- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey, sorry to hear about your morning. I'm close to your age but I'm a year older. I have HOCD as well and it's terrible. Hope Christmas goes well and don't worry that your ocd doesn't match up completely with others. Every case is different in every way so try not to stress about it
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. It’s comforting to talk to someone around my age who understands. I hope things are going ok for you too.
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm still pulling for you young lady. I'm glad to have "met" you this year ☺.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Whenever I’m feeling upset one of your funny YouTube video suggestions will show up on my feed and make me smile 😊 it means a lot to know that there are people who really care. I really appreciate you :)
- Date posted
- 4y
i’m a year older than you and i understand exactly what you’re going through. i’m so sorry about your morning, i know how hard mornings can be ;(. just remember what a wonderful person you are and i saw in the comments that you said you can’t do therapy, there are books online that show how to do self erp and tools here! don’t let the intrusive thoughts ruin your christmas day, keep fighting. 💞
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. I know putting a time limit on recovery was wrong but I guess I ignored it because I hoped I’d magically be better by Christmas. I used to love it so much because I got to see family and I just loved the atmosphere but I’m scared it won’t be the same. I’ll definitely try not to let it ruin my Christmas though. It’s ruined so many other things for me so I’m determined to get through it. I hope you’re doing ok too. I’m going to try and find some self erp to do but I think I’ll wait till after Christmas because I don’t want any anxiety tbh. Means a lot that you replied so thank you.
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel you! I've basically had the obsessive thought of "what if I don't have OCD" because other people's experiences were worse. Just know that it's different for everyone. I've realized that putting time limits on your recovery isn't going to help you feel any better. It's just going to create more anxiety to magically have it resolved by a certain time. Took me a long time to realize that. If you can somehow make peace with the uncertainty, you'll be a lot better equipped to deal with it. It's all about the mentality. And it's okay if you're not on your A-game everyday. Most of us aren't on most days. You're probably doing a lot better job at dealing with this than most, since you've been doing good, so nice job! just trust in the process. it'll come with time.
- Date posted
- 4y
You’re right! I know the time limit was unrealistic but a small part of me hoped this would all be over :( I’ll definitely try to accept the uncertainty and I’m going to start self erp after Christmas (I don’t want the anxiety tomorrow or Christmas Day so I’ll start after) but going through this really has made me realise that I’m quite good at handling things on my own. I guess just about the only benefit of ocd is the strength that we build up from fighting every day. I hope you’re doing ok too and thank you so much for responding, it’s given me a little hope.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Clementine Of course! You got this! What's really helped me is seeing the joy in little things instead of obsessing about being over this. It's okay to struggle and we're always trying to work through it. But find joy in something in your life (what you enjoy to do, spending time with your friends and family, etc.) and it'll be a million times easier to deal with. You'll be less terrified of ERP if you're occupying your time w/ something you love in the meantime. Merry Christmas!
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey thanks for sharing your story, I can understand what you’re going through. Although there are different types of ocd themes, they are all the same in the symptoms they cause and the treatment that beats it. Erp. Christmas is an important day because we share it with family and the love is felt. I suggest you to refocus your attention on what Christmas means to you. Zoom out of the intrusive thoughts, ocd is a coward and will use anything against you, guilt doubt words pictures, don’t let it shake you and rob you of the blessings you already have. God loves you now this very moment as you are and not for who you think you should be. God knows what ocd is like and He wants you to be happy and enjoy your family. I suggest looking for therapy if you’re not already on therapy, accept your ocd, accept that we don’t create nor control our thoughts we just control how we see them or react to them. I recovered from ocd thank God but it was tough, there was times I doubt I had ocd, many times I cried thinking I was the worst person and that no one could understand me,but that was just ocd trying to trap me. Therapy saved me and you will also be saved. May this Christmas bring you the change you need and may the Lord grant you the tools and faith to overcome this disorder. You’re in my prayers and I know that you will have a beautiful night tomorrow and on Christmas Day! Blessings!
- Date posted
- 4y
Wow this made me smile for the first time today. Thank you so much for your lovely words. I just want my focus to be on family because Christmas will probably be the only opportunity to see them for a while (the UK hasn’t dealt with COVID very well and I think there’s going to be a lockdown after Christmas so I want to make the most of seeing them). I’m just upset that I was doing ok until today but I’m feeling a little less overwhelmed now. I’m not able to get therapy at the moment so I’m trying to manage my hocd by myself :( thank you again for this!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I posted yesterday that I was feeling better than usual, now I’m not. I knew it could happen that I start to feel bad again. I’ve been feeling like this is the worst it’s been so far but that can’t be true because nothing has changed I’m always afraid of doing something bad, have done something bad, or are capable of doing something bad. I posted a TW on this post just in case. My main thing is I’m afraid of being a certain kind of bad person. I won’t mention it I know people will understand probably who I mean. I know it’s an OCD type, and I’ve been looking up different instances of people with this same subtype and sometimes I find someone in my same situation and I feel relief, for a moment at least. But then I think I might be different. I’m seeing my therapist Friday, and I’m always nervous talking to them because I want to not sound like I’m crazy. Sometimes I’m like you must’ve done something bad to feel this way or, you’re a bad person and should feel bad. There’s so much I wish I could do to help with this. I fall back into a spiral anytime I feel better because I feel like why would I feel good now if I wasn’t before. Sorry for the rant everyone. I just feel bad now and I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again. Hopefully someone else has felt or feels the same. I want to not feel like this, I wish I could go back to when I was young and undiagnosed to get the correct diagnosis early. I feel like my meds aren’t helping anymore which is concerning because like my anxiety should be gone right? Idk, and idk why I have felt really good recently but now after spiraling I’m back at it. Sometimes I’m worried it’s not ocd even though I have plenty of signs AND was officially diagnosed. Again sorry for the long post, just needed to air out how I felt
- Date posted
- 11w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
- Date posted
- 9w
It’s getting so bad I think I’ve been dealing with scrupulosity but I’m always doubting if it’s actually ocd or if I’m just telling myself that as a excuse for being a “bad Christian”. It’s not only that, it’s everything I have had ocd thought loops in the past but they’ve been so unbearable lately and once one goes away another one starts. It’s been really focused on making me feel liek everything is my fault and I don’t know how to stop that when it actually could be. Then there’s this guy we were talking and he was telling me what he needed out of a relationship and asked me to tell him the same and now I’m so scared I’m gonna ruin something he said trust is really important to him. I was taking to one of our shared friends about us and I’m scared I said something he wouldn’t wanted me to say and that he’s not going to trust me now and I keep thinking about how I really should not have talked to her and it’s killing me. I’m also scared that I’m not gonna tell him something that happened in the past because I don’t think it’s important and he’s going to find out and be mad I feel like rocd is ruining my relationship that’s not even a relationship yet. I just keep thinking through all the different scenarios how I could ruin us up or it could work and I promise myself it will be the last time I think about it and it never is and it’s just constant from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep and then I think maybe Gods just trying to warn me but I’m so exhausted or being this anxious because that doesn’t seem like Him but then maybe it is and I’m just trying to get what I want. I want to ask for help so bad but every time I do it feels like there really isn’t anything wrong and I don’t actually have any ocd. I don’t want to talk to my family about it, when it’s come up before they either make rude comments or make fun of me for it they really just don’t understand and I don’t know what to do anymore. sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s worth getting better tbh. Thank you for reading it all if you did :)
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