- Username
- Hollow99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My heart breaks for you reading this. I know your pain ❤️ I too suffer from pocd and I have a daughter. You are not alone! I strongly suggest seeking treatment through this app. Things can and will get better for you and you can lead a happy fulfilling life. Do not let ocd win and rob you from what’s most important to you! Ocd attacks what we love the most. Don’t let it win. You got this!
Thank you so much for your words. To me, this is the worst ocd possible... Even though Im not certain I have it.. But if what I wrote or some of it is what you endure everyday, you are a true warrior.
@Hollow99 I would have to agree. Ocd is ocd, but I feel like this is the worst theme to suffer with as well.
Def sounds like pedophile ocd. This is treatable! I would recommend finding a therapist as soon as possible.
If its pocd, God why would you do the worst to me? Associating something with my niece.. Anything would be better than that.. I will seek help sooner or later.. Though here in Portugal, healthcare is not the best regarding these topics.. I need to be sure what I have.. I need to be sure I will never hurt any child!
i truly suggest that u seek the help of either a psychologist or therapy or find the treatment right for u.this sound like pedophile ocd or pure ocd.you can get throught this.find the right therapist for u and pls stay strong.lets not let ocd take over us<33
I agree that this has to be one of the worse OCD themes that exist. (They can all be debilitating). I went through hell with POCD myself. The thought also came out of nowhere while I was talking with my sister on the phone. This was many years ago before anyone seem to know what the hell it was and several well meaning professionals actually made the situation worse since they were not trained in the ways of OCD. Hang in there. I know the whole groinal response thing sucks as well but that went away too. I still have intrusive thoughts with this theme but nothing like it was. I educated myself and forums like this really help. However, reassurance only feeds the beast and the sooner you learn this the better. I once heard OCD described as having an extremely neurotic friend with you all the time. Sometimes I just let him talk and talk and don't give him the time of day. Good luck to you. I've never had professional ERP, but I've heard nothing but terrific things about it. I know I'll eventually have to seek it out myself.
Where its says baby, was supposed to be bad.
Thank you all for your words and time. I will have to seek help sooner than I thought.. Im awake for more than 24h and about 6 hours ago, when I fall asleep I wake up after 30min having the thoughts and doubting im a pedo, accepting I am and cry, then I deny it.. All this in my head.. I cant live like this, I slept 1hour max only.. This will destroy me. @toni1 Yes, it helped.. But while I found some reassurance when reading about it, it still pains me.. I don't want these thoughts, I didn't ask for them.. Why would I have them? The only explanation I can think of without being certain its ocd is that Im evil.. That my whole life was a lie, I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm just tired of this... so tired...
This is totally normal for someone to go through with ocd. I felt the same way. My ocd started bc I was convinced I was a psychopath. I was so scared that I had lied to everyone I love. I thought that I never cared about any of them and I would never have true feelings toward anyone. It almost broke me. I know you don’t want these thoughts. Nobody wants their ocd thoughts. They’re intrusive and upsetting and weird. I certainly never wanted thoughts that I was a psychopath and you didn’t want thoughts that you’re a pedophile. I understand. BUT, I made it out of this and you will too. The thoughts are just thoughts. They are not the same thing as taking action. They do not define you. They do not control you. They are just strings of words that exist in your brain. You can do this
@grace22 It feels that whatever I have, is targeting what is most precious. And thats what breaks me the most.. Its the one thing I didn't want.. With all respect to people with cancer and I can only imagine their pain, I rather have that than these thoughts, anything over these thoughts.. I would give anything.. They are literally consuming every minute of every day in my life, to the point where I just want to be in my bed and don't do anything else do the rest of my life... I want my old life back.. Back then I only worried I was no one, that no one cared about me and that I will end up alone.. That doesn't look bad at all now..
hi! are you ok?
WARNING: POCD I need to know your thoughts... I'm panicking and feeling horrible This is probably one of the first events that made me wonder if I was a "p". (I'm female, 20s) Two years ago, in the summer, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet and adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... I feared I was feeling some sort of attraction to her... And now that I am recalling the event, I'm getting so afraid that this attraction was, in fact, real. I'm on the verge of tears right now ... Because it was so strong... Believe me, this felt like attraction. I'm thinking about her as I'm writing this and I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush) - I just want to cry because I don't want to be a "p". I spent the whole day in panic and wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her. I tried to dismiss the thoughts and enjoy the day. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. I've played with her and talked with her. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides (which now, I know it was a mistake - because I am getting flawed (false) memories that I touched her butt but I'm almost sure that I only touched her legs when giving the piggyback rides but I'm afraid that I touched her butt on purpose too to be deviant! I feel like I would be capable of doing such a awful thing). I remember enjoying her company and wanting to be more time with her... But now I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. I regreted this whole dayAnd when I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. What do I do?? I feel so hopeless... I am crying like crazy, not knowing what to do. I feel like a "p". I am so scared that I was attracted to her and now I have this new false memory that scares me... Please help me... I'm in despair..This particular story weights on me. I'm reviewing it over and over (taking the false memory off) and I don't think I did anything wrong BUT I cant help but to feel uncertain about it... Even if I didnt do anything wrong, I still feel bad for not avoiding it. I felt like a "p" the whole day... I had these intrusive thoughts the whole day... Yet, I wanted to be near the child and play with her?? I was trying to dismiss my thoughts - I tried to fight them! but I can't help to feel that what I did was predatory! Or wrong! I have been crying so much about this subject... I have high morals... And everytime an adult plays with a child is usually a "p" or a predator... I am so afraid that my "desire" to be with this child was an indicator that I'm a p or a bad person in general. Please... I want to know your opinions (I also have another question. I also felt "dirty" all day. Are all of these symptoms normal in ocd? Do people with ocd can like being with children? Are even these questions making sense?) I can't help to reinforce this! I felt terrible afterwards - I regret it so much... I felt dirty during that event, after that event and even today! This was my first time (or one of the first times) dealing with with pocd... I thought it was my brain trying to get me... So I tried to fight it! But... I feel like shit for not avoiding her... I'm so afraid I actually felt attraction for her because it was so strong the affection I experienced for her... I feel like a p... I'm so done...
goes I’m going to be brief and very detailed as possible ,I’m 26 female and I don’t know if it’s pocd or the real thing .okay so for starters I do suffer from anxiety and sometimes depression from as far as I can remember,I’ve dealt with bizarre thoughts in the past ,such as intrusive thoughts.I remember reading something about an high profile person getting caught up in cp and that made me start thinking about should I watch cp?.what is cp?.but I quickly realized that is something I didn’t want. To do and it was wrong .I’ve been watching porn since I was 11.it was normal porn but over the years I started watching different types But I have never watched CP.and don’t want to.i have never looked or touched an child sexually or thought about them in that way.I love kids I’ve always dreamed of being a mother,but sometimes I used to be nervous of the future like would I be a great mom or what if I abuse my child ?.different things .but fast forward when I used to masturbate I always think of celebrities who are 17,18 who are attractive but I never thought it was an problem because I would think it would be fantasy and that I wouldn’t actually do it in real life .and I have been doing this for 2 years now .but I noticed that when I’m near my god kids I start having thoughts like what if I touch him ? Or should I touch him but I always dismiss it and move on and feel bad afterwards because I have never thought about any kids that way.so fast forward a month after I masterbated .I was watching a documentary or something and it triggered me thinking I was an p and I start feeling guilty of all the things I’ve masterbated too and I have thought some stuff I’m not proud of .but it was like it was sudden and I couldn’t sleep And it was like it just kept replaying in my head to the point I started crying and overtime it subsided but I keep having these thoughts convincing myself I’m a p and yesterday I was near my godson and a thought popped in my head saying touch him touch him it was like an urge.but I resisted and I feel so bad because i love kids and now I don’t want to have any and I feel like killing myself I don’t know where these thoughts came from all of a sudden and why I couldn’t fight them off .I came across a photo of a preteen girl and while I was looking at the photo a thought popped in saying picture her in a bra and I immediately got disgusted and scared.I’m just on autopilot I’ve been googling and googling and just don’t know what to think .I’m just tired I’m just on the brink of tears and killing my self because I can’t accept that I’m this way .I’m so scared I don’t even want to leave the house or anything I was fine couple weeks ago now i don’t know who or what I’m doing I don’t have anyone to talk to I’m scared .it seems to be not as intense as it first was a Month ,but it still stays in the back of my mind ,I get urges seems real and want Me to do things I’m fighting,and it seems like my attraction to normal ppl have faded I’m having dreams about this situation,it seems I have arousal and when I have these thoughts I just want to cry because I don’t know how I got to this point.every time I see an photo of a kid I get an feeling in my stomach and I kinda get sick and my heart starts to race ,I keep googling signs of a p and now it seems I have moved on too teens I’m just to The point where I want to kill Myself,I don’t know what to do any more,I love children I’ve always wanted an family of my own but now not anymore.I’m stressed out and it seems to be all I think about is that I’m a p ,I can’t wake up Without worrying about ,it’s from The time I go to sleep to The time I wake up,I don’t know
Hi everyone,this is my first time here(Female),I was kind of skeptical at the beginning,this post will probably be long and I apologize for it,I’ll try to cut the chase as much as I can, So since I was 9 I had OCD,my first intrusive thought was about harming my self and it was extremely traumatizing for a child of that age,not to mention I went trough some other kind of traumas like the fact that I was sexually molested as a kid various times by the same person and really never talked about until i became an adult I kinda got a bit over it,of course with out realizing that it would become one of triggers with ocd and one of my biggest fears of becoming one (Pedo) along with Harm OCD,I started struggling with POCD 6 years ago,it has been a struggle like no other,I have a niece who I would avoid left and right,I also have nephew and I would also avoid him but for some reason it was mainly my niece for some reason,my toughts would get the best of me for days that turn into months and months into years that I would eventually do something totally inappropriate to harm her,at some point that toughts went away and I would feel great being around her and my other nephews,last year I started going trough some other kind of stuff in my life which made fall into deep drinking and smoking weed,this year i unfortunately had a very bad episode as an a couple of months now,where I was in a very dark place with my self and I was totally intoxicated from both substances,that night my niece spend the night at my house,I was super scared because my toughts triggered at 100 + times! It was the craziest trip ever in my life! I didn’t even wanted to enter my room knowing she was there and that I could totally do something inappropriate to her or that could harm her and more because my toughts wouldn’t stop triggering me telling me”do it! You know you want to do a compulsion on her,eventually your gonna do it one day” All kind of nasty scary intrusive thoughts crossed my mind,at one point I could tell the difference of an event that I would consider a hallucination,and I got into bed totally freaked out about it because at that point my mind cannot tell the difference of if I did or not acted on the thought,I can’t really recall much of that night I only somewhat remember getting up from bed(if it was even real) and getting close to her,that’s where my mind turn blank,I don’t know if it was because I went to shock,either my memory suppressed or in reality nothing happened,I totally blacked out and only remember bit to pieces and one of those was when she worked up totally freaked out! Asking for my sister and I told her she wasent here and she just went back to bed,that made me freaked out even more thinking “did I do something to her and can’t recall that moment cause I’m blacking out ?!” And then my next thought was”omg I did do something to her!” All that night I remember going to bed with an extreme anxiety,Hangxiety and extreme paranoia,I was in sweat and all night just thinking “she’s gonna say I did something to her,if I did something to her she’s totally going to say it!” Next morning she woke up just fine like nothing when I’m the one suffering in guilt and disgusted of my self and extreme fear to the point I been wanting to harm my own self because I can’t bare with the idea that I did something to her! I had to vent to a couple of family member and a few of my friends,everyone keeps telling me that out of logic if I “would’ve acted on the tought” she would’ve felt something or woke up but I’m not convinced at all by that,what if she was deep asleep and didn’t feel anything,what if I did do something and I just don’t want to accept it!? My worst fear has become my nightmare alive! Please help ! Has anyone experience this of any kind,I don’t judge I just want to be helped
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