So I was doing an exposure and I think I finally nailed down the exact obsession even though it takes on different forms. I was in a toxic relationship in the past so I fear that since I still struggle at times to make sure I don’t fall into any bad habits I formed that it will cause something bad. The biggest one is that I fear being attracted to or wanting to date other people. One of them is my toxic ex so I just fear that he will try to inch his way back into my life and I’ll lose control in some way. The fact that that is something that *could* happen theoretically is terrifying and creates a lot of confusing compulsions.

I think you should write out a full script of your fear coming true (taking your writing example from sentences to a full story.) Write it in first person, present tense (ie “I see my ex from across the room and know immediately that I’m attracted to him, so I decide to...”) make it about one page hand written. Really go for the worst case scenario. Read it every day 10x a day for a week. If you’re still very anxious reading it, make it two weeks.

I have a really similar worry about my sort-of-ex (confusing friendship where we were both pretty clearly in love for years but pretended not to be because religion, recipe for toxicity). I keep thinking she’ll show up in my life somehow. Today at the farmer’s market I saw someone who looked like her and freaked out inside, and when I had a security breach on social media I couldn’t stop thinking it might have been her. It’s exhausting.

Sorry, that wasn’t exactly a response to your request, I’m just really struggling with this and it spilt on your post!

Exposures I’ve been trying to do for this is trying to remember past memories or write things down that are like “you’re actually super attracted to your ex and you want to actually be with him.” I also have been reading stuff about “hovering” without trying to find stuff to prevent it. If anyone else has had a similar obsession I would love to hear more ERP suggestions.