I really want somewhere to vent so this might take some time to read, sorry. I’ve had an awful morning. It feels like I’ve gone back a step in recovery because I’m feeling the same way I felt a couple months ago when my hocd was at its worst. I had completely convinced myself that I’d be better for Christmas (which I know is wrong to do but I couldn’t help it- I got through some difficult times by telling myself that). I’ve got family coming round tomorrow so we can celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I’m scared I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel the same as I do today. This times last year I was perfectly fine and it’s depressing knowing that I’ll never be free of this again (I’m only 15 so having to face the rest of my life with ocd, especially hocd, horrifies me). I feel utterly trapped and hopeless as well as being convinced my intrusive thoughts are true because my ocd doesn’t seem as bad as everyone else’s. Yesterday I was doing so much better and now I’m a mess but for some reason it still doesn’t feel like I have ocd and this is all one big denial. I’m not sure what I expect anyone to say but I just felt the need to tell someone since nobody in my life knows what I’m going through right now. I just want to be ok for Christmas because I haven’t seen my family in a while. This is all so overwhelmingly isolating:(

Hey, sorry to hear about your morning. I'm close to your age but I'm a year older. I have HOCD as well and it's terrible. Hope Christmas goes well and don't worry that your ocd doesn't match up completely with others. Every case is different in every way so try not to stress about it

I'm still pulling for you young lady. I'm glad to have "met" you this year ☺.

i’m a year older than you and i understand exactly what you’re going through. i’m so sorry about your morning, i know how hard mornings can be ;(. just remember what a wonderful person you are and i saw in the comments that you said you can’t do therapy, there are books online that show how to do self erp and tools here! don’t let the intrusive thoughts ruin your christmas day, keep fighting. 💞

I feel you! I've basically had the obsessive thought of "what if I don't have OCD" because other people's experiences were worse. Just know that it's different for everyone. I've realized that putting time limits on your recovery isn't going to help you feel any better. It's just going to create more anxiety to magically have it resolved by a certain time. Took me a long time to realize that. If you can somehow make peace with the uncertainty, you'll be a lot better equipped to deal with it. It's all about the mentality. And it's okay if you're not on your A-game everyday. Most of us aren't on most days. You're probably doing a lot better job at dealing with this than most, since you've been doing good, so nice job! just trust in the process. it'll come with time.

Hey thanks for sharing your story, I can understand what you’re going through. Although there are different types of ocd themes, they are all the same in the symptoms they cause and the treatment that beats it. Erp. Christmas is an important day because we share it with family and the love is felt. I suggest you to refocus your attention on what Christmas means to you. Zoom out of the intrusive thoughts, ocd is a coward and will use anything against you, guilt doubt words pictures, don’t let it shake you and rob you of the blessings you already have. God loves you now this very moment as you are and not for who you think you should be. God knows what ocd is like and He wants you to be happy and enjoy your family. I suggest looking for therapy if you’re not already on therapy, accept your ocd, accept that we don’t create nor control our thoughts we just control how we see them or react to them. I recovered from ocd thank God but it was tough, there was times I doubt I had ocd, many times I cried thinking I was the worst person and that no one could understand me,but that was just ocd trying to trap me. Therapy saved me and you will also be saved. May this Christmas bring you the change you need and may the Lord grant you the tools and faith to overcome this disorder. You’re in my prayers and I know that you will have a beautiful night tomorrow and on Christmas Day! Blessings!