- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
And the anxiety when I talk to girls!!! Oh my god. Like it feels horrible and I’m shaky and anxious but my brain is like!!! This is crush butterflies!! And ahhhh it’s like before I’m even realizing it I’m thinking of oh if she asked me out would I say yes? Could I live with her? Do I think she’s cute? Do I have a crush on her?? And my thoughts go so fast that it isn’t until then that my anxiety kicks in bc I’m like why did I think that?? And boom. Checks. Rumination. Reassurance. It just feels so bad!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Wow, I could relate to everything that you said. I have HOCD AND TOCD, which means I also obsess over my gender identity. I too have had crushed on fictional male characters and celebrities, and yes it did feel safer. I ended up wondering whether I am a lesbian but still it does not feel right. The logic behind the hypothesis makes sense but the emotional response doesn’t seem to agree. It’s exhausting. I also started having a crush on a guy and hated myself for it, couldn’t say exactly why at first but then I realized how incredibly fragile I am with regards to male rejection. Anyway... just wanted to tell you that you’re definitely not alone. I understand everything you said.
- Date posted
- 4y
I have TOCD too!! It’s quiet right now but It looooves to point out that I shipped a lot of male characters together 🙄 I totally feel the bit about the logic making sense but the emotional reaction just being off and bad in general. It’s so exhausting. Like I want to like them so badly but I have maaaaaajor trust issues so even if I found a guy attractive thinking of being emotionally involved with someone like that scares me and is my OCD’s favourite food. I’m glad I’m not alone!! You aren’t either. I support you and your recovery!! I believe that we can one day move past this and feel comfortable in our skin again ☺️
- Date posted
- 4y
I just blocked someone who was asking me triggering questions about whether or not it was truly me or OCD making me questioning my sexuality, and now my HOCD makes me think that I’m proving him right and that I’m gay/bisexual in denial, and Also it’s like I have no anxiety anymore, like I’ve actually turned gay/ bisexual or that I’ve been in denial this entire time. I’m also stressed out because I keep getting false attractions and intrusive feelings to men with no anxiety, but I’m just basically accepting and agreeing with the thoughts as a part of my self ERP but my HOCD makes me think that I’ve been gay/bisexual in denial all along.
- Date posted
- 4y
My guy I’ve seen your posts and listen, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over and you really need to stop, because obviously it’s not helping you at all. So you blocked someone! Why do you keep bringing it up? Wash your hands of it. If you want to keep them blocked it’s fine, but you need to learn how to take a step back. In one way or another we’re all going through the same thing. But you gotta practice mindfulness. It’s not gonna click until you just let yourself feel it without compulsively posting on this app every 15 minutes. Its doing you more harm than good at this point. We’re all in this together, but no one is your personal therapist. You need to learn how to help yourself, that’s like 80% of the work. Finding a specialist is the other 20%. Are you actually scared of being gay/bi? Because I’m pretty sure I have HOCD, but I’m not like... afraid of same sex attraction. I don’t want it but it’s nothing to be afraid about. If you don’t want it, you don’t want it. But you gotta take the fear out of it first, otherwise you won’t get better. We’re all worried for you man. Get some help, work through a self directed program, do SOMETHING to help yourself. ERP is the behavioural part of the therapy, but you need to start the cognitive part too. I’m wishing you the best.
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi Again, we all are worried for you. We just wanna see you get better, but you have to lean into the fear too.
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi I’m scared of same sex attraction, because it’s not who I am. It’s not my identity. I also can’t afford therapy or medication, which is why YouTube videos, this forum, and others are the only source of therapy for me. Knowing I’m not alone and shit. I’m doing ERP as of this moment. It’s been hard because the HOCD comes back in waves. I try to let the thoughts and shit be there but it continuously escalates in intensity and vividness.
- Date posted
- 4y
@SOOCD I don’t have money either bruv and I’m using the same tools. Same sex attraction isn’t who I am either. It doesn’t make me feel particularly great. This forum definitely helps in feeling not alone but you have to understand that the way you’re posting isn’t healthy either. I know how this gig works, I go through it too, but at the end of the day you need to you need to learn to let them in without ruminating. Accepting the thoughts and then coming here and posting about how you can’t accept the thoughts is not productive at all, and you’re probably cancelling out the work you’re putting into it. The thoughts don’t matter. Stop making them matter so much. Doing ERP without knowing how to let yourself just be isn’t going to help much. I’m sorry that you’re going through it right now, but try some mindfulness. It’s gonna take some time but be patient with yourself and know your brain is just trying to be helpful. Again, I wish you the best.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 16w
Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭
- Perfectionism OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- OCD newbies
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
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