- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You can have both of these desires and they don’t have to conflict. People who get married don’t spend the rest of their lives never wanting anyone/anything else. But they choose not to pursue those things and to commit to their partners instead. It’s very natural to want to try new things, be curious, and have fantasies while also being a commited spouse.
- Date posted
- 4y
but would that mean i’m bisexual? like not for reassurance i’m just asking wouldn’t that mean that that DOES mean something? or are you saying the exact opposite.
- Date posted
- 4y
@holley It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe it means you’re bi. Or maybe it means you’re just open to new experiences and curious. It’s not a litmus test!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Ocd can be very confusing! It has made me so confused and fearful of all kinds of things before. Try to accept the uncertainty and move on.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Easier said than done I know but its probably the best thing
- Date posted
- 4y
You keep ruminating about it! That’s not going to help. Enjoy your boyfriend and being with him.
- Date posted
- 4y
Have you communicated with your boyfriend about OCD? I have tried to tell my ex-S.O's about my OCD and have deeply regretted it because their lack of understanding resulted in a lot of gossip and people actually thinking and talking about how gay I am and how in denial I am. I still struggle with HOCD symptoms and have accepted sexual orientation as a spectrum to some degree, but if I was just gay I would have known it years ago and be out about it. However, I can't blame my ex's for reacting to my seeking reassurance which may have been a bizzare, confusing and unfair experience for them. It is difficult enough to find professional psychogists who are educated about OCD and its many subtypes. I have literally talked to an OCD psychologist with whom I had communicated I was experiencing HOCD, and he asked me if "when watching porn, do you notice men more?" Which is just not a reliable index of assessing actual attraction and led me to think he may not have been knowledgeable about HOCD. Perhaps if you carefully bring the conversation up, maybe using the stories in this app as a reference and research indicating the various subtypes of OCD, you could have this conversation with your SO and he would react with more understanding than my ex's did when I was checking for reassurance without providing any research. It is infuriating how little knowledge people tend to have about OCD, even psychologists, and when there are so many sufferers. Thinking you're gay one day and literally writing "I am gay and in denial and I know it" is not an actual indication of true sexual orientation, but if you talk to people who don't know anything about this, they might cause a lot of unwitting harm or react in a way that is extremely stigmatizing and reflective of their ignorance despite their best intentions.
- Date posted
- 4y
It is totally possible to be bi or at least "heteroflexible" and still have Sexual Orientation OCD. If you feel comfortable having this conversation with your partner it might be worthwhile, but I would recommend approaching the topic carefully and have some evidence-based resources at hand and a sample of the plethora of anecdotes with people with the same kinds of experiences so he might be less likely to react negatively to something he doesn't understand.
- Date posted
- 4y
It's pretty common for straight people to have experimented with the same sex once or more than once. However you identify is up to you. Just don't feel compelled to have same sex experimentation to satisfy an OCD obsession to find your "true" sexual orientation, because you may not have any clearer of an answer.
- Date posted
- 4y
i know i don’t want that now. but in the future idk...
- Date posted
- 4y
Communication is important so I would really stress trying to communicate with your partner about the possibility of having that attraction or that you are thinking that you might have same sex attraction. This happens to non OCD people too surprisingly commonly but it is distinct with OCD in the sense that it is much more difficult to not feel identified with your thoughts and have distress about it.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 24w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond