I’m scared of the exposures I’m going to be asked to do with NOCD therapy.

My NOCD therapist (who has been awesome) and I are both struggling to identify ways in which I can practice exposure therapy while in-session, because the vast majority of my OCD symptoms are mental compulsions. For example: indecision and inability to commit to a choice; seeking reassurance on decisions from friends and family; mental review of things that have just happened / social situations; over-thinking and catastrophizing. I also have some other hallmark symptoms (contamination fears, moral scrupulosity, etc) but those tend to be inconsistent too. It’s hard to really practice these during my sessions because so many are in the moment and fleeting. By the time I join my session they are no longer active. How can we establish exposure responses during my sessions, if most of my OCD involves mental rumination and overthinking patterns/thought loops that only occur “in the moments - rather than specific or consistent compulsions (such as hand washing)?

About the beginning to middle of February I went into the doctor and requested to see a counselor. I’m starting to see a counselor about anxiety in a few days and I’m extremely nervous. I’m nervous my counselor is going to say I have to break up with my bf otherwise I’ll be stuck with ocd for the rest of my life. I’m nervous my counselor is going to think I’m crazy and not know anything about ocd. I’m nervous my counselor is going to tell my aunt how crazy and messed up I am because my aunt works in the clinic I’m going to therapy at, and if she tells my aunt everyone in my family may find out. I’m nervous I’m going to hell because I’m going to counseling and not fully leaning on God instead to fix it all for me. I’m nervous I’m a bad Christian for going to therapy and not believing Jesus is going to fix it all. I’m nervous that my future is ruined because of my mental health. I’m worried that my boyfriend is going to break up with me because I’m too much to handle and too anxious. I’m just scared for my future because of my ocd and because I am not as passionate about my faith as I used to be so I feel like I’m gonna go to hell for that or like my sister is going to die because of her seizures because of my ocd. Idk I’m so scared.

I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.