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- 4y
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- 4y
Just remember you are not alone in this! There are many who have felt or feel the same way (Like I was just having these exact thoughts). I struggle with the feelings of discomfort going with uncertainty and living my life, it makes me feel like I’m lying, constantly feeling like I know I’m gay and wasting my bf’s time, but I’m still going towards my values even through all the doubt and discomfort. We just have to keep pushing towards uncertainty, not figuring it out, and even accepting that they are there.
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- 4y
Yeah seriously my biggest fears are totally hurting my husband or never getting to experience a fulfilling relationship with him! Thanks for your response, this is just so sucky
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- 4y
@maybethistime Same, I think my core fear is living a lie and mainly leaving my boyfriend since we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Ocd attacks my relationship a lot too and my fears tend to always go back to me “having to leave him”
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- 4y
@Corie Same here! I get bad cheating ocd about that too
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- 4y
It’s just getting worse like I feel like I would be aroused by touching a woman’s breasts bc I get a response down there but it makes me so uncomfortable and sad
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- 4y
Just have to sit with the discomfort, not reassure, check, or test! It’s all very uncomfortable and convincing but we can all persevere.
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- 4y
@Corie You’re right, once the checking starts it just gets insane. I keep thinking up these weird scenarios and feeling like I’m aroused it’s a mess. Thank you for the encouragement
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- 4y
Even when I get arousal from lesbians or girls it just makes me more sad than anxious, although that tends to come a bit later, like it’s the “inevitable truth I have to accept.” Some days I can accept that I was aroused and other days are harder. As long as we make progress in the right direction, it can get better.
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@Corie I just hate black and white thinking with OCD, I just feel like this can’t be true and I can’t also love my husband. I get sad too, like I’ll have to leave him and I’m in denial
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- 4y
@maybethistime It is very black and white thinking, that’s why OCD is what it is
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- 4y
I am currently panicking about this. I think (I’m not sure if it’s true or not) I thought 5-6 years ago I was aroused by my friend. But at the time I had no idea what being aroused meant or was like? And I don’t remember thinking anything of it. And today I have suddenly thought of it again and I’m panicking that I was turned on and I’m thinking it meant something that I also always knew but denied or something? But I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to women or my best friend ... but now I feel like I can’t even be friends with her and I just want to die
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- 4y
People can be aroused by all sorts of things, but it doesn’t mean they would actually want to do it themselves. Sexuality tends to be fluid so try not to overanalyze past arousal. I know it’s easier said than done. You are not alone <3
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- 4y
Wow we are all experiencing the same exact thing guys
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I’m struggling badly. I did something about a month ago which I now realize was probably testing, but what scares me is I feel like I liked it, which is horrifying. What’s even worse though, is after I did it, I was able to brush it off quickly and not be too bothered by it, as I was still very anxious on other thoughts I was experiencing. Now those thoughts are meaningless and THIS is what’s causing tremendous anxiety, but the fact that I didn’t feel anxiety about it after I did it seals the deal for me. I mean, did feel anxious and guilty after I did it, but I was able to dismiss it somewhat quickly, and I remember that memory came up a couple of times within the month after I did it but like I said, it hasn’t too hard to dismiss it. I really feel like it’s denial. The fact that I wasn’t that anxious about it and tried to justify it/dismiss it HAS to mean it’s been denial all this time, there just no way this is OCD :( Right now I’m anxious about the fact that I might’ve liked it AND the fact that I wasn’t anxious about it for a while. It is really just a torment to ruminate on, and I would never do that thing again, but the fact that I did it and felt like I liked it is beyond terrifying. I feel like I have proof now, I’m trying to figure out why I did it and what it meant, and why I wasn’t super anxious the following weeks after, I mean it WAS uncomfortable to think back on, but I feel like the fact I wasn’t super anxious about it means I was in denial or repressing my true self. I am so so scared. I’ve been worried about this for the past week and a half :( (This is all centered on the same theme btw.)
- Date posted
- 17w
I watched the trailer for the movie “Am I Ok?” and got completely triggered. Basically a 32 yo woman discovers she’s a lesbian seemingly out of nowhere. I was triggers and did some research (bad idea) and apparently some people who are gay have never had romantic or sexual interest in people of the same sex until one spontaneous moment of discovery. Now I’m worried that this could be me!! I’ve never had a long term relationship, have had crushes and fantasies but back out when things get too close for me. I do prefer my little fantasy world guy but now I’m wondering if maybe I missed something and am in denial, even if I didn’t know it.
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- 17w
I had a bad rumination spiral yesterday and went to bed hoping I’d start over in the morning. I was wrong. I had dreams about liking women and not being attracted to men anymore and my entire body has been in a state of anxiety since. I genuinely feel like I’m gay and just need to accept it. I have this urge to accept it. Maybe if I do I’ll get some sort of relief because this feeling is awful. I feel like my brain is telling me that I’ll get relief if I just accept it and come out. The intrusive thoughts don’t even seem to be around sexual images anymore, just to come out.
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