People in the UK with HOCD: have you been afraid to seek help because you’re worried that your GP won’t understand and neither will a therapist? I really need help, but I’m scared they won’t believe me, esp as I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD before.

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?

I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(

I’ve recently had my meds upped after a really bad spiral / episode and i’m doing a bit better. My mum wanted me to go to the GP, a doctor she really trusts to affirm the dosage is ok, what’s really going on etc. I went to the GP and it was an experience that honestly didn’t sit right with me. I just wanted some community to know if i’m over analysing. I feel like I cannot tell my mum because she trusts this doctor so much. My mum came with me and kind of brought up how I was thinking it could be OCD but the doctor immediately wrote me off and was like it’s definitely not it’s just anxiety and depression and then he brought up how OCD is more like I wouldn’t be able to go through the door without tapping and checking and how he knew a friend with OCD in school and he couldn’t even leave his locker for 30 minutes because he had to keep checking. I 100% know this is OCD and this is what it looks like for some people and how debilitating it is but from what I’ve learnt and researched it’s not JUST that and I don’t really like the way he turned me down without asking what symptoms I have. I also feel like he didn’t have a good grasp on what it really is at its core because yes I don’t physically check but I don’t think it’s crazy that I thought (think?) I might have it (i have obsessive intrusive thoughts, ruminate, mental compulsions and body check). Then he kind of went on to psycho analyse me and ended up asking about personal stuff and kind of blamed all my intrusive thoughts on my relationship with my dad who is estranged, which was awkward and a little insulting. I’m not saying that has no impact on my mental health but it just felt uncomfortable and weird to me. Anyways even if I don’t have OCD, I’m not sure I do, I’m no doctor but I relate to many of you and I know that OCD is not visible in that way for many so it’s sad to think many others will be ignored or brushed off. Does anyone else have any stories of GP’s treating OCD this way ? :((