I’m scared of the exposures I’m going to be asked to do with NOCD therapy.

Hi everyone. I'm feeling kinda scared because I have to wait a whole month to start ERP therapy, but I feel like I need to start doing exposures now because the longer I wait, the more anxiety I get. It just feels like the OCD monster is getting worse. One thing that helps me is asking one person about an obsession I have...asking a person that I trust, and then doing an exposure after I get the "ok" to do it. I feel like I do need 1 reassurance and then I can go ahead and do it. I know i'm not supposed to ask for reassurance at all, but i dont think you're supposed to do ERP on your own right? Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do while waiting for therapy? PS-the reason there is a wait is bc she's on vacation. After she's back we will meet regularly.

**TW for POCD** I’ve spoken about this a few times before. That urge I had to type in “child porn” into google. I talked to my NOCD therapist today about it. She told me the ERP for it was to type it in. She even did it with me. Obviously nothing but news stories, crime statistics, and photos someone would use for a project showed up. I’ve been so petrified of typing that in there. She wants me to do it every two hours and listen to what OCD will say. I typed it in that way, I typed it out full, and I typed it out with an additional word. I clicked and browsed through all the google tabs. I’m okay, but I can’t stop crying. I’m scared to do it again. She said it’s not likely going to get flagged due to people looking that up for research projects and stuff. I’m just afraid repeatedly searching it up will cause some sort of alert. I feel so scared and full of nerves. I guess that’s what the ERP is supposed to do, but it was so scary. So scary :(

I feel really scared and worried that the therapist I find on NOCD might not be effective, and instead of getting better, I might end up feeling worse. I’m afraid that if I don’t feel any progress, I’ll want to switch therapists, but my mom might get impatient with me. I worry that she’ll lose faith in therapy, stop paying for it, and think it’s a waste of time and money. I know therapy takes time and it’s not a quick fix, but I’m scared that things won’t go the way I hope. What if I don’t connect with the therapist? What if they don’t understand my OCD as well as I need them to? I’ve already been struggling so much, and the thought of going through another disappointment is exhausting. I’m only 14, and I feel stuck because I can’t manage this on my own. I need help, but I also need my mom to stay patient and supportive through this process. I’m scared that if things don’t improve fast enough, she’ll give up on paying for therapy. I don’t know what to do, and it’s making me feel really anxious. I just want to get better, but what if nothing works out?