- Username
- holley
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You can have both of these desires and they don’t have to conflict. People who get married don’t spend the rest of their lives never wanting anyone/anything else. But they choose not to pursue those things and to commit to their partners instead. It’s very natural to want to try new things, be curious, and have fantasies while also being a commited spouse.
but would that mean i’m bisexual? like not for reassurance i’m just asking wouldn’t that mean that that DOES mean something? or are you saying the exact opposite.
@holley It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe it means you’re bi. Or maybe it means you’re just open to new experiences and curious. It’s not a litmus test!
Ocd can be very confusing! It has made me so confused and fearful of all kinds of things before. Try to accept the uncertainty and move on.
Easier said than done I know but its probably the best thing
You keep ruminating about it! That’s not going to help. Enjoy your boyfriend and being with him.
Have you communicated with your boyfriend about OCD? I have tried to tell my ex-S.O's about my OCD and have deeply regretted it because their lack of understanding resulted in a lot of gossip and people actually thinking and talking about how gay I am and how in denial I am. I still struggle with HOCD symptoms and have accepted sexual orientation as a spectrum to some degree, but if I was just gay I would have known it years ago and be out about it. However, I can't blame my ex's for reacting to my seeking reassurance which may have been a bizzare, confusing and unfair experience for them. It is difficult enough to find professional psychogists who are educated about OCD and its many subtypes. I have literally talked to an OCD psychologist with whom I had communicated I was experiencing HOCD, and he asked me if "when watching porn, do you notice men more?" Which is just not a reliable index of assessing actual attraction and led me to think he may not have been knowledgeable about HOCD. Perhaps if you carefully bring the conversation up, maybe using the stories in this app as a reference and research indicating the various subtypes of OCD, you could have this conversation with your SO and he would react with more understanding than my ex's did when I was checking for reassurance without providing any research. It is infuriating how little knowledge people tend to have about OCD, even psychologists, and when there are so many sufferers. Thinking you're gay one day and literally writing "I am gay and in denial and I know it" is not an actual indication of true sexual orientation, but if you talk to people who don't know anything about this, they might cause a lot of unwitting harm or react in a way that is extremely stigmatizing and reflective of their ignorance despite their best intentions.
It is totally possible to be bi or at least "heteroflexible" and still have Sexual Orientation OCD. If you feel comfortable having this conversation with your partner it might be worthwhile, but I would recommend approaching the topic carefully and have some evidence-based resources at hand and a sample of the plethora of anecdotes with people with the same kinds of experiences so he might be less likely to react negatively to something he doesn't understand.
It's pretty common for straight people to have experimented with the same sex once or more than once. However you identify is up to you. Just don't feel compelled to have same sex experimentation to satisfy an OCD obsession to find your "true" sexual orientation, because you may not have any clearer of an answer.
i know i don’t want that now. but in the future idk...
Communication is important so I would really stress trying to communicate with your partner about the possibility of having that attraction or that you are thinking that you might have same sex attraction. This happens to non OCD people too surprisingly commonly but it is distinct with OCD in the sense that it is much more difficult to not feel identified with your thoughts and have distress about it.
I can’t imagine myself with a guy. I don’t even know if I want a guy. It’s like I’m convinced I’ll never want a guy. Even though I have, it’s just I feel like I don’t want to be with guys. I don’t even know if I want to be a lesbian or not That was horrible to admit. Well I guess that’s it. It completely sounds like I’m gay now.
just need a place to write, if u read through thanks i appreciate it. my whole life i’ve been a very open minded girl. i started watching porn at a young age as it was shown to me by my friend. i watched all kinds including lesbian porn. it did turn me on ofc and i always found women to have beautiful bodies & they are attractive . they also have turned me on before. however my hearts always belonged to men. and that’s who i truly desire to be with and love and have sex with etc. however i do fantasize about women sometimes & honestly if my boyfriend wanted to have a threesome w another girl i would probably go for it since i am open minded and a very sexual person. always ready to explore new things i haven’t before. however even w that i still don’t think of myself as bisexual or lesbian. like my brain keeps telling me i am but i just don’t think so. the idea of not being in a relationship w a man and trading it to be w a woman makes me upset if that makes sense. like it’s just idk.. and i sometimes feel confused bc i am not disgusted entirely at the idea of being w a woman. i don’t desire it like i desire men. if i happen to think of it sure it might turn me on but i have no desire to go out in search for women. it’s just not for me. idk . reply w ur thoughts if u want i’d appreciate it
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