- Username
- holley
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You can have both of these desires and they don’t have to conflict. People who get married don’t spend the rest of their lives never wanting anyone/anything else. But they choose not to pursue those things and to commit to their partners instead. It’s very natural to want to try new things, be curious, and have fantasies while also being a commited spouse.
but would that mean i’m bisexual? like not for reassurance i’m just asking wouldn’t that mean that that DOES mean something? or are you saying the exact opposite.
@holley It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe it means you’re bi. Or maybe it means you’re just open to new experiences and curious. It’s not a litmus test!
Ocd can be very confusing! It has made me so confused and fearful of all kinds of things before. Try to accept the uncertainty and move on.
Easier said than done I know but its probably the best thing
You keep ruminating about it! That’s not going to help. Enjoy your boyfriend and being with him.
Have you communicated with your boyfriend about OCD? I have tried to tell my ex-S.O's about my OCD and have deeply regretted it because their lack of understanding resulted in a lot of gossip and people actually thinking and talking about how gay I am and how in denial I am. I still struggle with HOCD symptoms and have accepted sexual orientation as a spectrum to some degree, but if I was just gay I would have known it years ago and be out about it. However, I can't blame my ex's for reacting to my seeking reassurance which may have been a bizzare, confusing and unfair experience for them. It is difficult enough to find professional psychogists who are educated about OCD and its many subtypes. I have literally talked to an OCD psychologist with whom I had communicated I was experiencing HOCD, and he asked me if "when watching porn, do you notice men more?" Which is just not a reliable index of assessing actual attraction and led me to think he may not have been knowledgeable about HOCD. Perhaps if you carefully bring the conversation up, maybe using the stories in this app as a reference and research indicating the various subtypes of OCD, you could have this conversation with your SO and he would react with more understanding than my ex's did when I was checking for reassurance without providing any research. It is infuriating how little knowledge people tend to have about OCD, even psychologists, and when there are so many sufferers. Thinking you're gay one day and literally writing "I am gay and in denial and I know it" is not an actual indication of true sexual orientation, but if you talk to people who don't know anything about this, they might cause a lot of unwitting harm or react in a way that is extremely stigmatizing and reflective of their ignorance despite their best intentions.
It is totally possible to be bi or at least "heteroflexible" and still have Sexual Orientation OCD. If you feel comfortable having this conversation with your partner it might be worthwhile, but I would recommend approaching the topic carefully and have some evidence-based resources at hand and a sample of the plethora of anecdotes with people with the same kinds of experiences so he might be less likely to react negatively to something he doesn't understand.
It's pretty common for straight people to have experimented with the same sex once or more than once. However you identify is up to you. Just don't feel compelled to have same sex experimentation to satisfy an OCD obsession to find your "true" sexual orientation, because you may not have any clearer of an answer.
i know i don’t want that now. but in the future idk...
Communication is important so I would really stress trying to communicate with your partner about the possibility of having that attraction or that you are thinking that you might have same sex attraction. This happens to non OCD people too surprisingly commonly but it is distinct with OCD in the sense that it is much more difficult to not feel identified with your thoughts and have distress about it.
God this is hell idek if I have hocd anymore maybe I'm jsut bi and won't admit it but like I don't wanna date women or get with them on anything but I keep thinking that's just cause I have a boyfriend and if I was single I would ughhhhh x
I’m really just starting to believe my thoughts. Being with a girl doesn’t bother me anymore. But does that mean I’m lesbian now?? I’m at a point where I don’t know what I want. I’m still with my boyfriend and I don’t plan on leaving him. But I’m thinking to much right now I’m sweating. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this normal ? To not feel any disgust towards the same sex thoughts? Like if I like it or something. Has anyone gone through this? Please answer I’d appreciate it.
Literally me right now : What if you can fall in love with a girl? What if you don’t feel in love with your boyfriend because you’re actually lesbian? What if you have to break up with him? What if you realize you are in love with your friend? Do you like her? Does your boyfriend look like a girl? Are you happy with him? Can you be happy with a girl instead? What if you’re meant to be with a girl? My stomach feels so sick and twisted I’m so sad honestly. He’s the best thing ever,and I never want to hurt him like I did before when I let my harm thoughts get to me. Now it’s me being lesbian? I really hate myself so damn much. All I ever wanted is to be calm and happy. I found some one great and then this all happens ? Why is my luck so bad. I’m sorry for ranting everyone.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond