I hade a intrusive thought when I was half asleep but I can’t remember what it was and I feel like I’m trying to know what it was so I don’t feel like a bad person incase it was something bad because sometimes there really intense any tips to stop trying to find out what it would be

I had an awful intrusive thought/half-dream (I was in the weird place between awake and sleeping lol.) and it actually started off fine but then my brain said “this is a child” and I literally panicked. I was kind of aroused when it started and I feel so guilty about it. I know the body responds to what is “sexually relevant” but it’s such a scary, awful, disgusting feeling, I feel like a terrible person for having this come into my head. Like I secretly want it

I’m o.o Okay. So if y’all have followed my posts, you might know I have this weird form of harm ocd consisting of slurs of any kind. So, I was asleep right. And reminder: I’m on prozac and from what I’ve seen vivid dreams are a side effect I think. So, I’m asleep. But then I remember thinking those thoughts almost intentionally but when I tried to stop them they came out at rapid fire. I woke up from that sleep cycle and figured that that was probably because my intrusive thoughts repeating while I’m sleeping was common for me. Except, this happened again right before waking up. And I was frightened, not by the slur itself, but by this fear that I intentionally thought that. After some rumination I’m almost sure that this was both dreams but I seriously don’t know, and if it turns out it was actually Me thinking that I’m gonna feel fucking terrible. Tl;dr idk if I intentionally thought an intrusive thought and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

does any one else have an intrusive thought and you go over it in your head and try to see if you react in a good or bad way? i’ve been having bad intrusive thoughts but i sometimes have this feeling inside that i like it? and i feel it’s right and i agree inside but my other thoughts are saying no i hate it ?!