I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?

As someone who is suffering from POCD which shows some similar symptoms to HOCD, I can tell you that the last sentence is quite triggering and far from the truth. I think there are many reasons people are afraid of being homosexual and it doesn’t directly have to do something with homophobia. Maybe someone who’s been in a relationship with someone from the opposite gender for quite a long time suddenly has the fear of being gay and therefor is afraid of not being able to live their relationship like they used to do. Or someone who believes it‘s a sin develops such a fear. Of course homosexuality should be nothing to fear but sometimes the circumstances are the reason they develop the fear. For e.g. having a family and suddenly questioning your sexuality and kinda your identity is a distress for those people. I believe that homosexuality is equally to heterosexuality but I also understand that believing this and thinking about being homosexual yourself even tho you once was convinced you weren’t is a huge difference. It’s quite hard to explain but I think it has less to do with homophobia and more to do with ones self-perception. Still, some cases might be linked to homophobia but definitely not every case. And no, people who are suffering from this are not in denial. They are afraid they might be and that’s a huge difference. But again, it’s quite hard to explain. Nevertheless I understand that HOCD might offend you but believe me most of the people suffering from it don’t want to offend you at all. It’s just not something they are in control of. We still have to remember that it’s an illness, no matter what topic OCD chose to make you suffer from. I just wish everyone the best and hope they’re getting better, because this illness is an asshole.

I’m a lesbian too melony and it’s definitely hard to for me to understand too. Coming out was difficult but I’m so proud to be gay! I’d definitely like to hear from people who struggle with HOCD to gain more perspective.

@nlnnoaia that was well explained. It’s interesting to hear what others go through. I think I have a better understanding. Thank you!

I have HOCD myself, and I can see your point, I’ve questioned myself during HOCD about whether I’m just homophobic but I doubt it. Before the HOCD took hold, I had a friend who came out as bi on Facebook and I was one of the first people to congratulate him, and I was genuinely happy for him. When HOCD strikes it leaves you questioning your integrity as a person, much like POCD which I also had before. I had never thought about the possibility of me being gay until a few months ago, (I’m 19 now btw), when something or other triggered me to begin having these thoughts, (which I tried to disprove and then ruminated on and the whole ocd cycle started). I could be gay for all I know, and it’s not that I dislike gay people for being gay, more that I am confused and exasperated as to whether I have been lying to myself all these years, and whether I was gay from the start. You start analysing your previous thoughts and making connections, e.g. maybe because I’m more of a creative individual, I must have been gay and not known it all these years, or, maybe the fact that I haven’t been in a relationship yet means I must be gay. Then you try to disprove it based on other past experiences, e.g. I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to women so I can’t have been gay, or, I’ve been in a boys school my whole life and never thought about having sex with a boy so I can’t have been gay. This helps for a few minutes but then the questioning begins over and over again. I can’t judge what you went through when you decided to come out as lesbian and the process of figuring out your sexuality, but from the sounds of it, you are happy with who you are attracted to, and would have liked the thoughts and feelings you had for women (even if you may have berated yourself for them after you had them, when you were discovering your sexuality?) The thoughts of having sex with a man (or women if you are a woman) for HOCD sufferers to do not cause pleasure, although after battling with OCD for a long period of time, you can become somewhat desensitised or even become aroused when you don’t want it, as was the case for POCD. The majority of the population also gets the same thoughts as us OCD sufferers, but they react in a different way, without questioning them. OCD is based on the brain’s uncontrollable desire to be certain, which is how the questioning, e.g. “why did I have that thought?” starts. This is why treatment for any kind of OCD aims not to reassure the sufferer, but to make the comfortable with being uncertain. I could be gay/bisexual, I could be sexually attracted to men/wish to engage in a relationship with a man but the treatment aims to make me comfortable with the possibility that it could be true. It may help for you to actually think about OCD overall, rather than just so called HOCD if it’s easier for you to understand. Any OCD is based on uncertainty, for example, the more well known and stereotyped germ OCD. In order to be able to manage their OCD, people must accept that they may be exposed to a deadly disease from touching a surface without washing their hands, but (when treated so they can manage their symptoms) they can function normally and not need to wash their hands, even when they can’t be certain. Back to HOCD: I or any other HOCD sufferer may indeed be gay, the treatment does not aim to disprove that, it aims to help you function normally and stop doubting yourself to the point where it becomes debilitating. I hope this helps.

I feel like some of it may be internalised homophobia

I should also mention that this is not exclusively for heterosexuals. While straight people make up the majority of cases, this can also happen to gay/lesbian people who obsess that they might be straight, such as in this case: https://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forum/ocd-and-intrusive-thoughts/heterosexual-ocd

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, it’s nice to get some clarity! Either way, we’re all in this together and it never hurts to understand each other better :). Much love ❤️.

That’s what I am wondering.

Well said! I am super proud as well.

Yes, it is homophobic. That's why it's so scary to people who have it. This can happen in families who are truly pro LGBTQ

It certainly does, thank you