- Username
- lolashewas
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This might be true for some people and might be untrue for others. Who knows, but who cares🤷🏽♂️. You aren’t in those peoples lives or thoughts so we can never get a 100% answer. We all have to get to a point where we can read other people’s posts and it does not cause anxiety or make us ruminate. This could be a really good exposure for you to start working on! If I would have read this two weeks ago. You probably would have given me really bad anxiety and made me second guess myself , but reading it today it really did nothing.
Good for you! I wish I was at your spot in my recovery! I need to calm down, this did freak me out. I have had people comment and say maybe you’re bi and that has made it all the worse for my recovery.
@wellwellwell Honestly it just depends on the day. Let these posts freak you out, but sit with it until it goes down at least half way. Maybe you are bi, but maybe not (I am not trying to trigger you). WHO CARES. You have to work on accepting the uncertainty of all of it. I don’t know half the time myself.
@Anonymous I know, and I’m trying. But I’m married and leading on a man you married terrifies me. I’m so close to him that the thought of deceiving both him and myself is just so horrifying
@wellwellwell I do not want to reassure you and provide you relief, but everything you’re saying is what it’s like having HOCD. HOCD and ROCD come hand and hand.
@Anonymous I know, but unlike other people on here I respond more to sexual images of women vs men. I don’t know if it’s just from looking at porn when I was little or what but it’s terrifying. It truly is. And seeing people say they don’t think everyone on here has HOCD is even worse
I am a heterosexual man and I am feel like I respond to more sexual images of men (which I HATE). I was addicted to porn as well and it really messed me up. I have stopped watching porn for about three months now and it was helped me with the intrusive images. I also get UNWANTED groinal reponses, which are shitty. I have felt like my attraction for women isn’t as strong or even there half the time. Not everyone’s HOCD is the exact same. We are all different people and just because you don’t have the EXACT feelings or stories of other people does not mean you have OCD. Your brain does not know your sexual orientation BTW. Sometimes your brain just likes the rush of something taboo.
Wow, yeah that sounds almost exactly like what I’m going through. I don’t understand this. I don’t want it at all and it makes me cry and I love men but I just can’t let it go
@wellwellwell Have you been in a relationship with HOCD? I want to find a way to be happy even with this
@wellwellwell I don’t even know if it’s about “letting go”. It’s more of accepting the thoughts and nothing more than just thoughts. I used to try A LOT because of it. But my therapist told me I’m giving my thoughts a lot of weight. Think of it as a train that’s passing you by with thoughts. Let the train pass by, but don’t actually hop on it. Don’t be hard on yourself for having these thoughts. Be more kind to yourself. If one of your friends came to you with the same issue, would you be hard on your friend or kind? I’m sure the answer is kind , so be more kind to yourself.
I struggle with this theme, and I also have had those same thoughts. OCD will latch onto anything!!! Especially about your theme and anything that could create any bit of doubt about it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. We can get through it!
I have this problem too. I genuinely believe people read what I wrote and think I’m actually gay. And to be honest I wouldn’t blame them.
I’m the person who you commented on their post and asked if I was bi because I’m turned on by naked women more than naked men😞 so this sucks but I’m trying really hard. I’m married
@wellwellwell i don’t think you’re bi, i really don’t i know that’s reassurance but I don’t.
@lolashewas None of this is your fault, I have been letting my ocd go unchecked. You’re fine, I want you to fight your ocd too! I let a bad thought turn into a bad day. I hope you’re feeling better❤️
It’s ridiculous how much people discussing HOCD bothers me. I know it’s a form of OCD, which I understand is out of the person’s control. I know mental illness is not a choice. I have OCD, so I get it. I get invasive thoughts about being hetero, so it makes sense that it works the other way too. I know the people who have HOCD aren’t necessarily homophobic. It does kind of make me feel like my sexuality is a worst case scenario, though. I can’t help but think “people are as afraid of being like me, as I am of heart attacks”. Idk. It just almost feels like people are saying “oh no what if I’m gay” “don’t worry, you’re straight. You’re okay because you’re straight” (which I know isn’t the case). It could just be because of the lack of positivity I’ve seen surrounding the queer community lately, though. I’m not trying to call out or invalidate people with HOCD though, I know it’s something that they don’t enjoy, and it’s something they suffer with just as much as I suffer with my OCD. Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest
I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?
A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.
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