Hi. Does anyone out there have Suicide OCD? If so, I’d love to chat. It’s a new theme for me and extremely scary. Just would like to talk to someone who is experienced with it. Thanks!

Yes I have had this with that same exact thought! I would think What if I kill myself or what if I want too if I don’t get better and I got terrified but have never had a specific action. It’s super scary and I still get that thought because it scared me so much but just say okay that’s my ocd

Yup common theme for me, and yes it can be pretty tough what I’m working on is when the I could kill myself with this or that instead of fighting the thought I just say why yes you could I know it’s my ocd but the ocd will try to twist things and make you second guess everything also I’m working on treating this theme as just that a theme because it’s not the theme at all that’s the problem it’s the anxiety that follows

Just be patient with yourself. Try a 10 minute meditation first. Then try the 4 steps

Yes....I had the same fears/thoughts. I found an amazing therapist who specializes in OCD. Learning ERP has been huge, as well. I totally get you. You will get through this. You have survived 100% of your toughest days. ?

OMG I am dealing with the same thing!!! Some days I'm great and I don't think about it at all and others I'm so scared I'm going to do something. My brain goes 90 miles an hour and I end up crying over it then after I cry I feel better then I go well if I'm bawling my eyes out and I don't want to then why am I so worried about it?! It infuriates me. But I have found that exersize works wonders for me and keeping busy because once I can get out of the negative though loop I am good for a few years. This is my first bout of OCD since I was 15 and I'm 27 now.

It’s so helpful to hear I’m not alone in this! My typical theme is ROCD, but 2 years ago this one popped up and I was able to get it under control. This time, my relapse is due to having a baby (six weeks ago)... so lack of sleep, sitting alone all day caring for an infant while not being able to exercise is a bad combo! Plus it’s winter where I live so it’s grey, cold and nasty! I’m not ready for exposures but if anyone has any other tools that might help, let me know!!

What has helped me is my kids and the fact that I know that is not me. It's just my brain glitching. I have been taking 5htp and a stress relief combo with ashwaghanda in it and it seems to help some days more than others.

I honestly couldn't tell you. But my brain gets tired of thinking the same thing over and over again and it ends up just going away on its own. But this by far is the scariest and the worst I have felt in a long time. I am going on 7 months of it now. Just keep telling yourself there are no truth to the thoughts and you are not your mind. They are just thoughts. Your thoughts do not define you and they arent true.

Yeah it gets complicated. But these things wont last forever. During these episodes its just best to take it one day at a time. Try not to rationalize with them just be like oh there's whatsitsface ( the thought) and carry on and if you get stuck try to put your brain on pause and decide truth from lie keep the truth but let the lie go. It has helped me. And my husband is there to help me face it.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words. Well done with your recovery. How have you gone about it?

Honestly I have just been going through it. When the thought comes I think harder about it until the anxiety eases. Then another one will come along and I will do the same. The anxiety isnt as bad anymore and most of the time I can have the thought and go oh well there's that thought. And let it go. Then sometimes it's a lot harder. My latest issue is when I start to feel normal my brain goes you're just hiding it. And then I back track a little bit but I'm on the part of where I know I'm not going to do anything it's just getting the thoughts to dull out and fade again. Suicide is not an option for me and never has been because I know the dark days will not last forever and I will eventually get back to me. And another thing that has helped me through it was the fact that it scares the living shit out of me. So why is my brain telling me something that I'm scared of. I mean if you're scared of it why would you do it? I dont know about you but I stay far away from stuff that I'm scared of. Lol that is what has helped a ton. Also my husband and I talk a few times a week about it and the progress I've made and what we can do to make it farther. Having g someone to talk to about it that doesnt judge works wonders.

Look up meditation for intrusive thoughts as well it helps!

Of course my ocd is now saying that I’m not scared of it so it must be true. I guess we can’t trust anything our mind says when we have this. I just have to keep trying to refocus as much as possible until it passes. Feels like I’ll be like this forevwr

That's exactly what my brain is doing but I know it's a another phase of this. I just keep going about my business and act like they dont bother me the waves are coming in less and less each day. It seems like the less I try to avoid it and just let them come the easier it is to just accept the fact that they are just a thought and nothing else. The thoughts do not define me and I am not my mind. They do not change who I am and they cannot change my mind on who I am. Be strong and fight with this. But dont fight the thoughts if you get what I'm saying fighting them just makes it worse. Just let them happen and dont give it a second thought about it. When you start to ruminate. Stop take a few deep breaths and focus on them let the thought come and let it go. It's just a thought it's not you.

Thank you ? I’ll try

I just bought the book on audible so we will see if this helps the rest of my recovery.

Good luck. I hope it helps you

Thank you!! And so far it has!

I do the reassurance through the internet. I look up supplements and things to make coping with it easier. I have stopped those. Now I'm like arguing with myself in my head and I'm trying to stop that as well and just let the thoughts come. Because they are going to be there it's just getting your brain out of the gear its stuck in. It does feel real and the fake feelings that come along with it scare the shit out of me. I started listening to the solfeggio waves with my headphones and it seems to help me focus.

Yep...it was a theme of mine. So scary.

How did you work through it?! Did you ever get impulses like you were going to lose control and do it? It happened today during a panic attack. My thoughts are never specific to an action, just start and stop with “I’m going to xxx” it terrifies me ?

I also feel like when I busy with school and friends my ocd/anxiety didn’t pop up as much. @karalynne what have you done to stop the first bout? I’m 23 and have been dealing with my first bout for about 6 months ?

Yeah I’m doing the same thing, I’m just trying to accept the thoughts and be okay with not knowing what life holds

That’s what I’ve been doing, I’m still having a hard time just letting everything go. Like just going on about my day because I’m constantly ruminatjng

It’s really hard! I’m there too. I’m usual anti-meds but Xanax does wonders for me when I’m really struggling. It gives me the mental breather that I need

I had the suicide ocd (after already having sexuality and relationship ocd) 10 years ago and I got completely better thanks to Prozac and a book called Brain Lock by Jeffery Schwartz - it is an amazing book and I thoroughly recommend it. I was well for years and now it has just come back and I’m having a terrible time and believing the awful thoughts again. I’m so scared all the time and I don’t know why I’m believing it when I know I’ve been through it before! How can I be so stupid :(

The best thing to remember is that it will pass. It might take it a while but it will pass and it will get better. And you are not stupid for it. I read up that OCD attacks your core values what means the most to you. So stick with what means the most to you and do your best to pay the thoughts no attention. I feel like I'm on the last stretch of it all because the thoughts are getting to where they dont bug me as bad and I can almost function like normal again.

How did you get through it when you had it before?

Prozac and the 4 step method by Jeffery Schwartz. I got totally better and everything was great. That’s why I can’t understand why i keep messing up the 4 steps this time!

Yay!

What are some of everyone’s compulsions for this themes? I’m in the process of trying to step back and understand what all of mine are. Also, have any of you had a hard time identifying your triggers because it happens so fast that before your know it you’re in a compulsion?

I dont have physical compulsions. Mine is pure o. All of mine is mental my mental compulsions is arguing with the thought and avoiding the thought all together which makes it worse. I have gotten to the point when a thought comes up I go oh hi there's my OCD again and it seems to help. Amberos read the book that was mentioned above. It's called brain lock. It really helps.

Do you also seek reassurance? Do you ask others for reassurance or try to reassure yourself that it’s not real? Those are big compulsions for me. I’m feeling really awful at the moment. I just can’t refocus and the thoughts feel so so real. I don’t understand why I can’t just use the 4 steps and move on! How can it feel so real?!