to me or plotting to hurt me. But not because I think they are bad, but because I believe I deserve it. It got to the point where I now have memories of people trying to tell me I am creepy and that I had done things to SA them, along with memories of people talking while I'm not in the room about it. And I genuinely can't tell if it's real or not because I swear they are actual events that I just never put too much thought into in the past or completely dissociated from. (My main response to anything too much or difficult is to dissociate.) It's actually concerning me and the people around me because if it's true then I don't think I should be around society. I don't eat right, I'm too afraid to sleep without my door locked, I am unemployed with no sense of direction out of highschool because of it. It all stemmed from a surpressed memeory , witch who knows is real now, where my ex calls me and tells me I assaulted him, and that he was going to get me back, and that he had spread explicit photos of me. Now I genuinely feel like there is evidence to back up this because he brings up all my coworkers I had at the time, and I have memories of them making strange comments to me. If I somehow assaulted this guy without having an ounce of social awareness of what I was doing was assault then I feel like I absolutely deserve every ounce of mental spiral that is consuming me and worse. And I don't know how to stop this. And I'm afraid if I tell my therapist she might put me in a hospital and my family just doesn't have the money for that, and neither do I as an individual. The guilt would consume me. But I'm pretty sure I have no choice at this point. Because anouther "memory" resurfaced where I took a nightmare I had a long time ago and somehow turned it into me being Sexually assaulted by my father this time, and now I can't look at him or my family without absolute disgust. And I have "memories" of my family trying to talk to me about it but I completely forgot the event and processed it like a dream. I can't tell if something really creepy is actually happening or not but I'm starting to think it is because the way my brother acts around my family is weird but it could be my paranoia and the fact I have been freaking out everyone around me with my mental health. Either way I need to tell a professional because if I DID hurt my ex seriously, I need to take every ounce of accountability. But I don't wanna confess to a memory I don't even fully understand myself. I thought about contacting him several times and asking him if I have ever caused pain, but he blocked me and I feel like that crosses boundaries he has clearly set. Also I don't want to put this mental crisis on any other people, because my family is already freaked out enough. After writing this all out I'm starting to believe I really should force myself to tell my therapist no matter the consequences, I just feel like I need to admit this to a someone to get over my fear of saying it all out loud. Because everyday and every night I keep being plagued by these unwanted flashes of either me being hurt or me hurting other people In really disturbing and terrible ways. and it feels completely real with like context I've made to back it up. Am I unconsciously creepy? I'm just afraid I've become my worse fear and I was it without knowing my whole life.
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