So I was doing an exposure and I think I finally nailed down the exact obsession even though it takes on different forms. I was in a toxic relationship in the past so I fear that since I still struggle at times to make sure I don’t fall into any bad habits I formed that it will cause something bad. The biggest one is that I fear being attracted to or wanting to date other people. One of them is my toxic ex so I just fear that he will try to inch his way back into my life and I’ll lose control in some way. The fact that that is something that *could* happen theoretically is terrifying and creates a lot of confusing compulsions.

Im in a relationship for 4 years, but i had been in contact with my ex a few times. WORSE DECISION, after confessing i developed ocd. Different themes, i literally quit my previous job because i believed that i was going to fall in love with just anyone from there, female, male, kid etc. It was very difficult, but that theme is not loud anymore. I noticed how my ocd attached to the mistakes i made, and now is torturing me by reminding me every day with hard evidence i dont love my partner, or love songs remind me of my ex. Almost as if i see him everywhere, there are days that my bf says something and my mind tells me oh it sounds like your ex, or if i see my ex in him, its so weird, next year we planned a trip, same country/neighborhood where i met my ex, i feel like going back to where i met him might trigger my anxiety. How do i get rid of these ex thoughts, i dont want to be with my ex. I just want to erase these thoughts and everything is annoying me

So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?

I’m in a relationship, 8 months now, and my narcissistic (diagnosed) ex and I had broken up about 6 months prior. We would sometimes drunk call each other but that’s about it. Anyhow, my current boyfriend is everything I could ask for. He treats me better than my ex ever could and I love everything about him. I randomly got a feeling about my ex the other day and hyper-fixated on it. I know continue questioning if I still have feelings for my ex even though I know I don’t at all and want nothing more than my current boyfriend. I don’t want reassurance because I know that won’t help, I just want to know if anyone else has ever had this OCD obsession of convincing themselves they want a toxic ex or just an ex back while with someone else? Most of my OCD obsessions are so obnoxious I’d know they couldn’t be true, but this one, while still obnoxious, isn’t as crazy as the others but it hurts 10 times more.