- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you guys for sharing. It’s great to know I’m not alone. You are all so brave for continually fighting. It’s so nice that even though our stories my be different we can still relate to each other.
- Date posted
- 6y
Symptoms started probably around 10 with an obsession with computers. Then it morphed into an obsession about having health issues. I was diagnosed and hospitalised at 13 when my theme had changed to contamination and I talked about killing myself. I stayed at the hospital for 3 weeks. For the next 4 years no symptom. Then at age 17 it came back with HOCD but nobody had told me OCD was for life so I had HOCD undiagnosed for 7 years. Then it got diagnosed and just diagnosing it made it disappear (WTF!) Now I'm 33 and I've been struggling with relationship OCD for 4 years. I obsess over partner's flaws. I've been doing ERP for about a year and I'm making progress but no breakthrough yet. OCD is still a major disruption in my life, though I function normally.
- Date posted
- 6y
I did read your journey and appreciate you sharing. Figured it wouldnt be fair to post mine if i didnt read yours. My journey started mainly when i was 21 (24 now) . I was with my friend and i started saying this phrase ( satan cant win, Yeshua is my lord and savior) i had no idea why at first but it got worse and i told my bro i think im saying this protect against something. About 6 months went by and it stopped comepletely. A year later i was about to lay down and a harmful thought came at me... and i was like what just happened. Scared i walked out of my house to look around and get fresh air but it wouldnt shake. I went to work that night and would stare off and just constantly think and worry. I asked my brotha to eat with me and talked to him and after that i battled for about 7 months before getting help. after the first therapist, the second help amazingly, almost completely better in 5 visits... a year later up to now it hit again and have not been able to shake it. It hurts a lot and sucks i cry nearly everyday and hide everyday. But something in me fights everyday and i know i am stronger and i dont give up. We are all strong
- Date posted
- 6y
I have OCD since I was around 7, it hasn’t been diagnosed at that time because of the symptoms. I had a lot of sexual intrusive thoughts that made me suffer a lot as a kid, and I’d always go tell my parents to relief the anxiety, though it was really stressful to tell them cause I thought i was doing something wrong. Years went by and when I had those fluctuating symptoms of washing hands and etc. but nothing really serious, as I got older sometimes I’d think that I, maybe, was lesbian and I ruminated about it but eventually I’d forget. When I turned 18 my mind just blew up. I became depressed and OCD worsened in a way that I had to seek for a psychologist and a psychiatrist as soon as I could. Since everything would happen only in my mind (avoid looking at women and child, for example) it wasn’t easy to detect it was OCD. Since then I’ve been battling OCD, now the theme that bothers me the most is contamination, it drives me crazy, but I know we’ll all get over this!
- Date posted
- 6y
I was diagnosed at 18 right before graduation. I did poorly in school bc I would question everything and spend way too much on certain things. I was misdiagnosed with generalized anxiety and impulse control bc I did not open up about my anxiety. I kept my obsessions hidden because I thought I was a shitty person for having them. I began using alcohol and my prescription meds to relieve the pain. Little did I know that was a compulsion. My parents threatened me to getting sent me boarding school. We resolved this issue and I saw a new therapist and still my same psychiatrist. Im writer and paper was my only way to express my guilt and intrusions knowing I wouldn’t be judged. I told my therapist I liked to write and she told me to share something. It took me awhile but through the process she saw how much I would get fixated on certain people and situations. Fearing I would loose them or hurt them. So I asked so much reassurance. Questioned literary anything a guy who I was involved with and try to analyze it. She thought it was best if I went to my psychiatrist for a true diagnosis. I confessed everything I feared telling again about fear of harming people that I was act in destructive ways bc I was terrified those were my conscience thoughts. My parents took me to two other psychologist and psychiatrist and make sure I had the right diagnosis. They all came back the same. Now I’m college student who is a college tutor who realizes these are just thoughts and I decide if I want them to effect me or not everyday
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this
- Date posted
- 21w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 19w
It’s been 4 years. 4 years since I spiralled into a world controlled by rituals of 4, it started as 2, then 3, then 4 - my safe number. The amount of times I wash my hands after touching something dirty and how many repeats it takes until I feel ‘clean’, the amount of taps I make when closing doors to make sure I don’t ‘die’, the amount of times I rinse cutlery and plates before eating off them, the amount of times I disinfect things. My OCD subtype is contamination and I know 2020 lockdowns and the pandemic caused it to spiral but what started as a small ritual quickly became bigger until I no longer remembered what my life was like without the obsessive thoughts of germs and contamination. Could that person be ill? What if I go outside to the shops and someone makes me sick? You can’t answer the door to get that package from the delivery driver because he might make you sick, oh you can’t put the shopping away without disinfecting it first - what if someone has coughed on it? ‘I’ve got to wear gloves to do that’ I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. For 4 years I’ve lived like this, the ‘I don’t want to touch that’ or ‘I can’t go to this place because I don’t want to get ill and die’ ‘can you go do that for me as I don’t think I can right now’ - I know my OCD is irrational, I know the likelihood of those things actually happening are slim to none and I know my OCD stems from a need of control in my life because for so many years I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. But no matter how much I know of how many books I read, how many mindful practices I do the panic I feel after being ‘exposed’ or before exposing myself to a trigger is horrible. I’ve avoided and avoided and avoided to the point where something small now seems and feels like an impossible mountain to climb. It often feels like there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, when I know there is, it’s just going to take some time. Despite this on the outside to those not in my circle my life is a whole picture perfect painting. I run my own business, have a nice car, a nice house, a happy relationship and the of best friends and I’m so grateful for all those things but the reality is much different - behind closed doors and hidden in the closest is the OCD monster. I’ve decided now, after 4 years it’s time to change. I’m breaking the cycle and starting anew. The irony that 4 is my safe number too and it’s been 4 years since things started to get dark. I’m ready to lose control and find myself again. Why am I writing this? Honestly, I really don’t know. I found this app recently and hope it can be a help for my ERP practices I’ve been practicing on my own and it’s actually the first time I’ve ever openly posted or spoken about my OCD to date. For years I have lived with a huge amount of shame and embarrassment, hiding my issues from everyone - even my closest friends have no idea how much it impacts my day to day. I’ve felt shame as I can’t control my own mind despite knowing the thoughts are irrational and the rituals only provide temporary relief but each day again and again the safety blanket of the rituals wraps me up and takes over. The only person who truly knows how much it affects me is my partner, who has been by my side through it all, he’s burnt out and has seen first hand the impact it has had on me, my life and my happiness. I’ve sheltered him as much as I can, but I’m sure those who are in relationships with OCD can relate to the burnout their partner feels day in day out. So that’s my story, I hope those going through similar can take comfort in this and know they aren’t alone in it all as my OCD has made me feel so incredibly lonely, isolated and empty for 4 years too long. It feels freeing to finally share my monster and I hope I can connect with others who are on a similar journey to me. The biggest thing I want to be able to do again? I want to be able to hug my loved ones without feeling triggered, I want to go outside and enjoy life without worry, I want to live again. This app has made me feel seen for the first time in a long time and reading your stories, your experiences and how you’re coping is comforting, encouraging and makes me feel less alone ❤️ thank you for reading x
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